this is wat my mother said when the other day when masti mazaq mein my brother asked me when they re getting me married and i said ‘dont even think abt it for at least 5 years’.
i was taken aback. that was the first time that this topic was discussed in my family. since the beginning i had the impression that when the time would come, they would consult me. but when my mother said they wouldnt really give heed to my opinion..i have been a little worried.
i have more reason to be worried coz lately a friend of mine got engaged. she had refused but her parents said ‘we just asked for ur opinion. we re making the decision ourselves.’ and now she is engged to that person.
i dont think islam allows that. we girls have full right to choose who we marry and when. parents cannot impose these sorts of things on us. i am more career oriented and am not very fond of running a family. i m still young and it would still atke me years before i can even finish my MBA. if in a couple of years my parents would want me to get married, i m afraid i ll do something that would not be good for any of us.
why is that guys can have their say when it comes to marriage and not the girls. the sad part is that we are the educated ones. in rural areas, the girls are treated like mere cattle. we are still lucky enuff to be asked for our opinion. in pakistani villages girls are married to men twice their age, and parents dont seem to care.
are we girls that big a burden for our parents that they seem to want to get rid of us so soon? do we hyave no right to decide how we want to spend our lives ourselves.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Hum Sa Ho To Samne Aaye: *
Urgh. And I'm visiting Pakistan (my family) this summer. I do NOT need to read this. Oh my God. I'm getting a panic attack.
[/QUOTE]
It has to do with a patriarchal society that is in most of the world. In poorer countries it has become part of a culture. In some cases even compounded by religion.
Tell your parents you want a mercedes by the time you're 28, live in a four bedroom, 3.5 bath colonial in Greenwhich, CT and give talks on social activism and the corporation. You also only want 2 kids, a husband that is equally as smart as you, atleast as accomplished. You want to go to museum and gallery openings, theatre and take in occasional ball game. You would like to travel to the carribean, once a year to unwind and take one trip to someplace interesting like Costa Rica or Chile. You want to be able ot raise children that are culturally well adjusted, intelligent and inquisitive. Come from a background that appreciates education over dogma. Are best fit to compete in the modern world without the shackled of old world views of women's role in a society. becasue...YOU WANT TO BE THEIR ROLE MODEL
see their reaction.
The alternative is, that you will resent your parents for marrying you to someone who might not understand your ambition, your drive and cultural nuances and even if you did your MBA, he would refuse to watch the kids while you are paying for him to get his C++ programming certification from the community college.
HumSa: you are a guy. ur parents still listen to u. at least ask what sort of a girl u'd like..... for most of us girls we have no option. out parents chose the mr. right for us. parents forget that we have to spend our lives with him, not them. they care more abt family backgrounds then the grooms own personality.
matsui: i already had something like that in mind but i know all that d be futile. i have a lot of time on think on that but i did get a shock when all of a sudden i realized wat my future would be like. lolz at the c++ programming certification :D
thankfully, Allah ka lakh lakh shukar hae my parents r not like that…and waise bhee i have a plan chalked out to escape from all this…im gona become a jogan and wander all over the world
waise, pata kia, believe me your parents in many cases know whats better for you, im sure they wont marry u off to someone whos not good
lekin if you really are serious about doing something else in life, then work hard, excel in your studies and prove to your parents that you are serious about those things and believe me then they might change their thinking abt you
this is scary stuff! Thank god I have let my parents know from time to time.. I am not one of those weak girls who succumb to the parental pressure and marry some ambitionless paindu who expects me to cook, clean and make babies.
But still, it scares me to death. My mom is as stubborn as me. To prevent falling into such a pit, I am going to move out once I graduate and no one can stop me from doing that. Not even death threats.
Udas: don't lose heart. she might be kidding or something. Have a talk to with yer parents. Tell them how exactly u feel about all this.
irem: u re so luckt to have parents like that. my father i m sure is not like that but like cb my mom s a tough one. aap ki duaein hongi to inshalllah kuch ban k dikhaooon gi.
sadzzz: want to borrrow my parents for a while?
cb: thats another one of my problems. i have never sat down to talk to my parents. have never discussed a problem with them and neither have they ever encouraged us too. they ll think i ve gone mad if i say sthg like this to them.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Matsui: *
It has to do with a patriarchal society that is in most of the world. In poorer countries it has become part of a culture. In some cases even compounded by religion.
Tell your parents you want a mercedes by the time you're 28, live in a four bedroom, 3.5 bath colonial in Greenwhich, CT and give talks on social activism and the corporation. You also only want 2 kids, a husband that is equally as smart as you, atleast as accomplished. You want to go to museum and gallery openings, theatre and take in occasional ball game. You would like to travel to the carribean, once a year to unwind and take one trip to someplace interesting like Costa Rica or Chile. You want to be able ot raise children that are culturally well adjusted, intelligent and inquisitive. Come from a background that appreciates education over dogma. Are best fit to compete in the modern world without the shackled of old world views of women's role in a society. becasue...YOU WANT TO BE THEIR ROLE MODEL
see their reaction.
The alternative is, that you will resent your parents for marrying you to someone who might not understand your ambition, your drive and cultural nuances and even if you did your MBA, he would refuse to watch the kids while you are paying for him to get his C++ programming certification from the community college.
[/QUOTE]
shutup
if i were the parent i will slap my daughter for saying all of that and making me use the dictionary
