Most of you don’t know me. Few of you do. Those who do might know by looking at this thread that I may have been gone for a while. I used to be regular. Had fun. Made a few people laugh. Many made me laugh. Some made me cry. Made a few very fond relationships that I cherish and appreciate GS for the venue that it provided me as an alter-social outlet for I don’t have an actual social life. When you are down and out those who used to be friends became “used to be friends” and, hence, GS came into my life and with it came a few people I cherish. I am rambling… I guess I am letting off some thoughts… thinking out loud here since now I have time to do that after a long while. I don’t know if I am glad to be here to rattle off my thoughts… I might not have been in this world a few weeks ago … finding a way out when all hope is taken away, when every breath weighs heavy, when every glance and sight seems to be last, when the sense of desperation is absolute… certain thoughts make world of sense. It wasn’t the thought of right or wrong but that my wife would have to take time off on my account and our family life would be in more peril… only this kept me … only this thought made me think I can’t let that happen.
Never trust a friend. Never trust someone you thought you respected for over a decade. Never trust any elderly person one you respected for a long time.
Today… you’d have to be in my place to be able to utter this without your body shaking from shear grief and sorrow… today our lives are shattered. Shattered. We have lost everything. Lost all of our savings that we invested in a business. The trust that we thought we could place on someone on account of knowing someone for over a decade became our family’s “phaNsi ka phanda”. I have now been diagnosed with low-blood pressure and have lost over 20 pounds this month or the last 2 months … only from worry, anxiety and fear. Have been prescribed anti-depressant to calm my nerves.
We shutdown our business and called a moving company to haul out everything that wasn’t nailed to the walls. We will try to sell most of what we pulled to used equipment buyers … hopefully we can raise enough money to cover some bills until I find a job.
My immediate consolation is knowing that everyone that defrauded us… we’ll be pushing for jail time. The fraud committed has civil and criminal aspects to it. It’s a good thing that we (all involved) are not in Pakistan. Ishaara kaafi hai.
Have lived in absolute fear and anxiety for the past few months. Today the unthinkable has taken place. Today… I feel much calmer for after walking the “pul-e-sarat” and wondering which way we’ll go down… my stomach is not in any knots, my hands are not feeling so weak that I might drop anything that I might lift (that may have been my low-blood pressure), don’t feel nauseated. In a few weeks… who knows… we may be on the street… shelter… don’t know. Haven’t been on this path before so don’t know what to think… or I am just being anxious again and getting ahead of myself?
Tomorrow… I start looking for a job.
Had so high dreams and aims. We were so much on the high road… and then the whole thing began to unfold. Watching the last penny invested spiraling downward was the most excruciating thing that is beyond description. Today capped our dreams. Other venues will open up in the future. Life may hit very, very rocky waters in the near future but it might be manageable until I find a job. Wife works but brings in half our family’s expense.
Never trust anyone you thought you could trust… or if you do… try to cover your bets. We have paid very dearly… with money up to now… for it almost included my life and as a result the shattering of other lives.
Daikhna hai keh kal kia hota hai.
jannu bhai.. rizq USKI taraf say hay.. theek? himmat karain aur bismillah karkay job dhoondain.. insha-allah wo AUR day ga…
