I don’t think ANY individual (specially In Pakistan) can claim to have never faced such matter even once in his life while dealing with people around him, as very few people are able to maintain the best balance (close to perfection). I am talking of people whom life has assigned any “responsibility”.
No matter if you are a boss, a director, a teacher, a mother, a principle, a doctor, a head clerk, a captain, an elder brother, a shop owner, an employer or in any such situation where you have to perform your duty interms of making sure that the people whom you are going to adress should fullfil their duty.
This question does hit the mind of most individuals when anyone has to emphasise on the issue and is afraid that the person whom he is going to assign that task might show carelessness if he is not warned with firm words.
Question which comes to mind:
“Should I follow my human nature of being polite and caring or should I force myself to create a strict impression, because if I am like honey most of the people would eat me (take wrong advantage of my leniency) and if I am strict I might have to be a bit rude in extreme cases and as a result, I might end up hurting anyone’s feelings of self respect”
So, which ever performer you are on the stage of this world, how do you deal with people who are your responsibility ?
excellent thread STP.
we all talk. at times clearly and at others not to clearly. i think that politeness can be balanced with a firmness in your speech which is directed to someone or something.
you obviously will see the need to address something.
and many a times in life, being direct and straight in speaking is in itself necessary to uphold your values and be able to reasonable express your concerns and worries.
politeness can go together with that particular kind of firmness - in tone of voice and words or sentences that may capture the emphasis on a specific issue.
true, that balance is not always easy. nor are people trainable in this, until they are in a situation where they have to be polite but at the same time clear and firm.
a good conversant will know how to utilize non verbal cues of the listener, in order to prevent any feelings from getting hurt.
which is why being face to face is the only effective way problems can be solved in this context.
I think, I learned a lot by some bestseller books.....such as:
How to win friends & influence people, Dale Carnegie
Sun Tzu, The art of war.
A guidance to NLP
Levinas, totality and immortality (local language)
The richest man in Babylon. (dealing with ppl)
You cant win all hearts...or satisfy all, its not possible. Yet by kindness and a soft tone of voice, you can get most people to do exactly that is need of at work. They will go extra miles....be democratic leader. Ask them, how would they like to plan the day with you? Who wants to do what and when?
Every person is asked to write down by the hour, what they plan to do for the day. Then they get the excellent habit of MANAGING time much better, than getting stressed or whining....for no reason.
Like, if I have to leave, I tell them what Im upto and how they can reach me. If it staff from "out side", I make sure they land properly and a good handshake along with a smile.....I welcome them our ward/work/place.....Show them around, and let them have a coffee or anything they prefer. Connecting and then I write the tasks down, I expect them to do during their shift.
Often, I can tell if that person should not come again. I then call the temp-team agency and let them know......its also about chemistry..or lack of flexibility that can get me. But I never let them know, as long as they are present.
People love if you remember their name and ask them firstly...how is your day? What can we do better together?
And then again, either you got it or you dont as leader. I dont avoid conflicts, I can ask them to come to office and have an open talk......things may stir up, but it leaves space of change...I can be wrong too....learn sumding new.....
STP, ive noticed frm ur posts, you think way too deeply...
I know, but can't help it. People say I am over sensitive, but is not in my control.
@ Dushwari sister and Pathani sister, I think I should take a print out of your comments, and have a look at them frequently. JazakAllah kahir for sharing your views.
**Question : **What would you say about the following saying of Lt. General Chibbar.( One of the most successful General of Indian Army)
" As a leader you must know WHO among your juniors need a pat at his back, and who among them needs a kick at his back "
Do you think one's behaviour should vary alot depending on the personality of the individual one is dealing with ?
I know, but can't help it. People say I am over sensitive, but is not in my control.
Do you think one's behaviour should vary alot depending on the personality of the individual one is dealing with ?
it's agood habit , a person who thinks deeply is much on the safer side then the others :)
when i was younger i never thought personality should be considered in such dealings , but now with time and age i have realised that it matters alot .
example.. being polite with a discourteous person is just a waste of time , his attitude may never change , whereas being polite with a caring person changes everything
I know, but can't help it. People say I am over sensitive, but is not in my control.
@ Dushwari sister and Pathani sister, I think I should take a print out of your comments, and have a look at them frequently. JazakAllah kahir for sharing your views.
**Question : **What would you say about the following saying of Lt. General Chibbar.( One of the most successful General of Indian Army)
" As a leader you must know WHO among your juniors need a pat at his back, and who among them needs a kick at his back "
Do you think one's behaviour should vary alot depending on the personality of the individual one is dealing with ?
You are welcome, brother. Dont mention.....
No, I believe it depends on the task. Some are planned in good time and others need urgent or tough calls right there, right now..... Have same approach in your being. Dont be moody or swing too much. That makes people insecure. To listen is actually what most leaders/teamleaders kinda dont do..... Its their loss, because workers have a lot of qualified reasoned ways of doing things. Time saver....
You cant have chemistry with all. I dont like people who whines or complains too often. I ask them if they thought of what the solution/diff approach should be? In our country, we have 3 months of "trial" period. Then you get permanent job. So its about using that period wisely......:D
I have to look at this in terms of training dogs...I've always had them as part of the family. Some are responsive to polite treatment, others need a 2-by-4 to teach them wrong from right. People are much the same. While I personally prefer the polite, "catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" approach, it just does not work in all cases. So sometimes you gotta get out that 2 by 4 and have a go.
Macchiavelli said it is far better to be feared than to be loved.
If those below you perceive you as weak or soft, they don't respect you which leads to neither love nor fear.
Whereas, if you are strict with your employees, then when you do show the occasional glimmer of "niceness" or toss them the occasional reward, they are much more grateful.
Macchiavelli said it is far better to be feared than to be loved.
If those below you perceive you as weak or soft, they don't respect you which leads to neither love nor fear.
Whereas, if you are strict with your employees, then when you do show the occasional glimmer of "niceness" or toss them the occasional reward, they are much more grateful.
I think thats an old way of thinking.
Employees who fear you, wont contribute with extraordinary efforts, resources or get the job done in good time. You have to force them into results and getting things done. So you end up as Boss with extra headache.
You can be well mannered as boss, but also show you dont hesitate to "cut" through when its called for. Positive feed back generates stronger and persistent working skills amongst employees. Its about getting every dime to work fully and constructively FOR you, not AGAINST you.
Strictness may result in more sick-days. Thats a costly affair. And if there is too much of hiring new staff constantly, then its the MAJOR sign of a leader/board of being disfunctional and simply not worthy of its job. Minimize stress, dont add to it. Now a days, good employees are hard to get. The time you spent on intro and getting the best out of them, is a huge investment of time on its on. Involve employees as much as you can, and you will get the cherry on the top. Research tells us, democratic form of leadership and involving employees in the decision taking proces until a limit, shows better result at long run and lesser days of "being sick".