I am going back home to visit my in laws and other my husband side’s family. Me hubby and our 11 month old baby live in USA and have a very comfortable private life. I am very pakistani, speak urdu, watch GEO TV but at the same time I am not a very traditional type of bahu. My point of views about a LOT of things are so different to my husband’s family. I am also very reserved and just busy in my own life and baby however all my husband’s cousins, families, sisters, brothers - they all are loud, would want to stay up all night and play/talk etc. I am very nervous and concerned because we are already traveling a long way with our baby and it’s going to be so different for her. She’s already going through stranger anxiety and teething phase and I am worried for her health, sleep patterns and overall adjustment there. She’s my focus most of the time here and it will increase even more when we go there. I make all her meals myself as she had tummy issues as a baby then her naps times, sleep times, play times..all going to change. We are going there for a month and a few of other family will be also visiting and living at our in laws with us. They are already saying we will do this, do that, have our lists of places to go/see ready etc. My concerns are will I be able to balance all of this or if I need to turn down activities or dawats or maybe staying up late - how would I go about it? How do I made small talk with all of his cousins? I am so bad at it. A lot of ppl are very judgmental in the family and I keep telling myself not to worry about everyone or worry about pleasing everyone but the more it’s getting close to our fly date the more nervous and shaky I get. I just need some advice to calm my nerves or any helpful tips for this kind of travel and stay with A LOT of family members involved.
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
Good luck, you will need it! lol! Jokes aside, your concerns are right. I would advise to spend as much time (as much as you can without staying up late etc.) as possible with the in laws and trying to cook food for them etc. to make up for their lost expectations. Yes, they are going to have ideas as to how to raise your child and all you are doing wrong etc. But its only for a month so try and be as nice as possible within the time frame that you have. Talk and laugh and joke during the hours you are usually up (you shall have jet lag in the beginning any ways) so that they will have less issues with you going to bed early etc.
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
My cousin had the same issue but don't worry cuz she came back so happy that now she wants to go back again :) don't worry you'll be fine :)
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
It depends on the extent of your future interactions with the in-laws........... if you live outside pakistan and there is minimal contact/interaction......... you don't need to worry too much........ wouldn't effect you much if they get offended..... what are they gonna do?
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
Oh my God, you watch JEW TV.... hehehe! Well that's what half of the people there have nick named GEO TV.
Most of people will like that kind of attention (I mean like me who live a sorry, lone life in west). Having said that just relax, if you are going there after a long time then people back there will probably be more excited to meet you and make you comfortable. You will get a cultural shock but that's the interesting thing you know. There may be other kids as well so your daughter may be well taken care off. Refusing to go to places, dawats will probably will not be a good idea, especially if you are going after a long time. You can discuss with your husband about any issues and let him take the decision. One month is nothing, time will fly quickly.
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
I think your anxiety regarding this trip will make you perceive everything negatively. If you go there with this attitude where you are constantly finding something offensive or problematic, people will pick up on it and get offended and hurt, and that will complicate things further. You’ve got to view this from a different perspective.
Are your inlaws mean or malicious people? Or are they just different? Are they really ALL the same? Are they really ALL that different from you? Or are you just seeing them as this unified group because of your own anxiety?
If they are nice people that want to be involved in your life, be happy about that. Their involvement may get annoying (that’s what families are for, right? 
), but don’t get annoyed until there is actually reason to. No one can force you to do something you don’t want to. Enjoy the time with them and let your child enjoy it too. It is REALLY stressful traveling from the West to Pakistan with a small child, especially if you don’t do it frequently. But things will be much easier if you are organized but open-minded, and more relaxed. Once familiar with her surroundings, your child will probably love all the attention and activity. Encourage her relationships with her extended family. Avoid taking her to shops (except maybe the larger malls that are less crowded and more like what you see in the US); visits to homes shouldn’t be problems. Know that things often start and end later there, so while you can avoid some occasions, there may be others you cannot avoid. Do what you need to do to make those occasions easier for you and your child (make sure she naps, take a stroller or something with you that she can sleep in, wear comfortable clothes and make sure she is comfortable too. Take plastic containers in which you can store extra food that you’ve made for her.
And just remember, a break in her routine (and yours) is not necessarily a bad thing. It just seems scary because the aftermath is unfamiliar and unknown. But there’s a lot of fun to be had when there are new routines and environments. And you will be able to deal with any problems if/when they happen. No need to stress beforehand.
Sit and enjoy your family’s company. If you need a break or need to do other things, just get up and do them. Say you’ll be back in a bit and take care of what you need to take care of. You’re entitled to space. No need to make a big deal of it.
There are also lots of threads in the Parenting forum about traveling to Pakistan with a small child. Those may help you, so feel free to do a search and check them out.
Re: traveling to see in laws - need advice
It is natural to be apprehensive of the unknown but once you are there those apprehensions will disappear. It usually takes a couple of weeks to adjust to the environment there. So the first half of your visit you won't like and will be complaining about a lot of things but after that you should start enjoying yourself.