assalamoalikum 
An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: “Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?”
At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and never order dessert!
At least once, you’ve started a joke with, “Confucius say…”
At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.
Everyone thinks you’re Chinese no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
Everyone thinks you’re good at math.
Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever so popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc…
People see just a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
Piles of shoes make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.
The Biology lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night’s dinner.
The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
When going to other peoples’ houses, you always have to bring a gift.
You ask you parents for help on one math problem and 2 hours later they’re still lecturing.
You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
You drive mostly Japanese cars.
You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
You get nothing if you do well in school, but get crapped on if you don’t.
You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
You have NO eyelashes.
You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange smelling unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
You have to call just about all of your parents’ friends “Auntie” or “Uncle.”
You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee- yah! or Mary- yah!)
You know what bok choy is.
You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
You like $1.75 movies.
You like $1.50 movies even more.
You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
You own a rice cooker…
or two.
Your ancestors, 1000 years back, invented the back scratcher.
Your dad is some kind of engineer.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chang).
Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can grow into it and wear it for years to come.
Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, “In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more.”
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends’ kids.
Your parents expect you’ll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
Your parents have either made you play the violin, the piano, or both.
Your parents have never kissed each other.
Your parents have never kissed you.
Your parents insist you marry within your race.
Your parents say, “Calculus?! I took calculus in 8th grade!!”
Your parents say, “Don’t forget your heritage.”
Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
Your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say, “Eat it anyway. It’s still good.”
Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
Your parents’ vocabulary is filled with “ai-yahs” and “wahs.”
Your relatives’ house smells like mothballs, incense or both.
You shop 99 Ranch, Market World, or Yaohan.
You’ve ever gotten little red envelopes around February.
You’ve had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
You’ve had to eat parts of animals they don’t even put in hot dogs.
You’ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
You’ve learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
“You want a stereo?!? When I was your age, I didn’t even have shoes!!”
You will most likely be taller than your parents.
Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular, lime green.