So i have these two very good friends. Male and a Female. Both of them were in relationship until 3 months ago. Now, their relationship didn’t end up working out. So my friend lets call him Taufeeq is getting married to someone else and found right girl for him.
Now, my friend Sonia is torn apart and telling me not to attend his wedding. Taufeeq wants me to be his best man for the wedding. Yesterday, i was having coffee with Sonia and she was tearing up and asking me not to attend his wedding because he left her because of this new girl. (I know it is twisted and confusing).
Both of them are very good friends of mine. Their relationship didn’t end up working out because this was their mutual decision to go separate ways.
I personally told both of them that i will be friends with both of themand will not pick and choose who to go with. But this woman is being very emotional. What else do i tell her???
Re: Torn between two friends...
If she was a good friend of your she should understand your postion and will not be so imposing.
You are under no obligation to oblige and give in to her rants. You have all the rights to enjoy wedding of your good friend. You were not the reason for this breakup then why should you be punished ?
Ask her to make a list of top ten reasons for you not to attend your good friends wedding.
Re: Torn between two friends...
if she is your good friend she should make* you do what is good for you i.e. attend the wedding. a friend who wants to mess your friendship with another is not a friend at all.
i suggest no matter what she says be the best man
Re: Torn between two friends...
Ask Sonia how she would feel if she was the one getting married and wanted you there but Taufeeq was against the idea of you attending her wedding?
She is being unfair asking you not to go to Taufeeqs wedding for her own personal reasons. She is the one that has beef with Taufeeq and not you!
Re: Torn between two friends…
Yep, makes sense. :k:
Re: Torn between two friends...
If she was a good friend of your she should understand your postion and will not be so imposing. You are under no obligation to oblige and give in to her rants. You have all the rights to enjoy wedding of your good friend. You were not the reason for this breakup then why should you be punished ? Ask her to make a list of top ten reasons for you not to attend your good friends wedding.
Agree..
Re: Torn between two friends...
Well no matter what, i will be going to a wedding and remain his friend for sure. So i texted her right now and stated that i will be going to his wedding and this should have no impact on your break up with him.
And she texted back saying, fine. O yes also, the girl he is getting married to..is her used to be close friend of hers. Women..women!!
Re: Torn between two friends...
ooooo now it makes sense.
Re: Torn between two friends…
Re: Torn between two friends...
Xtron if you are asking for an advice regarding from a woman's perspective, well women do tend to act this hyper and sensitive, especially after break ups and when the other one is the first one to move on too. If you compare women to men, they are rather more prone to have emotional perceptions. Your friend's ego is hurt and maybe she is already insecure after her break up so it wasnt really something untoward to stop you from attending the guy's wedding. I personally believe, if i were in your place, i would have listened to the girl, because, the guy is already moving on, masha Allah and for the best, is the girl who is not able to get over it as yet.
Re: Torn between two friends...
Well no matter what, i will be going to a wedding and remain his friend for sure. So i texted her right now and stated that i will be going to his wedding and this should have no impact on your break up with him. And she texted back saying, fine. O yes also, the girl he is getting married to..is her used to be close friend of hers. Women..women!!
Does she wants you to attend her wedding ?
Re: Torn between two friends...
^ the way she said fine, i doubt if she even wants to see him anymore, lol.
Re: Torn between two friends...
You should take her as your date.
Re: Torn between two friends...
You tell her EXACTLY the key points that you told us...but do it gently.
1) Tell her that while you understand she's feeling hurt and you will support her in the process of moving on.....but she NEEDS to REMEMBER that the decision to breakup was a mutual one. Emphasize mutual. And make the point that emotionally supporting her does not require that you take actions that would hurt others and destroy your relationship with them.
2) Tell her that going to Taufeeq's wedding does not mean that you side with him over her. It is simply a shirkat in his happiness.
3) Bring religion into it. Tell her that you're going to attend his wedding not only because you're his friend...but because as a fellow Muslim brother it's the right thing to do...that it's recommended to attend weddings/valimas etc.
4) Tell her that if it had been her wedding....that you would also attend it. Ask her "How would you feel if Taufeeq pressured me to not attend YOUR wedding. Do you think that's mature or fair?"
