To the parents/moms of two..

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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And more children:

  1. When did your seccond one come?
  2. What were the mistakes you think gave you hard time around the first baby (since it is said usually that first tme parenting is more difficult) but helped you second time around; your good/ bad experiences?
  3. Collectively, what were the things/factors you think helped you with the second baby?

I would be in.the situation soon so any insights will be realy helpful.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

My second was born when my first was 2.5 years old.
I was much more confident and relaxed with my 2nd baby in the first couple of weeks. I guess because I knew how to do everything already. Changing diapers, nursing, soothing.
I also knew why he was crying and could fix it right away. I wasn’t clueless at all. i actually enjoyed the first few months lol. Now with the 3rd baby it’ll be a different story … I’m so nervous. My 2nd will only be 18 months old :hayaa:

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

wendy, ur expecting MA’?

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

My second one came when my oldest was 15 months.

I knew what to do in terms of sleep pattern/tummy aches/fever etc, but what I didn’t know how physically draining it would be for me, but once you are in it, everything kinda falls in its place despite being so tired/sleep deprived.

Now after having my 3rd child with a 3 year gap between the middle one mash-Allah!! I am a pro at it alhamdulilah, while doing school runs for the older one, cooking/cleaning, diaper changes, potty training, laundry etc, everything gets done almost each day. I do get very tired but it doesn’t seem that hard anymore. I can’t believe I just said that. haha :hehe:

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

^ this was such a positive and energysing read!

Yeah I guess it somehow becomes easier cause you do know a.pattern atleast. You have your own footsteps that you can follow, inprovise and improve. I.understand newborns arent that much a fuss as toddlers are (except for colic etc and their sleep routine which may not match yours and the other kids basically). I dont really.think anyone or even I for myself can recall and count.the ‘mistakes’ made our first time around. There are basically no mistakes. Its just that we are unexperienced and anxious. Experience makes it better. Still, if I did make any mistake t.was NOT trusting others and myself for the baby. I feel you need to trust. Trust your capabilities of being able to be a good and caring.mother and trust the people around ou who are willing to.help.you.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

congratz wendy..

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

Aww congrats wendy… my 2nd one came wen the elder one was 17 months. .. now the 2nd one is 3 months MashAllah .. I was just getting used to motherhood wen I conceived my 2nd son so it was easy with the second baby.. handling a toddler and an infant is exhausting. . Wasn’t prepared for this…

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

Mubarak ho with you pregnancy. May you have a healthy baby, insha Allah and enjoy the time with you children as it’s over before you realize it and then they’re teenagers :bummer:, no just kidding, even as they are teenagers now I’m still enjoying the time with my children.

Anyway, there is about two years difference between mine. My daughter came first and she was an easy baby. By the time I was pregnant again I thought I now knew everything about babies, but my son had very different reactions and habits. So I was partly learning caring for a baby again even though he was my second baby! Still the experience with my first one did help in many areas, such as fever. When my son caught fever, I knew exactly what to do since my daughter had had it too when she was a baby. And I recognised cramps by now. So instead of panicking about what is happening to my baby, by the time my son was born I knew how to recognise and handle these issues.

When you have a second baby, you already do know many aspects of caring for babies, but you can’t know it all since there can be big differences in the way each one reacts to foods and other things such as how they like to play or sleep. It’s interesting to see the differences and similarities and watch your children develop.

I was tired a lot as most mothers are in this situation, but it was fun too. Sometimes I actually miss my children as babies. My son is masha Allah taller than me now and it still seems like yesterday when he was just so small that he fit in my arms and I could hug him and protect him from the cold. Amazing how fast time goes by. Even though it is exhausting, do try to enjoy your babies and toddlers as much as you can, insha Allah.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

I am wondering about the same things! my son will be 4.5 when the 2nd one comes..

mommies of two or more, please also mention how your first ones felt having divided attention after the second addition…jealous at all? and how’d you cope?

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My elder one was 3 when #2 made his way to the world and he is turning 4 in 2 months mA. Time flies. Honestly I don’t remember much anymore lol but it was definitely easier with 2nd one.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

alishaht, your first one would have to get used to sharing the attention now with a sibling, but you can make it easier by explaining there will be a new baby and how that baby would need the help of the sibling to fit in this world and learn stuff.

After you have your baby, you tend to be busy with your baby more, because the baby needs more care (feeding every 2-3 hours, etc.). Try to let your 4 year old help so he becomes a part of it. If you bathe your baby, ask your older child to pass you the shampoo or the towel for example.

Spend as much time alone with your older child as you can get so he will realise he still is an important part of your life too. Go buy an ice cream together or watch a tv show or take him to the park for example.

Insha Allah your children will get used to each other quickly and support each other.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

In my experience the baby didn’t need as much attention as my older one. All they do is eat, poop, sleep, repeat. I made sure to spend more time with my older kid to make her feel like not much had changed. Last thing I wanted was for her to feel left out and jealous of the new baby.
Even while feeding the baby I would talk to my daughter and make her feel like she was still the center of attention. I bought a swing so I didn’t have to hold the baby all the time and he was sleeping for longer periods of time which gave me more time to spend with my older one.
I actually followed advice from some ladies on GS, Khawateen to be specific, she told me to focus on the older child more as the baby doesn’t need the same kind of attention she does.
I made her help me during diaper changes and she could hold the baby a couple of times a day. That made her feel like the baby was hers as much as ours and the jealousy phase was over in no time.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

My biggest concern :frowning:
**

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

I think with the first you stress about every little thing, overthink every piece of advice and news story you get, try to prepare for 100s of different possibilities. By the second or third, I think most of us wait until there’s an actual issue before worrying too much.

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

You may enjoy this: Ilana Wiles: Newborns Are a Piece of Cake (Knock on Wood)

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

^ LOL loved this article. This is exactly what I am dealing with right now!

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

I think to prepare the older child for the new baby starts during pregnancy.. let them know a baby brother/sister will be joining them soon inshaAllah, get their help to pick out clothes, crib, swing etc as in anything that you need for the baby.. yes even toddlers can do it, mine does- after I give him a choice of couple of things to ask which one should we get for the baby.. read books about the new baby, get them excited, if you have friends with babies, let your toddler/older kid spend sometime with them (supervise obviously) and once the baby is here, keep the older child involved as much as possible.

My toddler will be getting a gift from the baby when he visits us at the hospital and will also take a present for the baby that I will wrap before the delivery,hopefully, and we will let him open the gift for the baby too. :smiley:

The plan is to keep him involved with the baby as much as possible, getting the diapers, helping pick clothes for the day etc etc.. and last but not least at least once a week special bonding time with mommy, once a week bonding time with daddy, and occasionally with both mom and dad minus the baby.. these could be anything from going out for ice cream, trip to library or play ground, and last but not least just going out for a walk or something, point being individual attention just for the older kid.

A wise woman once said to me, toddlers/older kids have emotions, babies dont.. that’s the key!

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Re: To the parents/moms of two..

**Question to the mom’s of two or more. **Toddlers need to be watched every second. I have a very curious and active 15 month old and I can’t let her out of my sight for a millisecond.

What do you do when you have a toddler running away from you getting into stuff or touching things they aren’t supposed to but at the same moment you have to tend to your new born? What if you have to nurse your baby…what do you do with the toddler? What if the toddler and newborn both are crying at the top of their lungs at the same time?

I guess it is hard to imagine it right now because I only have one. I’m thinking about trying for another but my daughter is a high needs baby and requires a LOT of constant attention.