To segregate or not?

[suroor_ca02]

Re: To segregate or not?

sorry.. i didnt mean to say u have called names. was just refering to other previous post. i agree with the comprimise part.

i seriously believe all the other goras n gora wannabes should learn a thing or two from u. :-)

[lazy_daisy]

Re: To segregate or not?

@suroor_ca02

i seriously believe all the other goras n gora wannabes should learn a thing or two from u.

Yeah…thank God for Minah

[suroor_ca02]

Re: To segregate or not?

on this forum that is. laizy u shud learn something too. :p

[lazy_daisy]

Re: To segregate or not?

should she learn one thing or two?

and can I learn em from Minah?

[Chel_Chabila_Babu]

Re: To segregate or not?

it depends on how it is in ur family, if it’s always been mixed then you’re better off putting your MIL on her tod in a seperate room but if the custom in your family is to have segregation then that is best.

women in my family do pardah, more because of our culture than religion and i’d feel uncomfortable with them eating with cousins let alone outside men related only by marriage… yesterday my aunts in laws came round and she phoned my mom to help her in the kitchen with the dinner but i said “no” and said that my mom will do the cooking at home and i’ll bring it round, my aunt was upset but i said they’re your in-laws that doesn’t mean that your sister-in-laws not do purdah from their whole tribe.

[Fayz]

Re: To segregate or not?

@PyariRani

Here is a scenerio: You are having your relatives over for dinner. Your MIL doesn’t like to sit with the men but your relatives prefer sitting together. What do you do? Do you segregate them keeping your MIL’s comfort in mind even though you don’t necessarily agree with her or do you keep it open and up to the guests to choose where they want to sit?

Divide the drawing room in two sections..Call it a mix section and zanana only section…Use a nala (rope) and tie it from a sofa on one end to lamp on the other end. Put old shalwarain and kameezain on the nala rope as if you are drying them. People can choose the section which suits them the best.

[Meem]

Re: To segregate or not?

Ansoon > You're right that they aren't wrong because they're trying to follow what they believe in and that we shouldn't be disrespecting elders. I know the easiest thing to do in this situation would be to seat the men and women in separate rooms out of respect for my in-laws.

Minah_pa > It definitely helps when the guests realize that they can't always get their way and there should be a compromise but that isn't always the case...I already mentioned the kind of demands some people make regarding segregation...

Chel Chabila Babu > It isn't always segregated...My in-laws don't mind sitting together with some family friends, usually the ones they have known for a long time. I guess that's why it bothers me because I don't understand why things have to be segregated when my family comes over

Fayz > :D

[ashtray]

Re: To segregate or not?

Is your MIL visiting or lives permanently with you?

[Naughty_by_Nature]

Re: To segregate or not?

in terms of your mother in law...just leave things to chance...is it essential for her to meet your guests?...the way it seems is that she only feels comfortable interacting with certain people...those who she knows and is comfortable with and these include both men and women since you said segregation isnt a principle...its just a preference when in suits her...the issue is less to do with who is a man or a woman but just that she likes to meet certain people regardless of gender and doesnt care to meet others...segregation really doesnt seem to be her issue...familiarity is...so invite your guests over...if she wants to know them she'll stay and if she doesnt then she can do her own thing...is it really that important for her to know your friends?

In regards to wedding functions...respect the fact that religiously weddings are supposed to be segregated...yes its inconvenient cos you invariably cant check out any of the attractive talent...but Islam commands that our weddings be segregated...so respect that if you are going to someones wedding it is their right to make decisions on THEIR wedding...they shouldnt have to compromise their belief to satisfy their friends or guests...You are the guest so respect the terms of the host...

And in the same way if you are the host it is your perogative to do as you please...is it more important to you to have everyone come or is it more important to have the wedding the way you like...you have a diverse set of guests and keeping everyone happy is an impossible task...when i get married...i have friends who wont come if the wedding isnt segregated as it is haram...and i also have friends who probably wont enjoy a non alcohol segregated wedding without a dancefloor...weddings are always difficult process...you cant keep everyone happy...

[nia_khan]

Re: To segregate or not?

