A recent argument/fight with a friend got me thinking…
Is it worse to be openly bitchy and rude or be nice and sweet and friendly and then talk crap about that person behind their back, al under hte guise of “You have to show respect to everyone on this planet and be nice to them.”
This seems to be a quality I’ve seen mainly in Pakistanis. Now I"m not saying that all people who are welcoming and friendly are really backbitiers, there are many who are actually genuine. But in our culture and religion as well acutally, guests are to be treated in the best manner possible and do everything possible to eliminate discomfort and unease, even if it’s not sincere. My own parents are like this and I have friends like this and one actually gave me that justification for this behavior and it got me thinking.
I am more Americanized in the sense that I am somewhat blunt, and I mean what I say and soem take that as rudeness. If I dont want to talk to someone or keep any sort of relationship with them, I just ignore them; if it comes down to it, I will tell them to their face. I’m not willing to change myself, and be nice and welcoming to people I don’t know, who aren’t related to me or anyone I know or love.
everything in extreme is a menace.. too much bluntness can hurt people and relations.. be rationale.. saying the right thing at right time is important.. dont always religously say things since they seem correct to u.. there are many moments when not saying things help more.. trying to sound all right-correct behavoir all the time devoids life with charm.. mystery and fun..
You're thinking in extremes Sara516. I know many genuinely nice Desi people who don't talk behind others' backs. But I do know plenty who do. I think being blunt and honest is 'very refreshing', but there's a limit before you can really hurt someone's feelings. Most people, especially Desis are sensitive to how others treat them..and read into other's behavior way too much.
I'm not scared of nice people because i'm pretty good at sensing if someone is genuine or not. There is always a level of superficial politeness when you have guests you don't know. I personally think it's important to leave a good impression. But it doesn't mean you'll end up being best friends. If someone decides that they don't like you then too bad, as long as you are true to yourself.
Sara - just worry about the things you can control as opposed to those you can't. You can control your own behavior, you can't control others. You can control what you do, and not what others do.
So, if you are living day to day the best you can, does it really matter what a person who has no effect on your life really says to such-and-such about you? Even if it is a friend or family they are talking about you with, those that know you won't take it seriously at all. Let whoever talk, there will always be someone tearing others down simply because it makes them feel superior doing that.
I know there are many nice and sincere people… the thing is i get too chummy with some people, and i get very comfortable with them very quickly and ill end up spilling my story to them and then just pray that they’re being true… that’s not good and I don’t think i have that filter yet Of course you have to be polite and make a good impression, but I’m talking about how they’ll act like a good friend, chummy, sociable, more htan just being polite, but then they say that they’re like this or that and that just leaves my head messed up and confused
Sara, do what you feel is right and suites you best. You can never please everyone.
I recently tried not talking to certain people too much because of their rudeness, arrogance and the like. Instead, I was blamed for being rude and arrogant by not conversing and keeping in touch with'em much.
Anyway, I try talking to them as nicely as possible to the best of my ability and ignore all the comments that are thrown my way.
Besides, the trait of twofacedness is found in almost everyone. Both desis and non-desis alike.
Personally, I think that as one human to another, basic respect requires that you be civil. Even to those who you do not like. Being honest/blunt/open about disliking somebody or disagreeing with them is a lot different than being er "bitchy". You can clearly be yourself and act like you wish and say what you want to, without being a jerk.
is it worse to be openly bitchy and rude or be nice and sweet and friendly and then talk crap about that person behind their back..
Neither is alright. One shouldnt waste time talking behind another's back. There is frankly no point. If you want to express your opinions to somebody, go ahead and do so to their face. However, "being openly bitchy" would mean one is being a "bitch" - which in my eyes is not a compliment.
So express your opinions in a civil manner. Anyone can do that. Without degrading ones self. :)
