we know that getting praise generally feels great now tell me how much praise you get from your inlaws and other close relatives. i am not including the “husbands” because they usually do that
lets say you are very good looking, well educated can manage your household and working life very well. but no one appreciate you not even a single praise you get. do you have the feeling … like… “hello give me some credit”?
or you are at a party looking your best and unknown people tell you how beautiful you look but not a single word of tareef from your inlaws or your cousins even though you praise them. i dont know i have experienced that alot and i feel this is like a new trend to stay mum about appreciating someone. not that i care but this attitude is turning me to be conscious about how much and what to talk to others. i become less talkative and hold myself about complimenting others. It is like I am changing myself because of others…is this wrong?
Lol thats very common with Inlaws. They wouldnt mostly appreciate since they are afraid what if the DIL/SIL's dimagh gets kharab. And sometimes they are too egoistic to acknowledge the plus points of their DIL/SIL. Not all the inlaws are like that, but it is kinda conventional to be mindful of keeping the bahu in her place and majority follows the conventions.
Be thankful you're not Chinese. They put their kids down on purpose so that they won't get snatched away by jealous spirits and stuff.
Mad that is completely different a case anyway. My mom used to be like this. SUPER STRICT and CRITICAL of us. Well thats something else because it was with some other intentions, to shape us into better human beings. But if you are put down on purpose,(only to kill your self esteem and out of malice) thats something else.
But, coming back to the OP, even if someone/people are treating you out of malice or jealousy (yes that does happen too) that shouldnt affect you much. That should rather boost your self esteem because if others (majority, outside the INLAWS family) do appreciate and praise, that means the problem is not yours, its somewhere else, lol.
My mom held that belief when I was growing up. Now that I’m older…she’s become a bit more generous with praise,
@OP: I think it’s human nature to have the desire for validation. As for your cousins and in-laws…sometimes there’s greater competition within the family.
Perhaps it’s just a personality thing (some people praise more than others) and not a personal issue. Not praising you is not as bad as them criticizing you, finding faults, acting like meethi churis. I think that’s a bigger issue to deal with. Enjoy their silence, it could be worse.
If you know you look nice then why are you bothered?
You don't need to be told you're pretty by everyone around you in order to feel that way. As long as the most important people appreciate you (your husband, family, etc) its not a big deal.
Trust me, random people most of the time do tareef for sake of it, its like they just wanna say something but they don't know what to say so they decide to say something nice about you even though its not even true.
Been there, done that! You musn't read too into it.
Sometimes its nice to care what other people think. Desi women put too much emphasis on what the in laws think or say. When in reality they should be saying "screw them". The only ones who truly matter are my husband and kids. The in laws can suck it if they aren't happy with what I do or how I raise my kids.
