Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

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So here is the situation:

My wife will be starting her residency in one of the hospitals in NJ – I will be working in southern NJ at my new job so essentially we both will be commuting in opposite directions. Our 16 months old has never been to a daycare center. so basically we are going to live sorta in the middle of our jobs and place our daughter in nearby daycare center which I have yet to find, btw, so any recommendation in woodbridge area along GS parkway will be greatly appreciated!

I called a daycare place and they said that once they admit a child they don’t let the mother or father hang around first few days to let child get used to new environment. the lady said that their staff is trained for such situations and to my concern that my daughter will be crying and will be scared when she won’t see any one of us, she said that it’s a normal thing for any new child and they are prepared for that kinda thing. Does this make any sense? Has anyone here gone through sending the child to daycare without hanging around first few days? what is your opinion?

Secondly, anyone around here who has a spouse who went through residency? I know the hours are crazy but in our case my wife will have about 22 miles OR up to 35 min commute one way on GS parkway in NJ. How does that sound to people who have lived in that or similar areas? Her morning commute probably should be ok because she’ll be out of the door by 6:20 in the morning but coming back home could be bit of a drag considering she’ll be commuting from NYC side to NJ which is the normal commute route in northern NJ.

NJ sucks. We couldn’t find good places in mid of the commute areas for us. we’re soooooooooooo gonna miss VA :frowning:

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Oh that will be hard for both of you, but I think you will manage it.

I have no idea about NJ but about the child care, each center have their own ways, the one in which my daugther went to - she was 18 months at that time, told me to bring her one month before I start working, so that I can stay in with her for an hour and gradually start increasing the time, till I waited in the hall for them to give me the signal to go. I thought that it was too much as my daughter adjusted quite well. If they say they are prepared for it, they know from experience that maybe its better to let the kid adjust without a parent hanging around. So I would not worry about it, they would call u if she is really not adjusting, I dont think they will let the kid cry and cry.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

thanks Saadia!! however I'm quite concerned...she will be very scared amongst the strangers..I'm hoping someone else around her has gone through similar experience and can provide some insight...

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Roman darling; I live in the woodbridge area so if you have any questions feel free to PM me.
Honestly, thats a horrible attitude for the DayCare to have. They sound like they just want to do whatever to make thier lives easier. I was a huge phobic of daycare myself so I asked to visit my son a couple of times a day; they let me. Sometimes he'd be sleeping since I went during lunch but I still felt comforted.

There are a million Daycares in woodbrige there is even one desi one; its an actual school run by desi. There are also a million nannies you can find. Check out sulekha.com and craigslist.com - a zillion options.

NJ is nothing like VA for sure but once you settle in here you can't live anywhere else.
Everything is very conveniently placed around you; but there is the traffic to deal with.

Like you're wife; i come from Central Jersey to the NYC area. I leave around 7am and at my desk coffee in hand; kid in daycare and brother at work by 830 on a bad day. But rather then the Parkway I would suggest teh turnprike; literally cuts down you're time by a good 30 minutes. The parkway is slower; more accidents and radar enforced. So the money you save in tolls you usually end up paying in lumpsums via tickets.

The other option is for one of you to find a daycare near you work; that way the baby spends the most hours with you and less time at the daycare. My son had a babysitter by our house he was there from 7am to 530.6 some days now I've moved him over to be closer to my office. Dropping him off is easier, I have access to him all times of the day and he gets to school around 815 and I pick him up 5 or 430 on a good day.

Good luck and welcome to the neighborhood. Anything I can do to help would be my pleasure.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

I was gonna suggest what Muniya said. It would be easier to have your baby in a daycare closer to work, either your's or your wife's. I haven't had to leave Izzah in a daycare yet, but I'd be apprehensive as well...but I'm sure she'll adjust. I think kids enjoy spending time with other kids anyway. It might take a few days to adjust, but she'll have fun.

ps. It's so strange reading such threads/posts by you. :-p

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Roman,

NJ has it’s charm but traffic and commute are not one of them. Woodbridge is great place because it’s closeness to everything desi, beaches, NYC and lots of activities that your 18 month will enjoy. Depending on your job function - most employers will let you have flex hours and telecommute in NJ.

