Hello all, I have been a long time lurker here, and never really had an issue I needed help on until now. I’ve recently graduated – I’m a pharmacist now, Alhamdulillah – and my mother is getting antsy about getting me married asap. We’ve been getting some really good prospects, mA, but due to various reasons on either of the ends, nothing came of it. However, recently, it has somewhat come down to two guys. Guy #1 is clearly better than the other in terms of education, job, and looks, and on the plus side, we’re even compatible. Guy #2 is nice, a bit out of shape, not my type, and we have nothing in common. Yet for some inexplicable reason, my mother is leaning towards Guy #2.
I have shown my preference for Guy #1 and said no to 2. Both of their families have said yes, except Guy #1 wants to have a look-see before giving 100% a-ok. I don’t mind, really. My mother is freaking me out by saying the following stuff after I clearly said no to Guy #2:
What if the other guy says no after a meet-up?
Compatibility isn’t everything!
You shouldn’t reject someone, what if it angers Allah?
What if a better prospect never comes along again…ever?
You don’t want any regrets in the future.
Husband shouldn’t be better looking than the wife! Wife should have the upper hand in the looks department.
Nobody will force you to marry, but let us go and at least see Guy #2 once.
Granted, I haven’t seen either of the guys face-to-face yet and all I know about them is through facebook and their mothers. What do I do lovely people? I have been worrying myself sick. What if she’s right? I thought one should have similar interests with their spouse. I’m asking her to wait a couple more months, but she thinks I’m an idiot for liking the slightly better looking guy who I have a lot in common with.
I do know that I might not end up marrying either of the two, but her behavior is shocking to me. She’s clearly disregarding my choice, and I know will continue to do so in the future.
Thank you for reading this wall of text. Stay blessed.
Try to stall the mother's rapid advance towards Guy#2.In the meanwhile, go through the meet with guy#1. If guy#1 gives ok. Go ahead, if he doesn't agree, then you can proceed to guy#2.
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Husband shouldn't be better looking than the wife! Wife should have the upper hand in the looks department.
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How will u ensure this? Someone might find u beautiful and ur husband average while someone else might think u are butt ugly and ur husband is dashing?? :/
Try to stall the mother's rapid advance towards Guy#2.In the meanwhile, go through the meet with guy#1. If guy#1 gives ok. Go ahead, if he doesn't agree, then you can proceed to guy#2.
I'm trying my best to stall. I can throw only so many tantrums. Let's see. Thanks for the sound advice.
Go for who you like.
Will try my best! Do pray for me, haha.
How will u ensure this? Someone might find u beautiful and ur husband average while someone else might think u are butt ugly and ur husband is dashing?? :/
I know! But it's apparently my mother's favorite card to play whenever she sits down to have a talk with me.
Allah subhan a Talah has given you the right to choose a spouse, unless you make fun and display vanity , I don't see how it will anger Allah SWT . Compatibility is a must but do remember people's true colors emerge later. IA you will get a good spouse but I think you don't want to marry guy 2 even if guy 1 says no, God forbid. That is your right if that's what u want.
Rejecting someone won't anger Allah.. if that was the case you wouldn't be able to say 'no' to anyone, would you..
Maybe your mum likes guy 2's family more? Regardless of that though it's your decision, not hers.. If she thinks compatibility shouldn't be near the top of the list she's not right.. Am sure you don't need us telling you that either..
So if you haven't met either than there is nothing wrong in just humoring your mother and meeting both of them. It seems as if she's not wanting you to make any presumed judgements on guy number 2, before meeting him just because guy number 1 is making a better impression based on the little you know. Since you haven't met either, do so first and then you will have a solid reason to give your mother. People can speak for years online or over email /phone/skype and not have any actual chemistry in person so give them both a shot. No harm, no fuss and who knows how things will go. Just keep an open mind. :) I know this rishta business is tough but don't limit yourself, just go and check out the situation before dismissing it completely.
Hello all, I have been a long time lurker here, and never really had an issue I needed help on until now. I've recently graduated -- I'm a pharmacist now, Alhamdulillah -- and my mother is getting antsy about getting me married asap. We've been getting some really good prospects, mA, but due to various reasons on either of the ends, nothing came of it. However, recently, it has somewhat come down to two guys. Guy #1 is clearly better than the other in terms of education, job, and looks, and on the plus side, we're even compatible. Guy #2 is nice, a bit out of shape, not my type, and we have nothing in common. Yet for some inexplicable reason, my mother is leaning towards Guy #2.
I have shown my preference for Guy #1 and said no to 2. Both of their families have said yes, except Guy #1 wants to have a look-see before giving 100% a-ok. I don't mind, really. My mother is freaking me out by saying the following stuff after I clearly said no to Guy #2:
What if the other guy says no after a meet-up? He can but this would not be the end of the world
Compatibility isn't everything? she is not right here
You shouldn't reject someone, what if it angers Allah? you are given the right to chose by ALLAH, why would that anger HIM,unless you make fun of the person you refuse.
What if a better prospect never comes along again...ever? she has a right concern, and for this you should first meet both the guys, analyze and then decide.
You don't want any regrets in the future. there is no guarantee
Husband shouldn't be better looking than the wife! Wife should have the upper hand in the looks department. well i don't know what's her logic behind this? may she thinks that this way wife can dominate husband or husband won't get attracted to other ladies. well you must make her understand that this is a bogus logic.
Nobody will force you to marry, but let us go and at least see Guy #2 once.Yes she is right here. don't just say no to guy 2 on the basis of what you see on fb or heard from his family. meet him with an open & positive mind and then decide. Also you can't really tell you are compatible with the person by just seeing their fb profile. so you must also try to get to know guy 1 before you take a decision.
Granted, I haven't seen either of the guys face-to-face yet and all I know about them is through facebook and their mothers. What do I do lovely people? I have been worrying myself sick. What if she's right? I thought one should have similar interests with their spouse. I'm asking her to wait a couple more months, but she thinks I'm an idiot for liking the slightly better looking guy who I have a lot in common with.
I do know that I might not end up marrying either of the two, but her behavior is shocking to me. She's clearly disregarding my choice, and I know will continue to do so in the future.
Thank you for reading this wall of text. Stay blessed.
I totallly agree with what previousa posters have said about at least meeting both guys before making your decision. When I was going through the rishta process last year, there was this one guy that looked great on paper. He was an engineer in the states with a great job, of good family, decent looking, we had similar interests (per his resume/facebook) and he had even married all his sisters off since his dad had passed away when he was young. Overall, I got the impression of a wonderful, caring and responsible person ... all qualities that are important in a husband. My parents were super picky about rishtas and had rejected dozens other good catches for one reason or another. But this guy's credentials impressed them too. I was pretty convinced we'd eventually end up together.
When we actually met though, it was awkward (ofcourse!), but I got a super weird vibe from him. For some reason, he just didn't seem "right". I still can't really explain what was wrong with him. And it wasn't just me....my parents felt it too. That, plus their family dynamic was just...inappropriate.
What I mean to say in a really roundabout way is that, don't judge either of the guys before you meet them and have a chat with them. Even a short meeting can tell you a lot about the person.
Try to stall the mother's rapid advance towards Guy#2.In the meanwhile, go through the meet with guy#1. If guy#1 gives ok. Go ahead, if he doesn't agree, then you can proceed to guy#2.
