going on these days from some brides to be and brides that I know personally. Its kind of frustrating to see this happening…I mean yeah its acknowledged that getting married is stressful but why do some brides put so much emphasis on being selfish about the whole process. I mean there seems to be no consideration for parents/siblings feelings about the whole process…I have seen girls ridicule their siblings/family over trivial matters just for the sake of one day. This is not how it should be…I remember when my khala and other aunties were getting married a few years back, things were different these ladies actually got the love/respect from family members on their big day.
These days I notice that most of them don’t seem to give a toss about hurting family member’s feelings…
please share your experiences…also, please be aware of hurting other’s feelings if your a bride to be!
it may just be a retaliation to a culture and past of not being able to have a say on anything to do with **your **wedding. some brides might just go too much the other way without realising.
yeh, where on this site have u read about brides hurting their family and being demanding? i dont recall reading anything like that.
Please read my original post again and then tell me what prompted you to ask if I related the topic to reading anything on this site? I'm talking about being a witness to such events and through discussions with friends we realised that this is happening a lot in our society.
well i think there are extremes in every situation, but extreme is also a relative word. give me an example of what you think is selfish, zarra.
i mean, girls from our generation (i’m guessing in this case, 20-30 year olds) are generally raised to be more outspoken, more involved, and more opinionated these days, compared to 30-40 years ago, i.e. our parents generation. this is not a bad thing, IMHO.
i do think, however, if girls aren’t mature enough, they shouldn’t be getting married. its not iike playing house - you’re actually going to be in the house with your husband and possibly your inlaws. and that starts from the day you agree to the marriage. you don’t get to play ignorant of “their taste” once that baat pakki has happened. if their taste in clothing and jewellery is really such a big thing for you, then maybe you need to think about it harder. i know i used to laugh when mom would say stuff like this, but boy, i recognize the wisdom now! for some people, its a big, big deal and it leads to situations where feelings are hurt and you’re unhappy cos you know the bari you get will be seen by everyone and you’ll actually have to wear it but you hate it and ohmygawd you’re so upset. i think we all know someone who’s been in that situation and has had a really hard time letting go of it.
basically, its one thing to respond if your inlaws don’t treat you well and fully expect you to be their ghar ki maasi more than their DIL and all that (by all means set them straight; thats not what you were raised to be and you deserve more respect than that), but its another to be mature enough to recognize that maybe ill treatment is not their intention when your MIL to be wants you to wear her wedding set on your wedding that maybe isn’t your taste or the colour you had imagined. there are always ways to find a compromise where everyone walks away happy, and if not happy, at least can’t grumble about it later!
''.......also, please be aware of hurting other's feelings if your a bride to be! ''
Zarra8 it sounds like you've been hurt by a bride to be.
I think what you are referring to is very rare to the extent that you describe it.
Brides are more outspoken now than before and they want their special day day to be.......well SPECIAL! Yes you are right that they shouldn't hurt others feeling in the process.
"things were different these ladies actually got the love/respect from family members on their big day''
I COMPLETELY disagree with your implication that brides don't get the love/respect from family members on their big day, thats an absolutely ridiculous thing to say!!! Which bride doesn't get love on her wedding day?? By the sounds of it, you won't be respecting/loving whichever bride has hurt you... :s
''.......also, please be aware of hurting other's feelings if your a bride to be! ''
Zarra8 it sounds like you've been hurt by a bride to be.
I think what you are referring to is very rare to the extent that you describe it.
Brides are more outspoken now than before and they want their special day day to be.......well SPECIAL! Yes you are right that they shouldn't hurt others feeling in the process.
"things were different these ladies actually got the love/respect from family members on their big day''
I COMPLETELY disagree with your implication that brides don't get the love/respect from family members on their big day, thats an absolutely ridiculous thing to say!!!
Try talking to the brides relatives who have been yelled at for minor things like arriving late for shopping, or generally used as scape goats when things went wrong. In another case a bride reduced her mother to tears on the mehndi night for allowing guests to be served before she arrived......her friends were late and she chose to wait 2 hours for them! The guests included some elderly diabetic patients and pregnant women. The mother was under a lot of pressure from all sides......bechari confided in my aunt that she felt bitter/angry at her daughter with the way she behaved.
Which bride doesn't get love on her wedding day?? By the sounds of it, you won't be respecting/loving whichever bride has hurt you... :s
I said I was a WITNESS and not VICTIM of these things.
