Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

[mizsani]

My in-laws-to-be want to throw an engagement party for my fiance and I. However, I am responsible for all the planning and stuff. Basically I am being forced to throw myself a party. I am not very familiar with the wedding stuff so I need a few questions answered. His family is a bit more conservative than mine soo things really need to be traditional.

Please tell me some of the cultural/traditional things I need to incorporate in the event. What are some rasam?
Will it be ok to wear a lehenga or will it be too much?
What kind or jewelry should I wear? simple or heavy? Tikka??
Should I have dupatta over my head or on shoulders?
Party favors or no?
Should I put mehendi on my hands? If so, how much? both hands? front and back? Also, please add pictures of good mehendi designs. stick on mehendi tatoo?
What kind of entrance, if any, do I need to make? Is the walking under a dupatta only for mehendi or is it also necessary for engagements?
Please add pics of some desi engagements so I can get an idea.

Please helpp!!!

[saimab33]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

First of all, congratulations on your engagment. And engagements are really about what YOU want to do. There are no hard and fast rules for an engagement party.

To answer your questions:

1) Usually people just do a ring exchange (I didnt give my fiance a ring, we gave him a watch, because he will get the ring at the wedding), and feeding mithai. Just for fun, we also did some dholki and dancing, but it wasnt something that we planned out, and practiced. My in laws brought a dholki, so all the girls sat and did dholki for awhile, and then they cleared that away and started dancing.
2) Wear what you are most comfortable with. We had a small engagment (about 90 people at my house), so I wore Shalwaar Kameez (semi-formal), got my makeup and hair done by an MUA, and wore matching heels to my outfit.
3) Wear jewelry that goes with your outfit. If you are wearing a lengha, then a tikka would be reasonable to wear. I wore shalwaar kameez, so I thought the tikka wouldnt look good. But at an engagement, you dont want to look like a bride, so I would suggest a small set instead of something heavy and large.
4) If your in laws are more conservative, they may want you to wear a dupatta on your head. My family is more conservative than my in laws, but I still didnt wear a dupatta on my head (just my own choice, cause I didnt want it to be too formal). If your in laws are not THAT conservative, and they wouldnt be expecting you to wear a dupatta on your head, my suggestion would be to wear it around your shoulders, cause you want to look like a bride on your wedding, not on your engagement.
5) I didnt give away any party favours, but if its in your budget to give something away, do something small, like a pouch that matches your colours with candy in it, or another idea I liked, was having a small silver bell (the wedding type_, and attaching a tag to it that says "We hear wedding bells!" - just thought that was a cute idea
6) Im not sure what the trend is for mehndi on your hands, but dont go too heavy with the mehndi. Just something small will be more appropriate for an engagement, or even a mehndi tattoo that matches your colours.
7) Usually at the engagement, its not so traditional, so I wouldnt suggest coming in under a dupatta, but I just made an informal entrance with my girl cousins and girl friends. Me at the front (I dont have sisters), with my youngest pupoh (who is like a sister), my closest cousin, and my bhabi, and then behind us were the rest of my cousins and friends.

I hope that helped!

[saimab33]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

This is the wedding bell I was talking about:

[mizsani]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

First of all, congratulations on your engagment. And engagements are really about what YOU want to do. There are no hard and fast rules for an engagement party.

To answer your questions:

1) Usually people just do a ring exchange (I didnt give my fiance a ring, we gave him a watch, because he will get the ring at the wedding), and feeding mithai. Just for fun, we also did some dholki and dancing, but it wasnt something that we planned out, and practiced. My in laws brought a dholki, so all the girls sat and did dholki for awhile, and then they cleared that away and started dancing. 2) Wear what you are most comfortable with. We had a small engagment (about 90 people at my house), so I wore Shalwaar Kameez (semi-formal), got my makeup and hair done by an MUA, and wore matching heels to my outfit. 3) Wear jewelry that goes with your outfit. If you are wearing a lengha, then a tikka would be reasonable to wear. I wore shalwaar kameez, so I thought the tikka wouldnt look good. But at an engagement, you dont want to look like a bride, so I would suggest a small set instead of something heavy and large. 4) If your in laws are more conservative, they may want you to wear a dupatta on your head. My family is more conservative than my in laws, but I still didnt wear a dupatta on my head (just my own choice, cause I didnt want it to be too formal). If your in laws are not THAT conservative, and they wouldnt be expecting you to wear a dupatta on your head, my suggestion would be to wear it around your shoulders, cause you want to look like a bride on your wedding, not on your engagement. 5) I didnt give away any party favours, but if its in your budget to give something away, do something small, like a pouch that matches your colours with candy in it, or another idea I liked, was having a small silver bell (the wedding type_, and attaching a tag to it that says "We hear wedding bells!" - just thought that was a cute idea 6) Im not sure what the trend is for mehndi on your hands, but dont go too heavy with the mehndi. Just something small will be more appropriate for an engagement, or even a mehndi tattoo that matches your colours. 7) Usually at the engagement, its not so traditional, so I wouldnt suggest coming in under a dupatta, but I just made an informal entrance with my girl cousins and girl friends. Me at the front (I dont have sisters), with my youngest pupoh (who is like a sister), my closest cousin, and my bhabi, and then behind us were the rest of my cousins and friends.

