Baah-MAN
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Tall Talkers
Q:What do you call a Baah-MAN who talks a lot, often without sense?' A:Mr. Chatterjee’ -
Baah-MAN Cave-Men
Q:Name a Baah-MAN cave-man ?' A:Suraj Guha’ -
Baah-MAN Gangsters
Q:Name a Baah-MAN gangster ?' A:Robin Ganguli’ -
Outlawed Pandtijee
Q:What do you call an outlawed Baah-MAN ?' A:Banduk Bannerjee’ -
Marathis and Burping Baah-MANs
Q:What does a Ghati call a burping Baah-MAN ?' A:Mukhopadhaya’ -
Baah-MANs and Semen
Q:What is common between Pandus and sperms' A:Only one in a million works’ -
Panditji’s Coin Stack
Q:What did the Pandu stack up one-cent coins the day before exams ?' A:He wanted to get cent-per-cent’ -
Ghati Panditji
Q:What do you call a Maharashtra Baah-MAN?' A:Ghatpande Guruji’ -
Baah-MAN Millionaire
Q:What do you call a Baah-MAN millionaire?' A:MillionIyer’ -
Panditji in Rome
Q:Why did Panditji go to Rome?' A:To hear Pope Music’ -
Pandus and Light-Bulbs
Q:How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a light-bulb ?' A:An Infinite number. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers’ union (Secularist-Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (Hindutvadin), 1 to be the light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light Bulb corporation, 30 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 100 to go to USA and Europe to import product surveys on purchasing light-bulbs, three to form the judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandals… and so on … -
Changing Tube Lights
Q:How many Baah-MANs does it take to change a tube light?' A:Has not yet been determined. They are still searching for a Vedic reference to tube light.’ -
Invention of the Wire
Q:How was the wire invented?' A:Two Baah-MANs found the same coin’ -
Pandu Nostrils
Q:Why are a Baah-MAN's nostrils big?' A:Because the air is free’ -
Baah-MAN Maidens
Q:How long does a Baah-MANi remain a virgin?' A:As long as she runs faster than her father and brother!’ -
Baah-MAN Bath-Tubs
Q:Why do Baah-MANs have barbed wire around their bath-tubs?' A:So that they don’t drift to sea’ -
Window-Exits
Q:Why do Baah-MANs start climbing through the window when December arrives?' A:Because New Year is on the door-step!’ -
Refridgerator Nahi!' Q:Why do many Baah-MANs refuse to buy fridges ?’
A: `Because they refuse to believe that the light goes off when they shut the door’ -
Long Hands' Q:Why do Baah-MANs have such long hands?’
A: `So that they can, while kissing the cow, also touch the udders!’ -
Ebb
Q:What does a Baah-MAN do during low tide?' A:He sells beach land to the Gujjus!’ -
Calcutta Pandits
Q:What is the place called where two Baah-MANs sat down together in Calcutta ?' A:Dum-dum’ -
Foundation of Kannauj
Q:How was Kannauj founded?' A:When Ashoka stopped by to have his horses grazed, he left behind those who were infected with foot and venereal diseases.’ -
Garden Door
Q: `Why did the Pandu leave the door open?’
