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Lifestyle Relationships
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:smilestar: you can check another thread “marriage stories”, you will find some arrange ones too and they are mashaAllah successful.

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You're right...punish is a strong word. I just couldn't think of another one.

I would give myself until I was at a point where I could forgive but not forget. If I can find it in my heart to wish them well in life but not want to be a part of their life...I am over them. That's my definition though...not everyone is the same.

Someone else may help. Usually we do a lot of comparing...which you just did. You clicked with your ex but not with this girl. It doesn't matter anymore what happened with your ex...its about this new girl. Are you attracted to her? Do you like her? Can you see yourself with her? The past is better as just that...the past.

I hope this makes sense.

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well why did you breakup? do you think if you talk to her and get some closure, it might help you move on?
Don't marry unless your mind is completely free.

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The initial experiences of love/attraction have a deep impact on one's simple and innocent mind, that is exploring the feelings of the heart. But as time passes, one realizes that reality is a lot bitter than what a teenager imagines.

The past always looks beautiful because we mostly forget the bitterness and cherish the sweetness in a relationship. If not, then why didn't it work out if that love was so true/real ?! The heart works as it is trained. You keep following the temptation of recalling her, the heart keeps missing her. It is better to convince the heart that if she were that lovable, then why did she leave and never bothered to look back, even once, even though all these years your sincere [love + time] for her deserved a bit of attention/thank even if she didn't want to continue with you ?! Keep praying to Allah (swt) to clear your heart from her remembrance before & during this new life.

Almost all of our role models and religious ideals had an arranged marriage with women they had least information about, except that they were known for their piousness + decency (like in your case). The divorce rates among them were negligible. They explored their love and understanding after marriage, not the bolly/holly way. Their major concern was not lust/money/status/common hobbies/looks/physique/height/age...etc. but their sincere wish was for the love of the creator (a pious practicing spouse obedient to Allah), hence the creator blessed their hearts with mutual attraction and barakah in relationships. It would be an insult to those souls if their relationship is compared to the examples of romeo juliet, laila majnoo'n...etc. even though there is nothing wrong in love marriage if it is within the limits of one's faith.

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nah one day the past girl will be a dull memory

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Its only been a few MONTHS since the relationship with the ex-gf ended. In my humble opinion, its too early to make a decision on marriage right now....especially since you'r not over the ex.

I had a horrible break-up years ago and it was at least a year before I could even think of my ex without ending up in tears. I gave myself time to get over the situation....to deal with the sadness, anger, and resentment that came with the break-up BEFORE I even considered dating again. And I know being a girl....if my husband or even BF told me that another girl was occupying his mind (and heart).....it would crush me. Whether it's a love or arranged marriage....if your heart/mind is not 100% committed to the person you're marrying....that's not a positive beginning.

Not sure how old you are but is there any "rush" for you to get married or engaged right now? Are you able to wait a few more months before making that committment?

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You're not over your ex? What if she comes back and wants to try again whilst you're engaged to the new girl?

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Looks like you had gone far enough with your Ex and therefore aint able to get her out of your mind. The best now, is to sit alone and decide for yourself. If you think you cannot give this new girl a healthy chance to come into your life and win you (which she will, common sense tells) then stay out of this arranged marriage. Dont hurry to jump into something you are already confused about and marriage is the least of all to be entered into with a per-conceptual or confused mind. Maybe you need some more time to get over your pat.

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Man up. Seriously.

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hey...they are all basically teh same..........after marriage that is........... for one reason or the other....it might work out.......

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I reiterate my standing view on this - marriage is marriage. Arranged or love, Allah puts love in the hearts of those bound in a Nikah.

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^agree with the poster above.

You don't know this new girl well enough. Love isnt about 'clicking with someone'. It is about just being there with someone through their ups and downs. Once you start to live with your spouse, he/she will have a better understanding of you as a person and you two will be facing similar things in life, together so the 'clicking' part will come. Just make sure she is a loyal person who sticks by you..and you will fall in love with her sooner or later.

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If you feel like your ex has such hold on you that your feelings for her will get in the way of you giving your all(emotinally) to the new girl...then....don't marry her. Save her the trouble.

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I broke up with ex girlfriend after 6 years of relationship. The fact is that i do understand your pain. I tend to run away from commitment and remember all good times i've had with her. Wish her all the best in life..but above all..don't use new girl to get you out of this misery. Take your time and focus on things that you couldn't achieve. Insha'allah everything is going to awesome someday buddy!. And also make friends with the new girl you met.

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a very valid question