@Pinstripe Danda

Put your MIL in the backyard and have fun at the get together

I agree with danda

Its your house and your rules.

[Sara516]

Re: To segregate or not?

@PyariRani

Chel Chabila Babu > It isn’t always segregated…My in-laws don’t mind sitting together with some family friends, usually the ones they have known for a long time. I guess that’s why it bothers me because I don’t understand why things have to be segregated when my family comes over

Ok what??? Now that’s not an issue of segregation, it seems your MIL is being stupid. I dont’ care if she’s a crusty old aunty, if my MIL didnt’ want to sit with my family but she sat with other na-mehram men, I would be VERY insulted! How does your husband feel about this?

That’s just messed up yo.

[Meem]

Re: To segregate or not?

Sara516 > That's why I have a problem with it...My husband says that his parents prefer segregation but they're used to sitting with some families together because that's what they did before they got religious so they continue to do that with them...

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: To segregate or not?

you should look at for ur mother-in-laws comfort. afterall she is ur MIL. your relatives will always be there and they will always love u (for the most part) because they are ur blood. besides they may even respect u more for ur decision..just tell em..i have to do it for the MIL..they will understand. ALSO it will make ur MIL happy.

[minah_pa]

Re: To segregate or not?

Angel... a MIL shold also make an effort, don't you agree?

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: To segregate or not?

@minah_pa

Angel… a MIL shold also make an effort, don’t you agree?

make an effort for what? change her religious beliefs? no i dont think she should when it comes 2 her beliefs…even if they are her new found beliefs. how difficult is it to separate men from women for just a few hrs? it’s not like she is asking her to do something major.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: To segregate or not?

let me tell u girls a secret....do the lil things that my make her hubby and in laws happy...and do what u want when it comes to the big things.

[Sara516]

Re: To segregate or not?

@AnGeL EyEs

make an effort for what? change her religious beliefs? no i dont think she should when it comes 2 her beliefs…even if they are her new found beliefs. how difficult is it to separate men from women for just a few hrs? it’s not like she is asking her to do something major.

absolute BS… they’re not gonna be changing their beliefs, they’re just being very rude and unpleasant to deal with. It would be a whole separate issue if they discontinued sitting in mixed company all together, but since PR said that they still do that with old friends, it changes from respecting religious beliefs to dealing with childishness and stubbornness.

This si the messed up thing about desis: not to mock segregation, but isnt it more important to make your family feel comfortable? As far as I’m concerned, they are their family since their children are linked together by marriage. By not sitting with her family and sitting with others is a deliberate insult to their daughter in law.

[Muslim_Queen]

Re: To segregate or not?

@PyariRani

Here is a scenerio: You are having your relatives over for dinner. Your MIL doesn’t like to sit with the men but your relatives prefer sitting together. What do you do? Do you segregate them keeping your MIL’s comfort in mind even though you don’t necessarily agree with her or do you keep it open and up to the guests to choose where they want to sit?

Well you can talk to your MIL and inform her it would be very hard to seperate the men and women.

Other option, you can serve dinner in the same room, have two different tables for both parties.

Or you can sit families together.

To disrespect the wishes of either side would be a bad idea. Think of something that will work for everyone . And Im sure its possible to reach a middle ground.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: To segregate or not?

@Sara516

absolute BS… they’re not gonna be changing their beliefs, they’re just being very rude and unpleasant to deal with. It would be a whole separate issue if they discontinued sitting in mixed company all together, but since PR said that they still do that with old friends, it changes from respecting religious beliefs to dealing with childishness and stubbornness.

This si the messed up thing about desis: not to mock segregation, but isnt it more important to make your family feel comfortable? As far as I’m concerned, they are their family since their children are linked together by marriage. By not sitting with her family and sitting with others is a deliberate insult to their daughter in law.

but u dont know her…u dont know her intentions…so how can u say that

[Sara516]

Re: To segregate or not?

Well this is based on what PyariRani has said so far. But whatever the intentions are, the actions are still very wrong. Again, if she's being so religious, then stop sitting with na-mehram men altogether, don't insult your daughter in law and her family.