if someone buys you something small (eg/ something you mentioned wanting a while ago but never got around to getting, or they bring your favorite drink/dessert etc…w/e)…how does it make you feel? and what do you end up thinking about that person?
I see this advice given throughout the forum and I know it has its roots in religion… that giving a gift will soften person and it’s a good gesture (which I agree it is)…but does it really work? if you have an argument with someone, will a gift fix that, or help make a relationship stronger?
it may not "fix" the problem but it does pave the way towards reconciliation by showing that you care about the person......
consider it a peace offering.
if someone buys you something small (eg/ something you mentioned wanting a while ago but never got around to getting, or they bring your favorite drink/dessert etc....w/e)...how does it make you feel? and what do you end up thinking about that person?
Depends who the person in question is, i.e: random stranger, possible acquaintance, someone you'd have the hiccups for. In any case, except the 1st one, I'd be overwhelmingly pleased.
it may not "fix" the problem but it does pave the way towards reconciliation by showing that you care about the person......
consider it a peace offering.
and what if the person rebuffs the offer saying that they never asked for it and shouldn't thank anyone for anything?
Depends who the person in question is, i.e: random stranger, possible acquaintance, someone you'd have the hiccups for. In any case, except the 1st one, I'd be overwhelmingly pleased.
A friend/sibling/etc, someone you're having a fight with.
As a guy if another guy gets me a gift as a peace offering I am thinking how badly did he screw up and how long can I ride this out? :D Most guys don't give gifts or peace offerings. At least not in my social circle. What we do is simple. We fight and we are normal the next day.
However with women it does differ. If a female friend is really pissed off with me and I did majorly screw up then yes a peace offering is of need it goes a long way to show you care and you understand and you are going out of your way to make it up to them. So yes it does soften you up.
If the person is a friend and rebuffs it, you have to gauge the circumstances of the disagreement and assess whether they are being difficult or they are right to reject the offering.
If its a random gifit given without any agenda....then I think it's nice. But it doesn't make me think of the person any more than I would've thought of them without the gift.
However, if there was an argument and someone (including my fiance) buys me something in the hopes that it will make me forgive them or make the "issue" go away (ie. a agenda behind the gift).....then I get really irritated. In that case, I see it as them trying to "buy" me instead of talking with me or giving me some time/space to "get over" it.
The gesture does offer an amicable settlement/peace opportunity, and if the issue hasn't caused much grief, I think I'd be inclined to create peace and accept the reconcliatory effort/gesture being made. But I also realize, two minds seldom think alike and hence in the end the receiver ought to do what they deem is best for their interests.
Speaking of a current example, there is this exceptional case of someone who simply is adamant enough not to forgive, regardless of how hard or long the efforts have been. So again, there are exceptional cases. However, since the religious thought has been added. Allah swt asks us to forgive when we have the power to take revenge or/and the ability to forgive. He's most happy with those that do.
it is a heart softening gesture. And should be taken in good faith. But if the person rather turns down the gift or shows rudeness or stuff maybe you need to beware of them.
I think its the gesture rather than the gift itself which makes a difference. Especially if its something expensive to make you think theyre trying to buy you off.
I think its the gesture rather than the gift itself which makes a difference. Especially if its something expensive to make you think theyre trying to buy you off.
ah yes....expensive is a whole other agenda altogether :p Initially I was talking about small, inexpensive things....that show more the thought behind the gift, of going through the effort to pick out something and bring it.
it's a good gesture (which I agree it is)...but does it really work? if you have an argument with someone, will a gift fix that, or help make a relationship stronger?
Does it come with a guarantee that it will work and make a relationship stronger? Nope...and many things don't have a guarantee. It's just a gesture that can increase your chances or possibly help the situation. If it doesn't improve then it can't make it worse....UNLESS.....the giver expects a gift in return or perhaps the receiver has some issues with the gift (doesn't like it, or feels insecure about it, etc).
The purpose of a gift is that it shows consideration...that's the bottom line. And consideration can be shown in OTHER ways besides buying the person something. You can give them a helping hand or a genuine compliment.
if someone buys you something small (eg/ something you mentioned wanting a while ago but never got around to getting, or they bring your favorite drink/dessert etc....w/e)...how does it make you feel? and what do you end up thinking about that person?
I see this advice given throughout the forum and I know it has its roots in religion.... that giving a gift will soften person and it's a good gesture (which I agree it is)...but does it really work? if you have an argument with someone, will a gift fix that, or help make a relationship stronger?
whenever I received gift, I usually praise and thank to person, and let him/her know that it is much needed thing in my to do list.
basically, i try to memorize my thank to person so he/she could feel good and remember me next time. :@: