how long does it take in a marriage/relationship to lets say 95% understand one another? does it take a few weeks, months or maybe even the first 2-3 years of marriage?
are there different expectations from partners? should this be discussed prior to getting married?
curious…
Re: understanding
I would say majority of people never get to understand their partners more than 60% in whole of their lifetime. There are multiple reasons out of which some are below:
1- People do not identify it as a necessity to understand their partner
2- People assume the other person should be similar to their selves
3- Gender related thought process differences are difficult to comprehend
4- Upbringing limits your capability of understanding
5- Society, Culture, Religion enforces you to understand and accept a small circle
Indeed there are different expectations from partners. Expectations also develop with time. So where it is a good idea to discuss your expectations before hand, it is entirely possible that even your original expectations may change with time.
Re: understanding
60%.. wow... i thought marriage was about trying to understand one another to at least 90-95%.. obviously there are other things marriage is about to, but what is a relationship without understanding?
Re: understanding
I dont know...but I am interested in the answers for sure.
in my opinion i think it takes a whole lifetime to understand eachother, because you something new abt a person everyday whether its from your parents to friend and even your partner! take it easy and let time do its job...go with the flow
Re: understanding
i think it depends on the kind of bond b/w the two.i saw this show on Dr.Phil where a couple appeared n when they wer asked basic questions abt each other they didn't know esp the husband.he didn't know where his wife was born n what was her mothers maiden name.So the more commitment n effort u put into each other the more easily u get to know each other.
About expectations u cannot get each n every answer right b4 u get married.they can change with time and situations.Ppl change their views change so does the expectations.
I would say majority of people never get to understand their partners more than 60% in whole of their lifetime.
I agree with your statement but my reasoning is that people evolve with time.
What you are in your 20s is NOT what you are in your 30s or 40s.
So understanding between husband and wife is always changing. You need to take a pulse check every six months or year or so and evaluate what has changed, priorities, etc to keep your mutual understanding in the at 60%
Re: understanding
Wouldnt it depend on the relationship the couple has? Some folks may want their significant other to be involved in every aspect of their lives and some dont.
Re: understanding
interesting...
i reckon my hubby knows me about 95% if not close to a 100% and sometimes i have to make him think he doesnt know me.. which is rather annoying cus even then he knows im trying to pretend.. so i wouldnt even say that its mostly hubbies who dont understand.. in our relationship, he prolly understands me more than i do him..
in terms of knowing things like "mothers maiden name..", or "dad's first job.. or degree..", i hold no value to such things.. maybe others do though
i am only curious as i know a few people who have been married less than 5 years and its funny how we all seem to face the same dilemma... this understanding business :)
Re: understanding
Just FYI, There is one more step after understanding someone i.e to mold yourself according to his/her nature :)
Re: understanding
hmmmm...interesting...:)
I won't be able to assign numbers as to how much a couple get to know each other....
what I understand about my husband today is definitely more than I did ,or as a matter of fact we both did at the time we got married...
secondly,as someone else also said above we all evolve with time....things change,options and priorities change ,so I guess thats another factor....
and I think this goes for any relationship...there is always a new thing or two to discover...:)
I agree with your statement but my reasoning is that people evolve with time.
Indeed, people evolve with it. However, the word "understanding" is being used in a more holistic terms here which can rarely happen.
To elaborate, my point is that while I may totally understand how my partner will react to a certain environment and what might be going in his/her mind, I may not react to it and think about it in the same way. This evolving, as you mentioned, will most likely mean that we will become more compromising. Though we may not agree with a certain reaction but we start accepting it as a fact of life. For example, the severity of many issues will always appear lower to men then women, even when men start showing more interest in their discussions.