I have seen both types, one-time cheaters and serial cheaters. I used to think I could forgive because we are programmed to find other people attractive and naturally we are a polygamous species. So what changed my mind? I can’t deal with betrayal. I wish I had a bigger heart to deal with it but I don’t. If his a** cheats on me, I will not just leave him, I will make his life hell. He knows that and I also know if I cheat on him, he will kill me. It’s kind of amusing.
I for one..have very strict criteria. I do not believe in cheating at your partner in any cost. There must be level of trust between husband and wife that they wouldn’t go each other’s back to cheat on their spouse. If the spouse did, i will see in reasonable doubt and assess the situation..but knowing myself..i wouldn’t her respect anymore.
I think reason..is i am not like that. I have female friends..but have very very respectful relationship with them.
I would like to keep it that way and make sure..my spouse knows them too personally. If she is open-minded and have that trust..she will be cool. If insecure..then there is nothing i can do. Btw..i highly despise shakki wives.
lol.. i thought we have got freedom of expression here… dont we??? that wuz just my personal opinion about the post… every person is different n i just shared if i were in this scenario, i would forgive, i have seen broken family children here in PAKISTAN, n they really have a miserable life.. u can protect ur children from getting effected by a cheater parent, but u cant provide them better living being a single parent.. may be in other countries it would work different…
I get what you’re saying there about children in Pakistan being less effected by a cheating parent than possibly living a miserable life because of bad living conditions if a stay at home mom were to separate from her cheating spouse.
Yes it is only women because a man would still have his job and his years of experience to keep his stable job if his wife cheated on him. The stay at home mom would have the sub par life with kids if she left.
What would you tell yourself every day you see his cheating lying face though? When you sleep next to him. I wouldn’t even be able to see his face. Like another poster said, he would be a completely different person in my eyes.
Well i know it’s really really hard to live with such kinda person.. U r like being killed every time u see him.. By saying forgiving I just meant that u have to stay with him jst for the sake of ur children, pretending normal infront of society n children.. But won’t allowing him to share ur bedroom..just tolerating him not living a normal life again..once trust is gone, love respect everything is gone… N yeah this specifically applies where a male spouse is cheating.. Otherwise men can easily leave their spouse cheating on them wether they have children or not,
sagi, i think the real reason you are trying to bring forth is that a woman who has committed to being a housewife will have a hard time being independent. if you dont have that option, you are essentially a hostage if your husband goes rogue.
i repeat those words for the sake of my children just on the basis of my personal experience… once i had some issue with my hubby(not about cheating stuff) n i had to live with my parents for almost 6-7 months..its hard to even recall how my children suffered n they started a sort of blaming me tht why v r nt going back home? why daddy dont come? they used to talk to their father on daily basis asking him to take them back..people’s attitudes towards me n my children have changed so much. though my parents are financially stable, but it wuz really hard asking for anything for my kids.. at that time i realized whatever issues ill b having with my hubby i will never make a big issue out of it… thts y i say its for the sake of my children… and yes things would have been different if i were independent/working at my own that time..thts y i said it depends on circumstances…
This is kind of amazing because it looks like you are meant to be life partners and for each other since the way you both would react to cheating on each other is this type of love. I just feel like that is go to the ends of the earth, intense deep love. Mashallah Theorist I’m happy for you!!
No justification for infidelity. But I admit that sometimes when I see the poor manner in which an individual behaves toward their spouse or even other folks, I do question if it’s trying for that person’s partner to remain committed toward them. I think many of us have thought, “How on earth does that woman’s husband bardaash her attitude. How does she put up with her husband?”
Forgiveness may be possible if a person feels that certain actions of theirs such as being taken for granted, being self-centered, consistently disrespectful etc contributed significantly toward driving a wedge between them. As Muzna said a few pages back that response to infidelity will vary.
But even then, it’s the kind of betrayal that shatters several foundations of a relationship. It shatters your self-esteem. It shatters your trust in your partner. It shatters your image of your partner. With these three things severely marred, hell yeah it would take a lot of inner strength to forgive and even more to give the marriage another chance.