It's basically her ego talking. The decision to split was mutual. It just bugs her that he "moved on" from the relationship........while SHE hasn't found herself a guy to marry. I think that's the main source of contention here. A mutual decision means that she TOO must not have felt the relationship was all that compatible. Had SHE been the one to get married first.......she wouldn't be feeling this way (I think). And she might be comparing herself to the girl that Taufeeq now believes is the "one" for him.....this comparing could also be fueling the problem. Maybe these points can be brough up with her. They may piss her off or get her to analyze what's TRULY going on with her.
Re: Torn between two friends...
Redvelvet used good words. Do NOT choose between friends. After the wedding is over, ask the girl for a coffee or something and chat normally. This will tell her that you still are her friend and intend to continue that.
Re: Torn between two friends...
Well no matter what, i will be going to a wedding and remain his friend for sure. So i texted her right now and stated that i will be going to his wedding and this should have no impact on your break up with him. And she texted back saying, fine. O yes also, the girl he is getting married to..is her used to be close friend of hers. Women..women!!
women only eh? sigh. Her ex and her best friend? I feel for her actually.
Anyhow, she is being upset/emotional and maybe even slightly stubborn asking you to side her. But I think once she gets out of this phase, she will realize herself that was a stupid thing to ask for.
My suggestion would be to do what you feel is right and if you feel like going to the guy's wedding is what you feel is the right thing to do, then just let her know that honestly. As for her and your friendship, thats no guarantee. It can go either way. I like red velvet's suggestion that you should tell her you just want to be part of your friend's happiness.
Re: Torn between two friends...
I personally believe, if i were in your place, i would have listened to the girl, because, the guy is already moving on, masha Allah and for the best, is the girl who is not able to get over it as yet.
Well she is only good friend of mine and so as him. And as Taufeeq's friend i understand why he moved on and there were some legimate reasons why he is getting married to Sonia's ex-bestfriend. Now, i think siding with either of them would make me in a awkward position.
Re: Torn between two friends...
You tell her EXACTLY the key points that you told us...but do it gently.
1) Tell her that while you understand she's feeling hurt and you will support her in the process of moving on.....but she NEEDS to REMEMBER that the decision to breakup was a mutual one. Emphasize mutual. And make the point that emotionally supporting her does not require that you take actions that would hurt others and destroy your relationship with them.
2) Tell her that going to Taufeeq's wedding does not mean that you side with him over her. It is simply a shirkat in his happiness.
3) Bring religion into it. Tell her that you're going to attend his wedding not only because you're his friend...but because as a fellow Muslim brother it's the right thing to do...that it's recommended to attend weddings/valimas etc.
4) Tell her that if it had been her wedding....that you would also attend it. Ask her "How would you feel if Taufeeq pressured me to not attend YOUR wedding. Do you think that's mature or fair?"
It's basically her ego talking. The decision to split was mutual. It just bugs her that he "moved on" from the relationship........while SHE hasn't found herself a guy to marry. I think that's the main source of contention here. A mutual decision means that she TOO must not have felt the relationship was all that compatible. Had SHE been the one to get married first.......she wouldn't be feeling this way (I think). And she might be comparing herself to the girl that Taufeeq now believes is the "one" for him.....this comparing could also be fueling the problem. Maybe these points can be brough up with her. They may piss her off or get her to analyze what's TRULY going on with her.
I think the point you raised is very well considered. I would like to pay tribute of respect to the opinions you have mentioned. Thanks velvet!
Re: Torn between two friends...
women only eh? sigh. Her ex and her best friend? I feel for her actually.
Anyhow, she is being upset/emotional and maybe even slightly stubborn asking you to side her. But I think once she gets out of this phase, she will realize herself that was a stupid thing to ask for.
My suggestion would be to do what you feel is right and if you feel like going to the guy's wedding is what you feel is the right thing to do, then just let her know that honestly. As for her and your friendship, thats no guarantee. It can go either way. I like red velvet's suggestion that you should tell her you just want to be part of your friend's happiness.
Well she feels she was being back-stabbed by her bestfriend. And i KNEW sonia's bestfriend liked Taufeeq for sure. What i didn't that she would REAllY go off marry him. That came as a bit surprise for everybody. But whatever is meant to be happens. Thanks Queen for your suggestion. Starbucks Cinnamon Chai Zindabad!