Even if you don’t bring up your insecurities with your husband…it can reflect in your body language and attitude. And people pick up on these things. Insecurity is generally a turn off to both genders. It can be a real relationship killer. You have to ask yourself if your insecurity is mainly the result of him talking to his cousin…OR…if you have always felt this way even before marriage? IF you’ve always struggled with this…then you should reflect upon what’s causing this.
Attractive girls can be found everywhere. Even in your own home on the TV. Will you shut the TV off? What if you have a daavat at your home and an attractive woman shows up? Then what? Or perhaps you have to attend an event (dinner, party, wedding) where there may be many women…what would you do? Not step outside the house? Sad Fact of Life: There will always be someone more prettier…more smarter…more talented than you. And even those people are far from perfect. What makes you unique as an individual? Focus on those qualities. Your husband was not forced to marry you. He WANTED to marry you…not his cousin…YOU! He CHOSE to spend the rest of his life with you and that’s a huge decision to undertake. If he wanted…he could have waited to see if he can find a prettier/better girl to marry. But he wasn’t interested in doing that. To him…you were the one. You were the prize…so act like it.
Looking at a women (even by accident) doens’t mean he’s going to divorce you and marry her. And sometimes a glance can be inadvertent. Marriage does not mean that a person will stop finding others attractive. You are married, but I’m sure you still find other guys (actors, even random strangers) attractive. You might even acknowledge secretly to yourself that another guy is better looking than your husband. It’s natural. But does that mean you’d leave him for the other guy? No, it doesn’t.
I once heard/read a story of a guy who worked at the same place/office as his wife…and he cheated on her. I’m not telling you this to scare you. But to hopefully help you realize that…you can be near your husband and watch him like a hawk…you could even be under the same roof as him…but if he wants to cheat…he’ll find a way to do so. He’s an adult…not a child…so you can’t control him. He’ll do what he wants to do. IF he cheated…you wouldn’t want to be with him anyway. It’s also no fun to interact with someone whose every move you feel you have to monitor. You can’t really have a “relationship” with someone you have to watch so closely…the dynamics and interactions become more tense and uptight…they lose that ease/comfort/fluidity/charm. If anything…such a tense/insecure attitude is likely to drive your spouse away from you and more toward women who are more relaxed and confident. So this vigilance that you think might be helping…is hurting you. Is watching him like a hawk going to prove his faithfulness to you? It isn’t. Having trust requires “letting go”. And when you do that…you do risk heartache. BUT…sometimes if you don’t let go of something…you won’t know if what you have is worth holding on to…if that makes sense.
You’re so worried about “WHAT IF” he cheats. You’re worried about what your husband will do in the future…and when he’s away from you. And you could be using that time more constructively. Instead of fearing the future you could focus on the present…and how to strengthen your relationship when you’re with him.
