I have what I need. Thanks much!
Re: unannounced visitors
I’m confused as to who exactly is dropping by so often without notice. If they are YOUR relations, why are they texting your husband? Are these men or women or entire families? Are they your blood relations, your husband’s blood relations, or friends?
Do they ALWAYS text your husband? And how often does this happen? Several times every week?
Re: unannounced visitors
Hubby and I are distantly related so we both have a link to these relatives. As for why they text him specifically, the nature of my job doesn’t allow me keep my cell phone nearby. If there’s ever an emergency, hubby, mom and daycare providers have the number to my office’s HR and my boss’s direct line.
As for how much, I would say yes…several times a week.
Re: unannounced visits
That is why you need to stop pretending that you are okay with these unannounced visits. Whenever this happens, I don’t meet and greet because I want them to know that I am not sitting idle and that I have work to do. I am not a social person. Some may go as far as calling me antisocial. Everyone knows now that I am the way I am and it has nothing to do with them. After some time, people understand and leave you be. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my manners. The day they tell me how battameez and adambezaar I am, I will ask them why do they feel the need to show up at my door then?
Re: unannounced visits
Mistral, if they’re over at your place so often then that must mean you have good rapport with them. Use that to your as advantage. The next time they ask you how you’re doing or what’s new …what if you were to say “I’ve been so exhausted lately. I have received some tedious and time consuming projects at work that I’ll be working on at home as well along with juggling the baby and the home. I don’t want this to get in the way of our socializing as I love having you over, but is it possible for us to confine our visits to the weekend so that I’ll be less mentally distracted when you visit and can give you more time and attention?” If they agree, then that lets you know to watch out for the weekends and so you won’t be surprised by them showing up any day of the week. So it’ll hopefully free up the rest of the week. And even with the weekend…you can pick a day…like Saturday to narrow it down.
And when they call your husband and say that they’re coming over… Give excuses… That ur going out somewhere or you have plans. And if you do that a few times (not all the time) they’ll get the message that they can’t always count on you and husband to be free every weekend… And so they’ll hopefully find other activities to keep them busy during those days.
Re: unannounced visits
Or the golden rule in reverse psychology. Do to them what they do to you. 
Re: unannounced visits
What you’re asking for is not unfair at all. Although, at present (Im single), Im very open minded about this but I know things can be very different when married and you have responsibilities like taking care of household, kids, etc.
I have also noticed that this usually happens more when a couple also visits without informing. Like, maybe you wish to inform people before visiting their houses but since your husband does not think that is important and he doesn’t so the other people also dont feel obliged to do that. If you and your husband also frequently visit those people & without informing them then it is expected if they do the same. But if you both ensure to inform them well in advance or get their affirmation before visiting then it is unfair if they dont do the same. In that case, I suggest that you make it a rule of your house. Usually Pakistani men dont understand things like these. So you might have to explain this to your husband that taking care of the baby’s needs and the household, tough work hours, you’re not left with enough time for yourself. If he understands and makes it a rule not to entertain such visitors. Inform all the family to inform well in advance, like a day or two before visiting your house. You do not necessarily need to tell them the reason because some people just dont care even if they know that they’re causing inconvenience as long as they’re having a good time at your home. If your husband wont understand you then do all or any of the following:
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Let your husband take care of such visitors himself alone while you stay busy with the baby/other house work. When the husband would have to do this a few times, he would realise it’s important to tell the guests to inform early before coming.
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Tell him to provide you with domestic help so that you could manage taking care of the baby/household better.
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Divide responsibilities. Tell him from now on, ensuring that the freezer, fridge, kitchen cabinet, etc. have not run out of stock for the visitors is his responsibility.
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Be very firm when you tell the relatives that it is important for you to know well in advance about their visit. Also tell them not to complain if they do not find you in the house on their next visit.
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I had to rush somewhere and forgot point # 5 when returned
Or you can add the same what redvelvet said. Adopt the same habit only with those who do this and they’ll learn.
There could surely be exceptions when guests arrive unexpected. That is very natural so welcome them. But if you have notice the same relatives visiting frequently without being bothered to inform then try the above.
Also there are some very close relatives who do not expect formalities. Im that kind and enjoy meeting such people. Because they’re okay with whatever you’re doing whether you serve them or tell them to serve you or you tell them to leave or you leave and tell them you have to go 
Okay okay, Im not sure the last part is practical for a married couple.
Re: unannounced visitors
No, its not. At least it wasn’t a ‘problem’.
Source: Old timer here.
Re: unannounced visitors
tbh would you much rather no guests visit your house at all or would you rather have guests visit your house although unannounced?
don’t forget that hospitality is greatly appreciated in Islam. Just do your best to accomodate them and then maybe subtely try and drop the message that you’d like a bit of prep time before they come. i.e. just say something like “oh if you only told me you were coming earlier I would have gotten this and this prepped etc etc”
Re: unannounced visits
I don’t like unannounced guests at all, whether my relations or begums and I have made myself clear on this issue.
I wouldn’t mind at all if it was once in a while but several times a week and that too uninformed? Don’t these people have jobs and lives of their own? Kiskay paas Itna time hai?
Anyway, if I were you I’d make an excuse to start with. Like you’re not home yet and at work. Or baby isn’t feeling well and we might have to take him to doc. Or I’m working late. Or even I’m not feeling well. Or my entire kitchen is on fire, etc. You get the picture.
Basically you will have to train them and start with breaking the pattern yourself. Because no, this is not okay. It’s called exhaustion and it’s not pretty.
Re: unannounced visits
First of all let me begin by saying, you have the patience of a saint ! I would have by now make known how I feel. Since these people are your husband’s relatives too I don’t think they would care much if you don’t give them the time of the day as they could spend time with him. You should talk to your husband firmly about this. He could text them saying, we are not in. A few times they would get the message. Or better still text them that you would love to go to them this time. You won’t have to cook!