Have you checked out the Goddard School in Iselin. My friend’s kids go there and they have been accomodating with schedules, parents concerns.
Goddard Systems Both of my girls went to another branch closer to our house in Northern Jersey.

For your wife, I would recomend public transport (buses and trains) from metropark and other stations for commuting towards NYC.

1st year residency is going to be tough. It’s gets easier with 2nd and the third will be a breeze. Hang in there. It’s tough for a spouse but with time your family will adapt and before you know it - her residency will be finished.

Good Luck

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

NJGal I'm assuming his wife's traveling will be off hours; and trains don't run as frequently it'll be annoying for her.

Goddard school is a really good one; but I didnt think it was in woodbridge so didnt mention it.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Thanks everyone! that's comforting.

My wife's hospital has its own daycare across the street but the lady from there said that although they will let parent meet the child during breaks etc usually its not such a good idea specially in the beginning because the child then never gets outgrown of depending on the parent and will think "it's time to go home" every time mother comes meet her. I think after child is used to childcare it may not be such a big deal. Problem with using hospital's childcare is that my wife will be on a 24 hour call every 4th day of the week and it's an hour and 5 min drive from my work to her hospital so we might have to do two day care centers 50/50 in the week.

Don't get me wrong, I have lived in NJ before. I've more family and friends there than any other place in the US and we'll have much needed social support network in the form of our friends and family in NJ. It's just that Northern VA was a very good place to live in! minutes away from everything including highways and historic/tourist sites, DC mall/meusums/marinas etc with much more space. We had good peaceful life here. NJ is congested and needs some adjusting to do + I'm going to be soooooooo fat after gobbling desi food and naan it's not even funny :(

Muniya, I'll definitely call you up on your offer :) -- from the looks of it it does look like my wife won't have any other choice but to travel on GS parkway because going to NJ Tpk will increase miles + commute time for her--but then again, I'm going by what google tells me so definitely something to keep in mind. My wife on most days will be out of the door 6:20am in the morning and will come back 6pm or later.

NJgal, I did see Goddard listed as one of the places in the google directory. Will definitely check it out.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

This is true to an extent. If you visit the child midday or randomly, they will think it is time to go home and it will be more difficult for them to adjust. I do think though in the beginning if you are able to make short visits with your child to the daycare facility to see how they fare...how they interact with teachers/other kids just to get an idea. After that just drop child off, say goodbye and leave. In the beginning it is normal for the baby to cry & miss parents etc....but it will get better. Esp. once your child starts adjusting, they start learning so much from the activities, plus I know my son loves interacting with other kids in his daycare....etc.

I would not reccomend 2 daycares, it'll take the kid time to adjust to one, but 2 is a bit much Id think. Perhaps find one close to your office instead of hers as her schedule is crazy, babies need to be on routine and it will help to only go to 1 center and get used to it there. If you have family/friends nearby, keep them on alert, just in case some day you may need one of them to pick your daughter up if your running late. Hmm. Nannies are also another option, but from what I hear not always reliable....depends on who you find.

Also if you are able, perhaps chat with other parents of children at the daycare your interested in & get 1st hand opinions about the way the facility works and how they like it. Best of luck.

What do you do with old stuff?
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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Muniya - There is one in Iselin (but the city says woodbridge - a bit confusing) - next town over.

My daycare was out of the way but I had a bad experience with my daughter's first day care so my MOST important criteria was the environment that my children were at.

I also have one at my work but dragging them 30 miles each way in traffic didn't seem like agood option for me.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

do not put teh child in a daycare close to either your work or your wife's daycare.
That is what my kids first daycare was like, just a block from my work It was out of the way for begum. Now the issue was when i had to travel for work, or was sick, it just destoyed her commute I am about 30 minutes east workwise and she is 25 mins south. if I woke u sick some morning, well, i had to keep the kids because she would not have enough time to go drop them and backtrack and get to her work by time.

