Inspired by Moona’s thread 
Sorry if i don’t make any sense but thats just me 
btw I don't agree with the "prince charming" material. I mean either he'll be prince or charming otherwise we have Prince Charles :D
Fantastic1,
"Kissing a lot of toads" was simply my own Mum's way of saying as that as I grow, I will come to recognize the "toads" from the princes. (Certainly she was not telling me to line them all up and kiss them all before I find the one to live happily ever after with;) )
This is only my own view I offer --- my needs and wants at 18 were so different from I need/want in a Mr. Right at this point in time. How will I know? I have only the example of my own parents to guide me. . .
Mum told me that when she (American/Catholic) met my father (Pakistani heritage/Muslim)there could not have been two different people to have met. However, the more they made a friendship, the more they found in common. As they gradually let down the walls that divided them, by openly asking questions to learn more about the person beneath the two stereotypes, they began to feel a closeness and warmth in their hearts. She describes their romance and marriage as one only God could have created - from two different worlds, two different religions, two different cultures - - -yet, they chose to build on all they had in common - their values, their views on life, and their love for God and each other. They are best friends who laugh together, who love each other, who also fight with as much passion as they make up. My father loves cricket - Mum likes to watch him play, though she barely knows a bat from a wicket!hehehe She enjoys mountains of West Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina - he keeps her company on her adventures. Father enjoys New York, Chicago, San Fransico, and Seattle - she keeps him company in the big cities. She has learned his religion and he has learned hers. She respects his duty as a Muslim. He respects her for her religious convictions, though he does not agree with her. I grew up learning two vastly different people as my Father and my Mum, but I always longed for such a deep friendship and love in my own life. I truly hope I can find that in my lifetime.
Arrey I know what your mom meant I just wanted to know if that applies for everyone? I mean is it neccassary we will meet alot of wrong kinda ppl before meeting the right one or we can be lucky enough to just land with the right one too?
Only Allah knows. But you would be extremely lucky you get the right person right off the bat. But it has happened.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by anahndi: *
Fantastic1,
"Kissing a lot of toads" was simply my own Mum's way of saying as that as I grow, I will come to recognize the "toads" from the princes. (Certainly she was not telling me to line them all up and kiss them all before I find the one to live happily ever after with;) )
This is only my own view I offer --- my needs and wants at 18 were so different from I need/want in a Mr. Right at this point in time. How will I know? I have only the example of my own parents to guide me. . .
Mum told me that when she (American/Catholic) met my father (Pakistani heritage/Muslim)there could not have been two different people to have met. However, the more they made a friendship, the more they found in common. As they gradually let down the walls that divided them, by openly asking questions to learn more about the person beneath the two stereotypes, they began to feel a closeness and warmth in their hearts. She describes their romance and marriage as one only God could have created - from two different worlds, two different religions, two different cultures - - -yet, they chose to build on all they had in common - their values, their views on life, and their love for God and each other. They are best friends who laugh together, who love each other, who also fight with as much passion as they make up. My father loves cricket - Mum likes to watch him play, though she barely knows a bat from a wicket!hehehe She enjoys mountains of West Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina - he keeps her company on her adventures. Father enjoys New York, Chicago, San Fransico, and Seattle - she keeps him company in the big cities. She has learned his religion and he has learned hers. She respects his duty as a Muslim. He respects her for her religious convictions, though he does not agree with her. I grew up learning two vastly different people as my Father and my Mum, but I always longed for such a deep friendship and love in my own life. I truly hope I can find that in my lifetime.
[/QUOTE]
very sweet
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CM: *
Only Allah knows. But you would be extremely lucky you get the right person right off the bat. But it has happened.
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Then what abt ppl who have arrange marriages?
In our society. Marriage aint about love and finding your soul mate. Its about mutual respect and compromise. Those are the pillars of any marriage, however they are the basis of marriage in pakistani society. In most other societies you know the person before getting married and thus you have that concept of love is pre-existing and the rest of the married life is adjusting to the other person and growing yourself.
In our society, unless you come from what people would describe with great disdain as "a liberal family", you are stuck with whatever your parents choose for you. They will look at the material needs, wealth, good family, is he a good person etc. It is assumed as these needs are fulfilled your emotional, social and psychological needs will automatically be met by the same man. Doesnt always happen.
Most likely there will be tension, getting to know the person and then you comes to the term with the reality that you guys have to survive and volia. There is when respect and compromise come in. So no in my opinion you dont find your soul mate in an arranged marriage. If you do, you are extremely lucky or delusional.
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by CM: *Most likely there will be tension*, getting to know the person and then you comes to the term with the reality that you guys have to survive and volia.
[/QUOTE]
Is that opinion or a statistical fact?
