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For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel
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People never refer to you as “The crazy one in the family”
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On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction
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Don’t want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad’s exact location
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Play your cards right and in 10 years you’ll be torturing the Iraqi people
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Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close
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Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather
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Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors
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You can get first pick of the police auction’s seized and repossessed camels
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Get to call Bin Laden “Uncle Osama”
-from David Letterman-