The closer it is to your home the better, and not just for usual days. even if there are days you are working from home or are off and just need some personal space and time, or have projects around the house, u can drop her off, even for half a day if u want.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

oh and kids adjust very quickly, what we did was to drop them off a few days for just a couple of hours, when they realized that we will come back to pick them up, and also started having fun with other kids. then it was a piece of cake.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

roman, we were in a similar situation.

I put my daughter in when she was 18 months. We actually found something in the city, which is about 15min from both our work. The reason we didnt get something close to our homes is cus the commute time to get to home is too much and by that time the childcare closes... we didnt want her to be the last one at the centre.. cus thats a bit freakish for a kid..

Hence we chose something in the CBD

What I did was take the first few days off and the hubz took the next few days off.. we'd put her in for a few hours and extend it by an hour or an hour and a half each day until she sorta got the hang of it... it took her 3 weeks to get adjusted (and THATS completely normal). If the child hasnt adjusted in a month, the daycare actually recommend u try another daycare cus the child may just not like the environment..

also, the more days they go, the faster and easier they settle in. My daughter has been a 5 day a week child, only now she is doing 3 days..

all the daycares i researched recommended we come and see the child at daycare however times we want, but not let the child see us... like we should look through the window but thats it... and really. I do know what they mean... once or twice Heba saw me.. and she was in a fit... wihich is heartbreaking as a parent.. and also very hard on the child..

i recommend this childcare to anyone who even asks... its expensive.. but it works sooo well for me. Maybe cus the minders totally adore Heba.. I dunno... its just a very nice environment. I love it...

also, someone said dragging them in traffic wasnt an option... but for me and Heba.. its time spent together. Really.. we've commuted on the train a number of times and she's always been great.. and now we travel by car (the 3 of us)..

lol, we have brekky in the car as well...

i guess the reason its this way is cus the daycares in the subrubs close too early.. and theres no way we can get there in time..

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Guys, very good advices! keep them coming.

X2 - it totally makes sense to keep it close to where both parent have about same commute to daycare. In our case we are going to travel in opposite directions so it becomes totally important to keep in near the home.

sadzzz--that's a good idea! to keep the child for one hour in increments in the beginning. The daycare I called told me that we can see how our child is doing by logging on to their site and they privde a webcam feed from where we can see the child which I think is kinda equivalent to peeping through the window.

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

i wish we had that webcam thing.. we prob do but ive never asked.

Also, i think the room Heba is in, they are all such active kids.. they only time they sit still is when eatign or sleeping… :halo:

does ur daughter have a favorite toy? maybe aquaint her to one.. and that way she will keep that close to her at daycare and feel safe… Heba’s Goofy has been dragged everywhere with her… she feels comfort when he’s around. And he really helped with the settling in..

Timepass - March 2013
Timepass - March 2013
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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

Roman, I would HIGHLY recommend living closer to your wife's residency program. My wife is just finishing up her residency and we live in NY state where the 80 hour work week has been legislated for over 10 years. NJ legislated the 80 hour work limit in 2005 I think and so the programs there are STILL trying to deal with the scheduling. As a result, your wife will work up to 100 hours a week some weeks, to drive 30+ minutes before and after long days is going to be torture for her not to mention very dangerous. Imagine having to negotiate traffic, bad NJ traffic with no sleep in 24 hours.

In general, while she's in residency, you are going to have to make A LOT of sacrifices. Get ready brother, I wish you all the best. It's worth it but it's a lot of work for her AND for you.

When did you sleep yesterday?
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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

^^ Your in NY!! OMG

why do I have you living in liek australia?
OMGGGGG

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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

^ lol... thats me!

Guess next poster
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^Pagli

1001 Things To Do Before You Die
1001 Things To Do Before You Die
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Re: Various questions regarding moving, childcare, and working parents

aahmed, you're right, when she'll be on calls traffic is definitely a concern -- she definitely won't be driving after 24/36 hours duty for sure. She'll definitely take some rest before driving. We are going to try this for little bit and also playing with the idea of her sharing room next to hospital for couple of days of the weeks when she's on calls. We'll see how it goes. Thing with my commute is that it's too long for me to properly support her rest of the week schedule if I'd to spend 2 1/2-3 hours every day just getting back and forth from work.

We are going to try out living in the middle for now and see how it goes.