CM shud up you are scaring me 
anahdi, Thats a sweet little story, and I am glad things worked out so well for your parents... still there is a lot of hesitiation amongst interracial marraiges...I feel the paradigm has not really shifted toward an environment more conducive to such unions... but stories such as that of your parents are heart warming!
anahndi, I know what you mean. My priorities re: men have changed from the time I was 19 and began getting rishtey. If anything,…good or bad,…I know that I’ve gotten pickier in my choice of men but in a way that’s good because it shows that I know exactly what I want and won’t settle for anything less. The downside of being this picky is that we women tend to lose out on men who may have some but not all the qualities we seek in them. I have come around to realizing that certain differences in a person should be embraced because no one is ever 100% perfect (heck, not even me!) As long as the person meets most of your requirements and there is good chemistry/one-on-one interaction, you’re good to go. Most recently, I had given someone a chance who was not a perfect 10 by my standards but was definitely someone I got my heart set on, but then he stabbed me in the back. Story of a girl’s life. Anyhow, I refuse to let a bad experience taint future experiences with men. I have learned and I have grown. Honesty and trust are huge priorities now as is finding someone mature in outlook. Children need alot of babysitting afterall. No one needs a baby as their significant other, husband, etc. I am ever so confident that I will meet my Mr. Right. I know he is out there searching for me as I search for him. Same goes to all you single, bright, gorgeous, motivated women out there. Keep your chins up!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
Is that opinion or a statistical fact?
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It is reality. No two people are 100% compatible. If they are, then they are lying. There are always something that annoys you about some one. Heck i have lived with my sister all my life. But i have habits that annoy her and there are habits that annoy me. Its the same with you and your brother. There is friction. There is tension. Just depends how far it progresses.
Fanta honestly you shouldnt listen to me. I am a cynic. Marriage has been a failed institution for a long time in our society. Just live life the way you wish to. Marriage is important. It is great i believe. But hell it aint easy. It is one of the most difficult thing i have seen most of my friends go through.
Sweetpie, honestly that is what i find wrong with our society and women idealize this ideal man to marry who will have all the qualities they desire. This ideal man is a figment of their imagination. No man will ever meet every expectation you have. If he does, he would be genetically engineered by some mad scientist in lab. Everybody has faults. Some are big some arent. The decision is yours which is too much to handle.
I appreciate the warmth on my parents marriage. Even to my two different sets of grandparents, after twenty-something years of marriage, there are at times difficulties. Interracial marriages are tough, but can be happy.
As I search around for not a perfect man, simply one best-suited to me, I try to keep the same openness in my heart that my Father and Mum had in theirs. After all, if they had waited for Mr. or Ms. Right - maybe a Muslim girl or a Catholic boy - then I might not even be here sharing their story!hehe
So, for all of us - let approach love with open minds and open hearts, and just let God work the rest out.
BTW, one more funny thing I wanted to share - that my Father always says about Mum - He said he knew in his heart that he had married his Mrs. Right, he just didn’t realize that her first name was Always!
Re: Two questions abt relationships
1) How can one know the person is right for you or not?
You know it when you know yourself …and trust me u r far from there 
**2) Someone in the thread mentioned abt “kissing a lot of men before finding the prince charming” that may be true but is it neccassary the first one won’t be the right one? **
I disagree……If things don’t workout doesn’t mean the other person is a ba$tard. If that were the case this world would have been full of toads.
People should learn to appreciate the differences and move on…You don’t marry every nice guy/girl that you meet… a toad for you is a prince charming for the bitch next door. 
Re: Re: Two questions abt relationships
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by BoSS: *
**1)
You know it when you know yourself ...and trust me u r far from there :-D
*
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good point so how can i know abt myself? :D Its a serious question :p
The thing is I haven’t known to many men, my bro and my father and my taya thats all. Rest of the men in family I know only tit bits about. Didn’t have any cousins of my age-group to get an oppurtunity to interact with. So if something is wrong with someone, I will probably never notice or what may be a common thing about men would seem like a flaw to me. In such a situation I can only pity the man who will marry me
Its kinda true I don’t know myself well, I know am demanding, at times dumb, I think alot, i get jealous at times (no not of pretty girls ) I think alot and i mean A LOT and don’t mingle with ppl much I also know am very honest. caring and loyal and dead scared of a failed marriage
Sometimes I feel due to my own insecurities I am going to make my man suffer. Just dunno what I should do and how. No, I don’t have any image of my prince charming, just honest and caring thats all but I have seen way too many compromise marriages that its scary. Not knowing men means I can’t figure out that what a man does is right and when i have to feel alarmed, bothers me a lot. 
Dunno if i made any sense or not but thats oki. no smily
oh and I think i have started uing too many smilies :(
Cafe` needs u 
I know that there are down-to-earth, caring, unselfish men out there. Fanty and co., if the truth be known, you can only REALLY get to know a person and his true colors as time progresses. I do think it’s possible to meet your Mr. Right the very first time IF in your heart of hearts you feel that he is the one for you (without external influences from your family, friends, and even him). Look at the overall picture first and whether he is right for you. As far as picking a few bad apples before finding the good one, well it certainly happens to most of us no doubt. Not everyone is sweet and peachy out there the way you want them to be. Men can put up fronts, pretending to be one way but in person proving themselves very different. In person, you really get the full measure of an individual and whether in fact you’re compatible with that person or not. Try meeting him face-to-face as much as possible, show your love, let him show you his, and all will be well in the world…
My advice: Do not lower your standards, ladies. Meet someone like you’ve always had in mind (or close enough to it), and as Fraudz advised so eloquently, don’t put your heart into the relationship before finding out if the person fits the bill for you.
Peace