For those women who lived on their own before getting married (for an extended period of time)- how did you all deal with living with the in-laws? Was it a real shock? If so, were you able to eventually get use to it? What kinds of problems did you, or are currently noticing?
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
why are most people so against inlaws jaisey inlaws nahi koi jin bhoot hu …
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
It’s not necessarily being against them, I’ve known my fiance’s family for 8 years. But, that doesn’t mean that I’m not sure what to expect going from having ultimate freedom to the desi joint family deal.
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
my cousin had the whole second floor of the house to herself, but i guess in the end the house was her mother in laws. she couldnt fully comfortably invite friends over, couldnt have her own mess around. her saas wasnt a typical desi saas but one who was modern and working. but my cousin still felt a kind of jhijhak
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
No body wants to treat their in laws as ghosts but it's our culture that installs this fear. Everyone know that you practically can't do anything at your in laws house your way. There is already a system set in place and it will not change for the new person entering the house.
Now we leave our parents house thinking that finally I am married now I can live they way I want w/o having to constantly seeking approval for any and everything and w/o fear of backlash but that is not so.
This is for both conservatives and liberals. The new person has to adjust completely , no two ways about it.
Yes if the in laws are kind/thoughtful/aware enough to know that the couple will have their own needs and will want to go about doing things their way then its a blessing.
I have notice that parents who have led happy lives tend to make good inlaws. By happy I mean, they had a good marriage, they themselves did not face any interference from their inlaws, carved out their own paths/styles, reasonably financially sound. Content parents make good inlaws.
To the OP. It is a shock if you come from a nuclear family system and used to things doing your ways. But know that adjustment and compromise are not bad things if done both ways. if only one person keeps on compromising then it becomes a sacrifice. My sister complained a lot about tiny tiny issues that she faced at her married home coz she went from a 3 person household to like fil, mil, nand etc etc and extended family popping in and out quite often.
But now they have bought their own house and the inlaws are with them in their house. Makes allllllllll the difference.
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
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yes it does. no matter how comfortble someone can try to make you feel, inlaws house is always theirs.
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
Eik aag ka darya hai aur doob k jana hai
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
Thanks for the replies everyone! I think I'm just super freaked out- I've had so many girls I know have problems with their in-laws to the point of divorce. Most of these were love marriages (as mine is) which makes me even more scared. I know I should be walking in with an open mind, but I honestly can't help having my reservations and fears.
Re: Transitioning from living on your own to living with the in-laws
my cousin had the whole second floor of the house to herself, but i guess in the end the house was her mother in laws. she couldnt fully comfortably invite friends over, couldnt have her own mess around. her saas wasnt a typical desi saas but one who was modern and working. but my cousin still felt a kind of jhijhak
Rosedreams- I'll have somewhat of a similar situation where I'll have a separate floor to myself (bathroom, room, living area included). So I guess it could be worse. I honestly don't have a problem with the joint-living deal; I've always wanted to be in a big family. I'm just scared I'll be asked to do all the cooking, etc. and take on the typical bahu role. I've been pretty open (to my fiance) in regards to how I'll be continuing with school, and working and therefore I won't have any time to take on the usually duties. My mom has also been pretty open to my in-laws about how I am (barely cook etc.) and they don't seem to have a problem with it. But...there's always that fear of things going horribly.