Top 100 reasons why it is great to be a guy

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
1

From Maxim.

  1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
  3. You know stuff about tanks
  4. A five-day vacation requires one suitcase
  5. Monday night football
  6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex life
  7. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter
  8. You can open all your own jars.
  9. Old friends don’t give a crap whether you’ve lost or gained weight
  10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
  11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
  12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
  13. All your orgasms are real.
  14. A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
  15. Guys in hockey masks son’t attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards)
  16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around every where you go.
  17. You understand why Stripes is funny
  18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
  19. Your last name stays put.
  20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
  21. When your work is vriticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
  22. You can kill your own food.
  23. The garage is all yours.
  24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
  26. Nobody secretly wonders wether you swallow.
  27. You never have to clean the toilet.
  28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
  29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
  30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
  33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
  34. You never have to shave below the neck.
  35. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
  36. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
  37. If you’re 34 and single, nobody every notices.
  38. You can write your name in the snow.
  39. You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
  40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
  41. Chocolate is just another snack.
  42. You can be president. (In this lifetime)
  43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
  44. Flowers fix everything.
  45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
  46. You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
  47. You can wear a white shirt to the water park.
  48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
  49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
  50. You can say anything (‘Wow, do my balls hurt!’) and not worry what people will think.
  51. Foreplay is optional.
  52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
  53. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk into the room.
  54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
  55. you don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader’s coming by.
  56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
  57. Car mechanics tell you the truth
  58. You don’t give a rat’s ass if anyone notices your new haircut.
  59. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking ‘he must be mad at me’
  60. The world is your urinal
  61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
  62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
  64. One mood, all the time!
  65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too skeevy
  67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer.
  68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what your wearing.
  69. Same work… more pay.
  70. Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
  71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
  72. Wedding dress: $2000, tux rental: $75
  73. You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind your back.
  74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the world’s population in 15 tries, at least in theroy.
  75. You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
  76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
  77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
  78. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
  79. ESPN’s Sport Center
  80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
  81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
  82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
  83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
  84. You needn’t pretend you’re ‘freshening up’ to go to the bathroom.
  85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your other friend that ‘he’s changed’
  86. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
  87. You can rationalize any behavious with the handy phrase ‘kcuf it’
  88. If another guy shows up at the party with the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
  89. Pricess Di’s death was just another obituary.
  90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
  92. you think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
  93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
  94. New shoes don’t blister, cur, and mangle your feet.
  95. nrop movies are designed with your mind in mind.
  96. You never have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
  97. Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
  98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with ‘So… notice anything different?’
  99. Baywatch.
  100. There is always a game on somewhere.
2

:rotfl: right on :k:

3

u bet - every single line is true....