Training a baby on his attitude ..

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Ok, i know most people believe babies cant be trained .. but frankly i have seen and experienced personally that babies can be taught to some extent if not perfection , its all about giving time to them .. but right now , I am in a fix and I need some thoughtful solution to my issue.

Baby is 9 months old MA , he’s starting to show a very stubborn side of him , like he wants to run after a wire , I move him away a few times, distract him with something else , but he keeps going at it , infinitely .. ( just one example )

similarly , while having milk, he wants the bottle to suck on the teat , I want him to drink the milk or else let the bottle go , he will start throwing serious tantrums wanting me to let him do what he likes ..

How do I deal with these situations in the best possible manner so that stubborness doesnt develop in his personality + he starts responding to authority?

He already knows when he’s being desciplined , he gives a naughty smirk and tries to escape ..

PS : I raised this issue at the nursery and majority started hauling me with answers like oh he’s only a baby etc .. but frankly, he is developing his personality at this time and I am supposed to be helping him gear towards the right traits , therefore age doesnt matter right now, the kind of dealing I give him + his environment will shape him .. I have trained him to so many other things much ahead of his time , for example walking , putting his hand on his mouth when he is about to sneeze ! etc … even potty training to some extent .. eating food properly etc .. he responds well on some things , others he doesnt , which i dont push much .. but this stubborness factor is very dreadful to me and I need to tackle this knowing his extremely naughty nature ..

So please please please help me find the right attitude to deal with this problem , much appreciated :slight_smile:

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

I need answers for this too. To a major extent though I really do believe that distraction is best. And I fear too much discipline might subdue my baby at this tender stage. I believe consistency abt most things is important, but baby proofing as much as you can is important too. Then again, your baby does a lot more than mine, so I am looking to you for advice.

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you know my mom did one thing that has helped me tremendously with my son.. she drew boundaries with him.. if there was something that he wasnt allowed to touch, she told him that it was baba’s or mama’s and not Ali’s.. I dont know how long she did it but I swear it worked.. now if there is anything around the house that doesnt look like a toy, he knows exactly that its not his and he can ask for permission to touch it and be prepared to take no for an answer.. it ranges from mama baba’s glass of water to toothpaste to phone chargers etc! I love that.

he has his tantrums, like yesterday he wanted cereal before he finished his milk in cup so I told him clearly that he wasnt going to get any until he finished it.. he cried, he told me he loved me, he even stormed out of the kitchen but i told him that he had a choice, finish your milk and get the cereal or just forget about it.. it went on for 15 mins (I swear I wanted to give up like 10 times) but after that he left the kitchen, sat in the living room, finished his milk and came back for cereal!

key is consistency and patience.. and self discipline. if you know what you are doing, they would know it.. if you have any doubts, they will catch that too.. they are just too smart!

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

That is an awesome thing your mom is doing GTG , thanks so much for sharing , I will certainly start doing that from now .. and its one of those good tricks that will ensure he learns boundaries ..

Now the thing that has confused me, this morning a lady at the nursery suggested introducing punishment to the baby .. like if he goes into the wires despite being stopped a few times and then starts throwing a tantrum , then put him in the cot for a few minutes as a way of punishment ..

I feel it might help but i am scared that, he might start hating his cot all together :bummer:

What do you ladies suggest? how is best to reprimand a baby in a strategic manner?

Also right now , if i use the world NO to anything that he is doing , he will do it even more ! I am trying to get through to him but dont know how best to do that without putting fear in his mind ..

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

CB here is something I read up on and I really believe now.

When we punish a baby this young, or put him in a cot, or any form of distress or tension, we are activating that part of his brain which creates alarm and the signal for panic. Like any muscle, if we overactivate that, it will overdevelop. At the expense of something else which will underdevelop. And the child grows up to be an anxious panicked individual who scares easy. Our job is to distract. And I loved GTG’s mom’s idea too, I do agree on implementing that by just repeating over and over that this is not yours, THIS is yours.

Beyond that, consistency and an insane amount of patience is the key. They don’t have very long memories yet, their brains are primitive and the world is too large for them to focus on “no”. They get too excited and curious. So distraction is best, and an understanding of where THEY are coming from. Where THEY are coming from, it’s “wow I did this” when they create any sort of change in their environment, destructive or innocuous. We are mothers are to recognize that and by repeating no for dangerous things, we are to slowly embed into their subconscious what they shouldn’t touch, rather than expect them to remember. Cos believe me, they cannot remember at this point.