Re: unannounced visits
Thank you everyone. I think deep down I knew the answers myself but was afraid to grow a spine and follow through on what I knew because of the fear of the inevitable “log kya bolen.” I also needed some reassurance that I’m not crazy and this is not normal. So..the log can go take a walk. I need to get me some sleep.
Reha, when I’m not in a total sleep fog, I’ve noticed some things about “Kiskay paas Itna time hai”. The couples who do this generally have a situation where the wife doesn’t work outside the home. The ones who’ve NEVER done this to me are couples in which the wife does have a full time job in addition to her domestic tasks. They contact me ahead of time. Perhaps it’s just coincidence. But since the stay at home wives do all the domestic tasks, I think what happens is that there isn’t much to do for their husbands after work besides ask “hey, wonder what Mr. and Mrs. Mistral are doing? Let’s drop by!” In the two income family situation, I think the family realizes how incredibly limited everyone’s time is. I have a suspicion that if the wives of the “let’s see what they’re up to” clan find outside work, this will decrease.
Summerfruits, I’m very familiar with the idea that hospitality is emphasized in Islam. So is seeking permission from the residents of a home before entering. I’m fairly certain both these concepts must be kept in balance. Right now, I don’t think the situation is in any way balanced. Allah wouldn’t be happy with me if I showed an unwelcoming attitude. I’m not certain He’d be happy with me if I finally did crash my car because I nodded off at the wheel, something that’s happening with frightening regularity these days.
And for those of you wondering, I would NEVER show up somewhere unannounced. Would never, have never. I would feel awkward and rude. I don’t care if the people receiving me are fine with it. I’m not. Tempting though it is to give some of their own back, I couldn’t. Ammi would be horrified. And you don’t mess with my Ammi. Love her to pieces but I also have a healthy fear of her…as it should be. 
Thanks again guppans. You never let me down. 
Re: unannounced visits
You’re exhausted to the point where you’re falling asleep while driving. I can’t even describe in words in fully just how dangerous it is. You can cause an accident where you can die or end up paralyzed/brain damaged. You can end up killing/seriously hurting another person and end up in jail. My husband is a physician and I work in the legal field so believe me, I see/hear about all sides of this when things go wrong and it’s not pretty.
I would think being a mother, your child would give you the courage/strength needed where you’re not doing something so stupid. In this case, the heck with what your husband/others think. These “relations” are your relatives too and there is absolutely no reason why you can’t talk to them. They may text your husband on his cell and once you’re out of work or even when they show up, there is no reason for you not to explain to them just how exhausted you are and that you would appreciate them scheduling these visits with you at least a few days ahead of time. There is literally zero excuse for you.
Whether or not this is “normal” shouldn’t even matter in this situation. As a mother, you have a responsibility to make sure you are doing everything possible to keep YOURSELF healthy and safe so you can be there for your child. Next time you wonder about “Log kya bolen”…think about what your child will say when his mother ends up dead/paralyzed/brain damaged or in jail b/c she fell asleep while driving.
Re: unannounced visits
You are right. But would you believe I’ve mentioned these things subtly to my visitors, and they still haven’t gotten a clue? In any case, you’re right Paheli. No excuses.
Re: unannounced visits
Yes I believe that. People who lack manners to the point where they show up unannounced on a regular basis to someone home tend to be clueness when it comes to subtle hints. What I can’t believe is that YOU didn’t make sure they got the message as soon as you realized that they didn’t pick up on your subtle messages.
I truly hope you stand up for yourself and put an end to this nonsense.
Re: unannounced visits
Yes ma’am. I have been duly chastised…and it was deserved. This is on me. No one’s holding a gun to my head and if they get hurt/offended/whatever…well, at least I’m still in one piece because I was awake whilst driving. Thank you for the verbal smack down. A bracing reality check is sometimes just the thing.
Re: unannounced visits
I hope you figure out a way to get the message across. I think you should put your foot down with your husband regarding how he should handle these calls. The next time anyone calls saying that they are going to drop by with little notice, he needs to say that it’s not a convenient time/you’re busy and he will get back to them regarding when they can come over. After a while, people will stop assuming they can drop in without much notice and will realise that they have to make a proper plan with you.
Re: unannounced visits
Subtle isn’t working, Mistral. It’s time to be more direct and you can still do that gently. By “direct,” I mean that you have to let them know that you can’t entertain them so frequently. Rather than tell them “I can’t see you whenever you want” …say, “I have my hands full and can we confine visits to _________?” This forces them to give you a response as opposed to nodding their head, changing the subject, going mute, giving you a blank stare, or pretending that they neither heard nor understood you. So be more direct, but still keep it warm. When your visitors themselves are so “bold” as to invite themselves over whenever they want, then you should be bolder with them as well. Again, keep it friendly…just be more direct and more specific in terms of your schedule…so that leaves little wiggle room for them to take advantage.
Agree with Stoppit. You need to tell your husband (if u haven’t already) about how exhausted you feel and how you’ve almost had accidents on the road and that you don’t want it to take its toll on your marriage and parenting. Ask him to refuse their invitations sometimes. It’s not healthy for these visitors to be spending so much time with you…they need to figure out how to be comfortable with each other and not rely on others to relieve their boredom.
Re: unannounced visits
There is a hadith to knock on someone’s door three times when you go their house and if they don’t answer come away and do not feel bad about it “b"ura mut mano”.
I would never do such a thing either whether people are working or not and whether they have kids or not. A long time ago, my husband’s friend’s family used to drop in at odd hours. I had a small baby and they didn’t at that time. So I put my foot down one day when she called to say she was coming and said sorry, I am going to bed.