I dont post much on this forum but about a year ago i posted my situation of how i was engaged to a guy two years ago (i always loved the idea of him cuz he’s super cute…we used to talk..he said he likes me too at the time…both sets of parents were happy so i said yes to it). however four months after the engagment, it broke off because although i loved the idea of him… i didnt like what he did to me or how he made me feel a lot of times i felt like crap (a lot of his cousins were saying horrible stuff about me and he would flirt with girls he called his frnds, and he’d say disrespectful things as jokes and his excuse is cuz he grew up in the US)..since i was miserable i broke it off…my parents were shocked, his parents were not happy with the decision and he kept saying that of course he wants this engagement and i’m the one who broke it off and whatever he did and said was a joke.
Anyway…the whole post break-up experience was so traumatizing for me…i didnt wana face friends and family and i just felt miserable (because i had been in love with him and he broke my heart)…plus the public embarrasment and disappointed parents.
then four months ago, he contacts me again and starts talking to me…about he’d like to try it again and how his mom really wants him to marry me…i said no but uhm i still talk to him cuz i’m in love with the idea of him. so now we’ve agreed that we’re friends…but i never really initiate anything anymore..he’ll send me a text or two every few days about he misses me or that we should hang out as friends (i obviously say no because thats dumb to do)
Fast forward to today…my parents have recieved another rishta…this guy is great in every aspect except for the fact that he’s not that cute…i’d say a 5 outa 10…thats the only problem..but religion, family, education wise he’s fine alhamdullilah. and actually i’m shocked that they even asked and i feel blessed.
But i’m still in love with the idea of this other guy…like secretly i’m hoping that when he finds out…he’ll try to stop me. i wont stop obviously because i’m not making another scene outa my life but omg i always wished we’d make a happy couple! i’m annoyed at the fact that i’m still secretly wishing to be with him..thats so wrong. ugh how dreams break. anyway feel free to tell me if i’m being stupid or how to get over these feelings
i’m gona commit to the new rishta but i will surely miss my first love (even though he broke my heart )
I was dreading reading your post because I thought you may say you’re thinking of going back to him…thumbs up for being sane! :k:
I think it’s pretty normal that you think of this other guy who you were engaged to - afterall you were set to marry him and you probably had your life planned out in your head with this guy for some time. Imo, you will forget all about him soon, so I wouldn’t fret over it.
And you wouldn’t want to be stuck with a good looking guy who has a new girl friend every day of the week.
If you worry he is a flirt then the rest of your life you will be worried about who he's flirting with, go with the seedha ok looking guy as atleats you will be more secure in your feelings.. but only marry him if you feel there is a chance of attraction and you don't feel physically repulsed.. .In Islam, looks are important as if you are attracted to your spouse, it stops your eyes from straying and committing sin..
:k: Well Said. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut honestly, how many of us would settle for someone we don’t find attractive?!
Very Well Said.
Alot of people take it as going for attraction/looks is being too demanding but its not! A couple is suppose to feel attractive towards each other and for some people that attraction comes with good looks and for some it may come with other things.
Looks are important but to some extent. They shouldnt be a deal breaker in my opinion. the main thing is how you gel with the other person, how respectful he is of you and others around him and how caring he is. Stop talking to the other guy and move on. you are not worth it. Get to know this new person if you can and then make the decision.
May I be honest? You are secretly wishing to be with some one who resorts to lame excuses and is still a kid. That nullifies every bit of the 10/10 or whatever score you are assigning him.
Furthermore, be proud of making the smart decision you did make in face of all the hai-hais and stupidity that desi culture is so full of.
All of you guys are very right. thank you for your honest opinions and advice. of course all that makes sense to me...i do know better than to let myself go down any path with this old guy...but aah the temptation...and thats the problem and the inner fight.
shahreyar you're right...of course no one can change the way i think except myself but sometimes hearing it from other ppl helps me get motivated to make the right decision.
princessjojo..you're right..he IS A KID! he's the same age as i am..which is 24. he was 22 two yrs back but yeah he can be pretty immature, selfish, and inconsiderate.
sara---i loved the idea of being with him. everyone admired him, he's cute and he gave me a bit of attention so i was like omg this is it. i secretly crushed on him for a long time.
anyway...this new guy..our family knows their family pretty well..and i've never heard anything weird abt him..his fbook's pretty clean too and nothing fishy...obviously i dont talk to him much. yeah i'm not attracted to him physically a hundred percent...but i'm thinking maybe if i get to know him and he turns out to be a nice person i think i can come to love him. cuz looks without a lovable personality is a complete turn off...
Cuteness will come as you get to know him. Really. Trust me. And you will see his beauty when others do not. And that is always better -- that it is camouflaged. Otherwise, you will be worrying about other women all the time.
Initial attraction is what brings you together, it's love, understanding and a great personality that keep you together and give you great memories along the way...
The cute guy may be cute, but he doesn't seem to have what it takes to keep you happy and give you a long and fulfilling marriage...
If you feel this other guy can give you way more than the first, give him a chance...
a lot of times i felt like crap (a lot of his cousins were saying horrible stuff about me and he would flirt with girls he called his frnds, and he’d say disrespectful things as jokes and his excuse is cuz he grew up in the US)..since i was miserable i broke it off…my parents were shocked, his parents were not happy with the decision and he kept saying that of course he wants this engagement and i’m the one who broke it off and whatever he did and said was a joke.
