I must express my gratitude for such a lovely gift.
Your thoughtfulness and taste is matched only by your thrift.
It’s clear that you spared all expense, if you catch my drift.
Remove the anti-theft device when you again shoplift.
We’re sorry you now mourn the loss of your beloved cat.
For if we had only braked in time, it wouldn’t be so flat.
It’s Christmas time, and once again, the family’s gathered 'round.
Uncles, aunts, and cousins come to raise a joyful sound.
All that is, except for you, whom we can only send this mail.
But we’ll save your gifts for fifty years till you get out of jail.
This Christmas time I give to you a book that isn’t mine.
So give it back before it’s due or I’ll have to pay a fine.