I hope that helped!

Thanks! Congrats on your engagement too.
That helped soo much!
I was soo worried.. but you steered me in the right direction!!
I will wear a lehenga because it is more of a formal event and I dont like heavy jewelry so a small set would be perfet for me. I love Tikka so I will wear a little one.
I dont have any girls in my family that is why I am concerned about the entrance. I have no sisters, cousins e.t.c. I am teh only girl in teh family that is why the entire ordeal is so formal.

Thanks for all your help.. I really appreciate that!!!
and I loveee the bell idea.. do you know where I can purchase them?

[saimab33]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

No problem! For the entrance, maybe you can come in with your friends, or even your parents, as you mentioned its going to be a more formal affair.

Where abouts do you live? These bells can be bought at a dollar store, or a crafts store, or even a party supply store. and you can use Microsoft Word to create the tags.

Im sure you will look beautiful! and try not to stress, because trust me you will, but as soon as you are sitting there with your fiance, all your worries will be out the window! Good Luck!

[mizsani]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

I live in Houston, Texas.
heheh.. thanks!
I am a perfectionist so I really tend to focus on and stress about all the little things.
But you suggestions are really helping!

[starberry1]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

Heya,

I wrote you an essay, but unfortunately didn't send!
As has been said, the only rasm I think is the ring exchange. My parents did get my fiance a ring, as in our family the ring exchange doesnt seem to be that important at the actual wedding.
If you want to wear a lehnga, definitely do. I had my heart set on a lehngha, but didn't have time to shop around, so I ended up wearing an anarkali type dress. It is beautiful, and cost a small fortune, but as I had imagined wearing a lehngha I didn't feel content, despite everyone saying it was perfect for an engagement, and shaadi par be lehnga he pehna hai. It has quite a heavy duppatta which I had on my head, pinned up etc. To me I think I looked a bit to much like a dulhan, but I guess you do want to stand out from the guests, and the relatives may expect it.
Jewellery wise, match your jewellery to your outfit obviously, i had a necklace, earings and tikka, and churiya on one arm. I guess just wear what you have your heart set on, because you don't want to wish you had worn something else.
Regarding mehndhi, definitely have some! I got cajoled into having both hands front and back plus back of arms, which I thought was definitely too much! I would say a little on the back of hands is enough!
Personally I think the walking under a dupatta is for mehndhi, I just walked in with my brother, after my fiance and his family had got there. We had a walkway with flowers which was pretty, and the stage decorated with fresh flowers.
If you have the time, plan things as you want, as the only regret I have is that we didn't have time to plan anything, so althought it cost so much, it wasn't hw i had imagined. The guests seemed to love it though, so it don't know really?
Good luck!

[mizsani]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

Heya,

I wrote you an essay, but unfortunately didn't send! As has been said, the only rasm I think is the ring exchange. My parents did get my fiance a ring, as in our family the ring exchange doesnt seem to be that important at the actual wedding. If you want to wear a lehnga, definitely do. I had my heart set on a lehngha, but didn't have time to shop around, so I ended up wearing an anarkali type dress. It is beautiful, and cost a small fortune, but as I had imagined wearing a lehngha I didn't feel content, despite everyone saying it was perfect for an engagement, and shaadi par be lehnga he pehna hai. It has quite a heavy duppatta which I had on my head, pinned up etc. To me I think I looked a bit to much like a dulhan, but I guess you do want to stand out from the guests, and the relatives may expect it. Jewellery wise, match your jewellery to your outfit obviously, i had a necklace, earings and tikka, and churiya on one arm. I guess just wear what you have your heart set on, because you don't want to wish you had worn something else. Regarding mehndhi, definitely have some! I got cajoled into having both hands front and back plus back of arms, which I thought was definitely too much! I would say a little on the back of hands is enough! Personally I think the walking under a dupatta is for mehndhi, I just walked in with my brother, after my fiance and his family had got there. We had a walkway with flowers which was pretty, and the stage decorated with fresh flowers. If you have the time, plan things as you want, as the only regret I have is that we didn't have time to plan anything, so althought it cost so much, it wasn't hw i had imagined. The guests seemed to love it though, so it don't know really? Good luck!

hehehe.. I know what u mean by the essay.. I do that quite a lot on this forum. I would type a nice, long paragraph and click undo by mistake. lol
Ya right now we will just get him a ring that is not too expensive and later at the wedding we can purchase a more expensive ring (perhaps, a white gold one now and platinum later). Should we feed each other mithai or something or is that too much?.. Saimab33 wrote about mithai in an earlier response... what do you think?
I really do have my heart set on a pink lehenga but I really dont wanna look overdone.. but you are right I should be content as it will be my day pretty much. I really want to wear a tikka but I can not seem to find one in a set that is not too heavy. (all the simple sets dont have a tikka and a heavy set will look too much with my lehenga and chooriyaan and everything).
I am sorry to hear that it wasnt as you planned. :( but hopefully your wedding will be everything you ever dreamed of. I am a perfectionist so if things are not my way.. my family will hear complains for eternity so I am sure they will do everything to ensure that it turns out perfectly. lol
Its very hard to find flowers so I will have to come up with a plan about tht... thnx 4 the idea of walking in with brother... because that woul;d be soooo perfect in my case
THANK YOU!!! I am relieved now!