A: So that his flowers get fresh air. -
Burglar
Q:How does one know if a Baah-MAN burgled the house?' A:The garbage cans are all eaten empty, and the dog is pregnant!’ -
Bucket of Hot Water
Q:What do Baah-MANs do when they have a bucket of hot water left over?' A:They freeze it, because hot water can always be used later.’ -
Confused Pandu
Q:How to confuse a Pandu?' A:Put him in a round room and tell him to search for the corner.’ -
Really Confused Pandu
Q:How to eally confuse a Pandu (Baah-MAN)?' A:Take a piece of paper and write on both sides, `Turn Over’.’ -
Returned from Airport
Q:Why did the Baah-MAN return home from the airport before going in?' A:Because he saw a sign saying “Airport Left”, so he turned around and went home!’ -
Ten Pandus Ear to Ear
Q:What do you call 10 Pandus standing ear to ear?' A:A wind tunnel’ -
Flat Back of Skull
Q:Why are the backsides of Pandu skulls so flat?' A:Because the toilet-cover keeps on falling on the back of their heads when they drink water.’ -
Long Ladders
Q:Why do Baah-MANs take long ladders when shopping?' A:Because the prices are so high.’ -
Reaching Kannauj
Q:How does one know one has reached Kannauj ?' A:The cows become more beautiful than the girls.’ -
Nose-Cleaning: Tamil Proverb
Q:How does a Pandu clean his nose?' A:By putting his hand around his the back of his head and then grabbing it from the other side.’ -
Cobras and Pandus: Dalit Proverb
Q:When you meet a Cobra and a Baah-MAN, who do you hit first?' A;The Pandu, because Pandus are more poisonous than Cobras!’ -
Police stripes
Q:What is the meaning of the police stripes of a Baah-MAN police officer?' A;One stripe: He can read. Two stripes, he can read and write. Three stripes: He knows somebody who can read and write.’ -
Using the Fields
Q:Why do Pandus prefer to use the fields instead of actual toilets?' A:So that nobody can peep at them through the key-hole!’ -
Sinking Pandu Submarine
Q:How to sink a submarine manned by Baah-MANs?' A:Dive down, and knock on the door. Somebody will open up.’ -
Baah-MANs on TV Towers
Q:Why are Baah-MANs not allowed on the Madras TV tower?' A;Because they always tried to feed the helicopters.’ -
Baah-MAN Measuring Tape
Q:Why do Pandus take a measuring-tape into the bed?' A:So that they can measure how deep was their sleep.’ -
Stones and Matchboxes
Q:Why do Pandus take a stone and a matchbox to bed.' A:With the stone, they smash the lightbulb to turn off the light and they then use the match-stick to check if the light has really gone off.’ -
Origin of Tides
Q:What is the origin of low tide and high tide?' A:When a group of Pandus came, the water was so scared it pulled itself back. Now it comes twice per day, to see if they are still there.’ -
Happy Birthday Cakes
Q:Why was the Baah-MAN baker reprimanded by his boss for wanting to writeHappy Birthday’ on a birtday cake?’
A: `Because he tried to get the cake into a typing machine.’ -
Snakes
Q:What do Baah-MANs do when they see a snake?' A:They stand behind it.’ -
Killing Flies
Q:How do Baah-MANs kill flies?' A:They carry the flies to the roof and then pull the ladder away.’ -
Lightning Windows
Q:Why do Baah-MANs stand at the window when there is thunder and lightning?' A:They think they are being photographed.’ -
Narmada Valley
Q: “How did the Narmada Valley form ?”
A: “Someone dropped a coin and a Brahman went digging for it.” -
Best Ten Years
Q:What are the best ten years of an Baah-MAN's life?' A:Third grade.’ -
Sparkling Eyes
Q: `How do you get a Pandu’s eyes to sparkle?’
A: Shine a flashlight in his ears. -
Laughing Pandu
Q:How do make a Pandu laugh on Saturday?' A:Tell him a joke on Wednesday.’ -
Baah-MAN Intelligence
Q:How do you measure a Baah-MAN's intelligence?' A:Stick a tyre pressure gauge in his ear.’ -
Zealand Baah-MANs
Q: `What do you call a New Zealand Baah-MAN?
A: A ZE-BRA! -
Revolving Door
Q: Why did the Baah-MAN go around in a revolving door for six hours?
A; Because he couldn’t remember whether he was going in or coming out! -
Sparkling Eyes
Q:Why are Baah-MANs like Coke bottles?' A:They are both empty from the neck up.’ -
Kannauj Census
Q:“How do they take the census in Kannauj ?”
A:“They roll a rupee coin down the street.” -
Filling Phonebooths
How do you get 1000 Baah-MANs in a phonebooth ?
Throw in a ruppee coin.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them it’s a Mughal’s phonebooth. -
Goa Beach
Q: “Why is Goa beach the most popular beach for Baah-MANs ?”
A: “Because it was built over a gold mine!!!” -
Overcoming Cold Weather
Q: “What do Baah-MANs do when they are cold ?”
A: “They sit around a candle!!”
Q: “What do they do when they are really cold ??”
A: “They light it!!” -
Pandu Tarzan
Q: "If Tarzan and Jane were Baah-MAN what would cheeta be ? "
A: " A fur coat " -
Climbing Fences
Q: “Why did the Pandu climb the fence?”
A: “To see what was on the other side!” -
Shut-down of Mathura Library
Q: "Did you hear about the shutdown of Mathura Library ?’
A: “Somebody stole the book.”