To the Guys: Question

Lifestyle Relationships
1

When your mom says something negative about your spouse, what do you say or do?

What kinds of questions/comments do you entertain from your parents regarding your spouse and where do you draw the line?

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Re: To the Guys: Question

i once heard a mother telling her son in law to buy kafan for himselfbecause she won't buy him one...he was an unemployed live-in son-in-law [ghar jawaayiiN] :(

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Re: To the Guys: Question

:rotfl: good for him…

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I am not married yet, i just came here to read comments. :blush:

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Re: To the Guys: Question

Sometimes (not always) parents say negative things about the spouse because you were the first to complain about him/her and you did it often enough.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I don't see it as negative or positive......i see it if its true or not..... it doesn't make me fair if i shun all negative comments and start shooting my family members over it....... there might very well be something negative...which needs to be worked on...... and vice versa....

i dont' get why you women always have this need of unconditional allegiance......be it the mother or the wife.....

may be goray need to come up with some sort of emotion reducing vaccine or soemthing...sheesh

7

Re: To the Guys: Question

novocaine for the heart...pill form would be better.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

Does kafan mean coffin :/ Was the ghar jawaayein working at all? Did the mother in law give him a budget? What if he wanted to have gold plated kafan with skull and dagger painted images..like pirates theme? If you're going to purchase your own coffin might as well make it stylish. How did the conversation arise? Sounds ominous. Was it because he wasn't doing his tasks properly and he burnt the father in law's shirt he was meant to iron?

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I'd want to look at both sides and neither would I be ok with my wife saying offensive things about my mother or my mother doing the same to my wife. Constructive criticism said in a loving way for someone's benefit is one thing but abusive words is another. That I won't accept. Not married yet but so far my parents get along with my future spouse. Even though they are in some ways conservative and she has been engaged before. Our friendship is older than her marriage and my parents have known her for a long time so they know her.

If my mom was to say something negative and non constructive about my wife I would tell her that me and the wife are a team. If you say something negative that way about her you are also hurting me and our team. I would remind her of her positive qualities. Then I would say parent's blessings are important for a marriage to go well and I hope she would see past whatever the issue is from our point of view and continue giving us her blessings. Also, my parents will live with my older brother after marriage and stay occasionally at my place so it won't be a joint setup.

I draw the line at hurtful criticism, offensive comments about her past and unnecessary meddling over small issues. Luckily, nothing of the sort has happened. Only issue that arose was her past when she was younger she had been married to this guy who was not right for her. I told my parents that I did not want to discuss her past and they know i've been friends with her since before she got married. They worried what people would think. I told them if I don't mind then why should they. Isn't it better that I like someone I am compatible with then a picture perfect rishta? Life is messy. It's not black and white. They understood and I had rejected plenty of the conservative rishtas they had sent for me because of incompatibility. They were happy I had finally accepted someone.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I would ignore it or say to mom to keep it cool if it starts creating problems.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

If I think it's not true or it's offensive I'll ask them to stop.. I'm not going to think it's ok or ignore just because they're my parents..

My mum did it in the past.. I think if I'd kept quiet and carried on letting it happen she'd still be doing it today..

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Re: To the Guys: Question

Omg what if the single girls on GS read this. We're going to be back on the drawing board with that whole deal about why don't the divorced ppl stick to their (diseased) kind.
Before someone misreads and starts bashing me, the word in the paranthesis is sarcastic.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I think i must be the rebellious kind who does not follow the rules. I might be considered a bad example. :) I don't get the whole same people stick to the same type of people concept. If there is a single Pakistani boy and girl at the party just because they're Pakistani and of same age doesn't mean they'd make a good match. Similarly just because 2 people went through the traumatic event of divorce does not mean they'll bond better than someone who hasn't. It's like saying someone who experienced a similar natural disaster would always bond better than someone who hasn't. Sometimes opposites attract and it's good to be with someone who hasn't been through all that. It's all about matching more on the inside than outside.

As for people considering them "diseased" surely a divorced person is less "diseased" than someone who has had past non-marital relationships or number of rishta related interactions. At least they married and had a commitment compared to the person who just had the relationship. So why should a single married person, who has had involved interactions with opposite gender, feel superior to someone who is divorced/widowed?

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Re: To the Guys: Question

I told both my wife and mother that if they have any problems with each other that they should tell me and I will try my best to sort it all. I often remind them not to talk bad about each other and that it hurts me dearly. I also remind them of the hadith that if someone backbites then it is like they are eating the flesh of their brother or sister. So far things are good, I wish to keep it that way.

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Re: To the Guys: Question

^ That's actually a good approach

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Re: To the Guys: Question

Good to know its working, however my hubby told me and his mother that if you two have any problems with each other then you two should handle it at your own, neither of you should come to me with complaints. (lol). I say, this helped both of us to learn about each other's behavior because I knew hubby is not gonna support my negativity and because she knew her son will not entertain her such negative gossips, too.

Remember, negative comments and genuine problems are entirely different!!

I believe one tends to bharkana her husband/son when she actually knows he's gonna take some action. When there is no one to support you at your bharkanay wali baaten... then the wife/mother would certainly stop sharing her dil ki bharaas!!

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Re: To the Guys: Question

^good point queen! If the person says he's not going to listen to negative gossip then so much drama can be avoided lol. My husband realized this much later on, but better late than never. :).

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Re: To the Guys: Question

^:hehe: its never too late!

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Re: To the Guys: Question

What about the cases where either one of them is more aggressive while the other one just takes it. There's gonna be a big blow up with that one if there's no mediator. And also this approach of "don't bring me into it" only works if both the mil and dil are not laraka doees.