Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

[pak2015]

Re: Very complicated & weird proposal experience..need girls advice

@redvelvet

You asked if we think you dodged a bullet. Any time you can’t overlook things in a person and both of you can’t meet each other half way and there’s mostly a one-sided effort in maintaining the relation…then yeah…I guess that would be dodging a bullet.

You can’t expect someone to change so quickly. If you give them a list of things you want them to stop doing, they’re likely to feel overwhelmed and defensive. For instance, perhaps asking her to stop hanging out with guys and putting up pics of herself…may have been too much for her. I don’t have FB either…but there are decent people who like to put up their pics every now and then. So, maybe if you had only limited yourself to asking her not to hang out so much with guys. So..one request instead of a list.

But if you know fully well that this girl wouldn’t have compromised with you on even just a single request…then maybe you’re better off without each other. If it was meant to be, it would have happened. You had doubts about this girl while you were in a relationship with her…and you couldn’t shake them off…cuz you still have those same doubts about her. I guess you learn about the strength of relationship…any relationship…when you hit speed bumps. If you can’t ride them out together…then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. You both may have been physically attracted to each other…and you had fun talking to one another…and perhaps that is what you’re now missing about the relationship. But that may not be enough if you’re both not on the same page with long-term stuff like values/priorities etc.

Awesome reply. I try to be self-aware and self-reflective in things I do so yeah I tried to make sure it wasnt coming off as a list of demands, and discussed the issues over a span of 8 months. You’re right that there are decent people using Facebook and post pictures–she had nearly thousand of friends and changed her display picture almost every week to a picture of herself. Nothing wrong with occasionally updating FB or having a normal number of trusted friends or family members. But with her everything seemed a bit to the extreme. It was always a bit too much, more than what most others were doing. She was lacking subtlety in many aspects and seemed like she loved being center of attention and in the spotlight. It directly clashes with my private and more subtle approach, which I personally find more classy but everyone is different. Although her and I had great chemistry overall, I guess our mindsets, personality and priorities were just too different.

Hope I can find someone with at least somewhat similar perspectives as mine. I just want a girl who can self regulate herself, I dont want to change or control anyone or always be worried about what kind of image my future wife is giving off to the public–no desire or time for that. Such girls still exist right? All my guy friends tell me to just get a housewife