[starberry1]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

lol, its sweet to hear you getting excited about it! I know what it feels like, but I sort of switch of whenever my parents talk about my wedding etc, so left most of it to my mum, i don't mean to sound ungrateful though, because alhumdulillah my parents went to so much effort and on the whole it was lovely, my mum bless her, said take this as a practice for your wedding, lol. And yes of course your family will want to make it special for you! That sounds like a good idea for rings. My parents bought a diamond one for the engagement, so I don't really know what they will do for the wedding because of the no gold for men thing?
Hmmm, I don't know about mitthai, because his family brought quite a lot of it but my family didn't have it at the actual engagement, but instead gave it out in gift boxes after (kind of like favours I guess). But a cake would be a good idea! (These are the two things i regret no cake and I wanted a lehnga, lol) My aunts thought it was too hot for a cake, plus they don't taste right in Pakistan, so we didn't have one, but I think it would have been nice.
Yes, a pink lehnga is what i wanted! I had even imagined what shade of pink it would be, lol, have you seen one in the shops yet? I don't think you need to worry about looking over done, how many guests are you having? I think I got lucky with my set, as it does seem to be that a lot of really pretty sets don’t seem to have tikka. The only alternative would be to wear really heavy earrings and tikka, and maybe get a kind of matching chain like necklace to go with it? If not, it doesn't really matter if you don't have one!
Aww, i wanted to walk in with my brother, as at most weddings the bride seems to walk in with her female cousins, so I wanted to do this with my brother!
I hope it goes amazingly, and happy planning!

[mizsani]

Re: Unfamiliar with wedding stuff.. please helpp!!!

@starberry1

lol, its sweet to hear you getting excited about it! I know what it feels like, but I sort of switch of whenever my parents talk about my wedding etc, so left most of it to my mum, i don’t mean to sound ungrateful though, because alhumdulillah my parents went to so much effort and on the whole it was lovely, my mum bless her, said take this as a practice for your wedding, lol. And yes of course your family will want to make it special for you! That sounds like a good idea for rings. My parents bought a diamond one for the engagement, so I don’t really know what they will do for the wedding because of the no gold for men thing?
Hmmm, I don’t know about mitthai, because his family brought quite a lot of it but my family didn’t have it at the actual engagement, but instead gave it out in gift boxes after (kind of like favours I guess). But a cake would be a good idea! (These are the two things i regret no cake and I wanted a lehnga, lol) My aunts thought it was too hot for a cake, plus they don’t taste right in Pakistan, so we didn’t have one, but I think it would have been nice.
Yes, a pink lehnga is what i wanted! I had even imagined what shade of pink it would be, lol, have you seen one in the shops yet? I don’t think you need to worry about looking over done, how many guests are you having? I think I got lucky with my set, as it does seem to be that a lot of really pretty sets don’t seem to have tikka. The only alternative would be to wear really heavy earrings and tikka, and maybe get a kind of matching chain like necklace to go with it? If not, it doesn’t really matter if you don’t have one!
Aww, i wanted to walk in with my brother, as at most weddings the bride seems to walk in with her female cousins, so I wanted to do this with my brother!
I hope it goes amazingly, and happy planning!

Ya.. I tend to zone out any future plans but I always tune in when event planning occurs because that is what I love to do! only, not for myself. You dont sound ungrateful!! That is wonderful.. I am glad things are turning out lovely for you. I wonder if platinum counts as gold.. I am so unfamiliar with jewelry.. I only like nlong dangly earings, tika, and churiyaan (which are not gold lol). Perhaps, you can just put the same ring on again… Guys dont look good in too much jewelry (in my opinion). Or you can get another one and sell the old ring. You can even get little diamonds put into a silver ring. I am not sure if wearing silver is allowed for guys.
I am really sick of cake because they taste oh so good in US and we have to eat it at birthdays, weddings, parties, Christmas, etc.. Thats why I wanted mithai because its rare here but it does get costly.
I really love tikka.. thats a good idea.. I never like wearing necklaces because they give me a rash.. so I can just wear earrings and tikka.. oh ur so helpful!!
I think I will have 100-150 guests depending on whether the out of town guest will be coming or not.
I have no female cousins or sisters so walking in with my brother works perfectly for me.
Thanks and THANKS!!!

This is the pic of the lehnga I am in love with.. I will get it with less work and offcourse a top that is not revealing.
http://mdb4.ibibo.com/08053616c7465645f5f96cd18aaa5eacf0e9ea0960fad3fab4412270768b707b89e8289bb48a8721b6a66a11150d1549fa3ccbdb3.jpeg/wedding-lehnga-wedding-lehenga-bridal.jpeg