These however are my views. Every mom is different. Please keep sharing.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

I distract him. And I do NOT show a reaction to crazy things he does, cos as I said, when I show a reaction, he goes “WOW mama does THAT when I do this!! Let’s do it again, THAT was fun!”

THEY LOVE A REACTION! It empowers them that something THEY did caused a change in the world around them!

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^agree. Also I don’t know if a kid that young understands punishment.. I started time out with ali around 1 and it kind of backfired because he would do something wrong and go stand against the wall.. He knew that’s what I will tell him and he was okay with it.. I stopped time outs .. I started distracted him .. That’s all you can do with a young kid. By 20 months or so, you can reason with them and have a “talk” until then whatever we say us in one, out the other ear.. At least with my child and I don’t have experience with other kids so I m not sure how it works. So yeah if your kid is anything like mine, he probably wont hate the cot but he will just match over after doing something wrong because that’s the reaction you want after he has acted.
Don’t try to train him too much.. My husband often tells me not to “bug” his son as in I shall not stop him from everything. I pick my battles now but I think he understands mech more now than he did at 9 months and knows a bit about consequences.. Not much, just a lil. They are always a work in progress so take it easy. He is not a robot and he will not become one.. Let him explore, learn and keep doing your best.

Re touching wires situation.. Tell him he is not supposed to touch it and only mama n baba can then move him from there, give him a toy explaining he can play with it.. Or put him in your lap and draw something in a paper, let him scribble, read a book, song a poem, tell him to clap, stomp his feet, turn around while you are doing all this with him.. He will forget about touching wires.. Do it ten times if you have to.. Keep him busy, if he wants to crawl or walk towards wires, give him something else to focus on, throw a ball and tell him to get it.. Hope this helps.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

^ ignore my typos. I m on phone and it has it’s own mind.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

Or the child can become “immune” to the over disciplining over time? For example some children are so used to being yelled at that they don’t even care after some point.
What a tough problem to tackle though. I do agree that over disciplining can go either way, a scared child or an even more stubborn child.
Good luck with this ladies. I’ll be taking pointers :).

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

i will agree with your nursery-teacher advice. instead of worrying about things like this at his age, focus on yourself and becoming more easy going and flexible because as an adult, you are capable of changing. the bottom line is, he IS a baby, and a very young one. if you’re already stressing over these things, you will guaranteed be certifiable by the time he hits 2. a 9 months old is CURIOUS, and curiosity is a great trait for a child to have. your job right now is to indulge his curiosity in a safe way. if he goes after a wire, how about telling him what it is and picking it up and showing it to him, rather than saying no? and if its not safe for him, then you need to hide the wire first, or distract him. distraction is key. what gtg’s mom did is great but her kid was also older than 9 months. trying to discipline a kid this young is going to frustrate you to no end, as it is doing now, and achieve very little. constantly saying no to him will do more harm than letting him explore, with you by his side. HE is your job right now, not the laundry or cooking or housework- don’t be in such a rush to have him grow up. you will miss these days when he is older. for now, spend time with him and explore with him. slowing down with your kids is a fantastic thing- it forces you to alter your perspective, take a deep breath, and look at things from his point of view.

“Consistency and an insane amount of patience is the key. They don’t have very long memories yet, their brains are primitive and the world is too large for them to focus on “no”. They get too excited and curious. So distraction is best, and an understanding of where THEY are coming from. Where THEY are coming from, it’s “wow I did this” when they create any sort of change in their environment, destructive or innocuous. We are mothers are to recognize that and by repeating no for dangerous things, we are to slowly embed into their subconscious what they shouldn’t touch, rather than expect them to remember. Cos believe me, they cannot remember at this point.”
THIS. exactly. well said demi.

