I have heard a lot of people say that marriages fail because the partners go in having expectations that are too high and then they feel dissapointed and unfufilled. What do you guys think qualify as being unrealistic expectations? Say, if I thought that by getting married I would always have someone supportive to talk to about my problems, would that be too high of an expectation?
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
Having your partner support you is not at all unrealistic, having them agree with what you need support for EVERY time however, is.
Unrealistic -
Expecting your partner to know how you feel or think without you having to tell them. No one can read minds.
Thinking that they will always make you happy, they can only try.
Hoping you won't ever argue, impossible.
Expecting them to agree with everything you do, unreasonable.
Feeling that everything should go your way without you having to compromise, selfish.
Realistic -
Having them be there for you.
Enjoying the company of your partner, having a laugh, sharing good times and the bad.
Building trust and remembering that communication is the key.
Appreciating them and not taking them for granted, and reminding them to do the same back.
Accepting them for who they are and vice versa.
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
One of the most unrealistic expectations on part of the girl is that she will/should have the same lifestyle, and same level of interaction with everyone at her inlaws, as she did at her own home. And on the same token, on part of the guy, its unrealistic for him to expect that his wife will come into his home today, and learn all the 'rules' tomorrow.
Both need to give each other time.
The first few months are the most important /hardest. Once you live through those, you automatically learn to recognize what is realistic, and what is not.
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
this is an interesting topic.
forgive me but "Expecting your partner to know how you feel or think without you having to tell them. No one can read minds." this should be rewritten as: "Expecting your partner to know how you feel or think without you having to tell them. not everyone can read minds."
but all in all i agree with you. distinguishing realistic vs unrealistic matters is the first step in having an open mind. why because for once we want to fix something in ourselves rather than discussion what we want in the other person.
once a very wise man said to me "if the husband knows that this girl is my 'wife' exclusively and the girls knows that this guy is my 'husband' exclusively then journey of life from the very first night to the very last will be rewarding one."
most of the people i read here are always on the offensive. especially girls (married and unmarried). if all if us have this exclusivity philosophy in mind trust me we can life far better lives.
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
^ Is that true though, the exclusive part? Do we not have responsibilities towards other people too?
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
you didnt get it: what i meant was a wife is only one guy's wife and a husband is only one girl's husband. hence exclusive.
^ Is that true though, the exclusive part? Do we not have responsibilities towards other people too?
Re: Unrealistic Expectations
excellent reply.
Having your partner support you is not at all unrealistic, having them agree with what you need support for EVERY time however, is.
Unrealistic -
Expecting your partner to know how you feel or think without you having to tell them. No one can read minds.
Thinking that they will always make you happy, they can only try.
Hoping you won't ever argue, impossible.
Expecting them to agree with everything you do, unreasonable.
Feeling that everything should go your way without you having to compromise, selfish.
Realistic -
Having them be there for you.
Enjoying the company of your partner, having a laugh, sharing good times and the bad.
Building trust and remembering that communication is the key.
Appreciating them and not taking them for granted, and reminding them to do the same back.
Accepting them for who they are and vice versa.