Okay, so we have an uncle coming to stay for about 6 weeks from Pakistan next month. We have a pretty busy household, the husband works long hours and I am at SAHM. Also, we live in a small town with few desis. Whenever we have guests, I always accidently insult them by not askign 5000 times if they are hungry or want something to drink, or go do the laundry for an hour or so and don’t sit with them every single second, or (god forbid) order a pizza one night a week. The worst time was when a cousin got offended because I drove him around (like I’m gonna let him drive my car!) Anyways, I am looking for some general guidance on how a fairly traditional uncle and male cousin will expect to be treated, what should I do with them, and how can I explain nicely that they can’t drive here. The husband is only taking one week off of work, so most of it will be on me. I am asking from a strictly Pakistani perspective, not an Islamic perspective, cause I already know those details.
Oops - forgot to mention that I usually continue the kids activities as normal, but cut out the playdates and such.
You are under no obligation whatsoever. Just tell them to think of this as their own home and feel free to cook, wash, do laundry and keep themselves busy for SIX effing weeks. If they were visiting for a weekend, then you might have attended them 24/7 but we are talking of 42 days!
While that may be an attractive option, it's not very practical, unless I want to make my husband furious. Any serious suggestions? I want to do this the right way, but stay sane at the same time.
Come on, seriously, like what should I do with them to keep them occupied (museums, downtown, the park, etc.), what should I feed them (we usually eat eggs and toast or cereal for breakfast, salad, soup, sandwich for lunch, desi or something else for dinner), how often do i need to offer something, etc.
I just read over your post again. If it's just an older man coming you won't be expected to do much. Desis maintain pretty strict boundaries between male and female members of the family and it might be uncomfortable for him if you are spending a lot of time showing him around and entertaining him without your husband. I would do it with your husband for a few days and then leave him to his own devices. Whenever there has been an uncle come to stay with us, he was always so busy with his own work that we hardly ever saw him. He's just get a cab and come home late.
By the way, why won't you let him drive. Because he can't drive there legally? Otherwise, I don't think he is gonna be bashing your car somewhere, I mean he is an uncle.
We had guests for 5 days and we did what FG has said in his 2nd post. Our guests were really sensible people and didn't mind that at all. We also made sure we had yellow cab and taxi numbers handy for them. My mom used to cook one dish as a regular routine and they never had any problem with that. We also made sure we have disposible plates and cups etc; if they don't want to wash their cups of tea or glasses of water, they are more then welcome to use disposible stuff all day.
Your husband and your guests need to understand that this is not pakistan where you have 10 people helping you with cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids, etc.
Also make them clear that they cannot drive your car because they are not on insurance and you will be charged. If they really want to drive they can rent a car since that will be legal, etc.
I think even the most uninformed person knows that life is a lot more hectic in the west...
In any case, when you bring them home and they ask you 'how's life', tell your whole daily schedule with a little more masala...But make sure to sound and act non-chalant and happy when you tell them your whole schedule...Don't want to make it sound as if you're telling them for the sake of 'telling' them...
I'm sure they'll understand that you can't devote much time to them...
Wouldn't it be better if he used public transport? Cabs are expensive and considering that he might want to go out everyday, I don't think that's very hospitable. I'd get a monthly pass or something for public transportation for him and explain to him how that can be used. Make it a family outing the first time so he gets the hang of it.
Well, we have no public transport where I live, and not much in the way of taxi cabs either. To be honest, there isn’t much at all to do around here, and closest big city is 2 hours away, also, he’s not such a good driver in Pakistan, and I would be pretty nervous about turning him loose here, considering that he’s never driven on this side of the road, and that my insurance probably wouldn’t cover any accident, besides the fact that someone would probably get arrested
^ everything and anything can be frozen, as my mom has proven. the idea about freezing the kebabs is not bad. just don't make 'em like every day. every three days seems nice.
also, like Sarah said, since he is an uncle, i don't think it is expected that you keep him company all the time. ask him for tea like in the morning, shaam ki chai, and maybe if they have their tea at dinner time. if you are giving the kids some icecream, if it happens to be very hot, offer the uncle some as well. and if it turns out he is diabetic, pretend to forget that, and next time there is an icecream session, offer him again.
also, i think you can just gently tell him that you can't drive here because of insurance purposes. instead, if he needs to go somewhere, tell him that whenever you are free, you would be more than happy to take him wherever he wants.
just keep tons of entertaining stuff around. (if he is that kinda uncle). you know, TV, magazines, etc.
otherwise, i think the kids maybe able to keep him enough company.
Ah the difference between desi's and FBCDs. I remember the times when even an aquaintance we met on the road couldnt go without eating at our place, or a friend who had come to see me was only allowed to leave when he had eaten. Or is it the new generation that has changed.
Hiccup, expect me in October, I will be stopping over for a week.
some desis look down upon frozen foods and sandwiches for lunch can be a big turnoff. Desis in general do not like cold meats for meals. Just make sure the first couple of meals are special...after that put them on cereals and boiled eggs. six weeks may become 6 days.
amana, what is the nature of his visit? Is this vacation? Are they scouting moving out of Pakistan? Are they looking for a rishta for his children or himself?
This will explain how busy they will be during the day and how much you will have to attend/taxi them around.
Strictly speaking from a Pakistani culture background, the women are responsible for having something to eat ready 3 times a day. Cereal is the least favorite food for people from Pakistan. Egg and toast is acceptable while a paratha would earn you some brownie points at the breakfast table. They might be willing to eat left over for lunch or diner but not both.