“similarly , while having milk, he wants the bottle to suck on the teat , I want him to drink the milk or else let the bottle go , he will start throwing serious tantrums wanting me to let him do what he likes ..”
but why? why do you want him to drink the milk or let the bottle go? why can’t he just hold on to it? because you’re in a rush to wash the bottle, or what reason? because it annoys you? why?

i do think your expectations are off at the moment, and i think your fears are unfounded at the moment. i think you need to really learn to relax and let your kid be a kid. he’s very young, he doesn’t get it, and he won’t. i don’t know which obedient 9 month old babies you are observing, but you’ve been blessed with a son who seems to be a bright, curious, active, engaging, strong personality. why would you want to repress these qualities in him? for the sake of him sitting quietly in a corner? maybe the other kids you’re observing are naturally more laid back, but whatever it is, don’t compare. it isn’t fair to your son. the number one thing you should remember about parenting is that every kid is different and a challenge in his or her own way, and YOU have to manage YOUR expectations rather than forcing them on to him. he’s got a personality already- you would be amazed at the preferences he’ll show you in food, music, toys, etc., but its your job to discover his personality, bring out the best in him, and teach him how to manage being the person he’s going to become. so bring yourself to his level and do things with him that will engage him and teach him. don’t worry about discipline right now.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

I agree with SGC here.
CB…you also need to keep in mind that young kids are very curious and inquisitive and that is a good thing.Baby proofing around the house is very important and you need to make sure he doesn’t touch the wires or anything that can be hazardous…that is a part of their growing up.
I am all for disciplining and I have been told by others that I have a well mannered child,so it means I must have done something right…but I have learned to ‘pick my battles’…if my 1 year old is touching the DVD player or something electronic,I will distract them or tell them to stop…if she is making confetti out of a box of tissues,chances are I will be fine with it.I will just vacuum it later.No big deal.
Table manners are important.But there have been times when I have been ok with her eating her food with her hands when cutlery was right there.The more I said NO NO NO,the more she thought it is something she had to do.By no means she is a junglee who messes or wastes food.Kids learn what you tell them,you cannot program them.
I used to cringe at the sight of her jumping in a mud puddle in her new jeans or her jumping in the sand pit at the park in new sneakers.But I just let her do it and tell her its not a good idea to do it unless you are wearing rain shoes or sandals etc…she gets it.But she is older too now so it makes sense.
When she was younger I never removed knick knacks from around the house, though I baby proofed as much as possible.She touched things,she was curious,she was told to put them back or not touch them…she learned.Point is,they will always want to explore new things and a parent can not stop that.A parent can gear that curiosity in the right direction though.
As Demense said the more reaction they get,the more they engage in things…ignore it (if it is not hazardous) or distract the kid…this worked for me and actually it took me some time to learn this and keep my cool and not freak out every single time she did something I did not approve of.

Time outs work.But they did not work for us.My daughter thought it was a fun activity.Maybe I didn’t know how to do it but we just weren’t able to.

All I will say is that he is young and I understand you feel that he needs to be taught certain things,but you also have to let him be a curious 9 month old.Their curiosity is important for them…they have to learn and explore things.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

My 17 month old has developed intolerable behaviour while I was in hospital for delivery… he wants to be put tosleep by walking .. I mean he wants my husband to walk walk n walk while he falls asleep on his shoulder n if we dont do as he wishes he just screams his head off… he literally goes wild screaming.. I dont understand what to do :frowning: I cant carry him coz of c-section n my husband has been getting cramps in his shoulders coz of carryingmy son for hours… any advice on how to rid of this problem

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Any advice on how to deal with this?

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

How about you both lay down with him and tell him that he can lay down with you but you guys won’t be picking him up. Stay consistent, he is going to cry but if you give in he will think he can do it every time.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

Set boundaries… What is acceptable and what isn’t. Stay consistent and baby proof your house. Also if it is something that dangerous for child and can not be removed, make sure your no has a very firm sound and facial expression, along with that no, you pick the child and remove him from that space to his toy area. After removing in simple words give reason for that no, even if your child is as young as 9 months old.

Last but not least baby proof your house.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

You just had another baby- of course he wants to be held before sleeping! From his perspective- you - the center of his world- disappear for a few days suddenly to have a baby, then you come home and there’s someone else taking up all your time and attention. He’s a little kid and it’s a lot of change for him to handle all at once. I like lusi’s suggestion of both of you putting him
to bed together. You need to reassure him he still has his mummy and daddy both. Also try to spend some one on onetime with him if you can, or ask your hubby to. And be patient! Theres going to be a lot of adjusting and figuring out your new normal.

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Re: Training a baby on his attitude ..

Thanx lusi & SGC… I’ve been giving him extra attention so that he doesn’t feel left out.. my husband avoids cuddling the new born while the elder one is around… he has settled alot but he still is stubborn especially when I try to feed him (he just wants a bottle of milk whenever he is hungry)