Sometimes we come across proposals where the families are just…amazing. They are very well respected and well known and lovingly ask for your hand in marriage and really really want for you to be a part of their family. Their son may not meet all the requirements you had…he is good in a moral way and you know you will be taken care off but just that you feel it will take longer to build a connection with him because he doesn’t meet all your educational/physical requirements.
Other times we get guys that meet every little detail we could have ever possible wanted but the family isnt as welcoming. They have already set the guidelines on what needs to change after marriage and how to adapt to their lifestyle, etc.
My question: Is it better to go for an amazing family with an average guy or an amazing guy with an average family?
So many people of today’s generation feel that family doesn’t matter when picking a spouse because after all it will be you and the guy living the life. But I feel in our culture family is a huge influence.
Also you can replace the guys in my scenarios with girls. It works both ways.
There should never be a family vs. guy/girl. Given the fact that you're spending the rest of your life as that person's partner, will share a bed with him/her every night, and will raise children together etc.......it's beyond ridiculous to ignore the future spouse's personality/values/future goals etc.
As for how important it is for the in-laws to like you......well that depends on how close the future spouse is to the in-laws, what the living arrangements will be like etc. My husband is a great guy IMO. I knew before marriage that my in-laws didn't like me. But I was ok with that b/c his parents/sibling live in a different state. Hubby sees them 1-2x/year for a few days. The ONLY reason I would ever have to share a house with them is if/when they become so physically/mentally incapacitated that they can not live on their own. Even then, odds are they'll prefer to move in with hubby's older sibling b/c he's closer to them. I knew for a fact before the marriage that their involvement in our married life will be very minimal. So in my case, the family not liking me doesn't make a major difference in our daily life.
However, for people planning on living in joint family settings.......or situations where the in-laws live less than an hour away and you will see then on a regular basis/will be much more involved in their lives.......or in situations where the future spouse has a VERY strong attachment with his/her family etc......they need to give more importance to how the in-laws feel about them.
What you consider an average guy in the beginning might turn out to be a great one or a bad family may turn out to be okay and normal and vice versa. Its hard to tell which option is the best one.
I wonder how many future wives ever consider what they themselves will bring into the guys' family and whether they can make an effort (effort not compromise) to improve things if there are issues OR consider not taking steps that will create issues. Do they even consider that or all their focus is on good guy, good salary, good in laws, good clothes, good wedding and stuff like that.
tough one. im a very people person, and if my in laws are cold, i'd be disappointed. BUT, the guy DEFINITELY matters more than family. you have to live with him and spend your nights and days with him, not the in laws!
A man is a product of his family and his upbringing. If the guy is amazing his family would be as well because he would be brought yup by the father and mother.