To help a friend monetarily

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Also, since the language barrier is hindering his employment opportunities....if that's like the root of the problem....could your uncle help him out with that?

22

Re: To help a friend monetarily

He would be all for it, except the man works like a machine. Last time my uncle set him up with classes, he went to a few of them and then my uncle came back and told him about a FEW good jobs and he asked "should i keep taking the classes and pass over these jobs that will help me pay the expenses for the next 3 months?" Of course my uncle said take the jobs. I mean we're not talking about some guy set in his ways here - he has been flexible.

23

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Also, I might add, I think he's going through a cycle of poverty where situations that you or might consider bad (like parking ticket) could be catastrophic for him. So its a question of quick money now versus long term earnings potential.

24

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Well, some compromises and adjustments would have to be made then. For example, he can sign up for one class at a time. What about tutoring services at his home....if possible. That might be more convenient. Surely, his wife could help out as well. Even if it's a job at a local desi market or something....or even sewing to make a bit of money.

25

Re: To help a friend monetarily

I really believe that the man would be all for it - but thats for my uncle to work on. I mean we do care for him and his well being but this is not looking good.

26

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Then talk to your uncle about it. It can't hurt, right? And it would be an attempt at tackling the problem from the root.

27

Re: To help a friend monetarily

True, I'll also have to tell him about this ticket then. Thanks this has been helpful. I hope that he will be ok. Some people just can't catch a break.

28

Re: To help a friend monetarily

You should help him out. Be a big man, maybe one day you are going to need him :)

If i was in your boots, even it was my some next block neighbor i would help him out whatever is possible for me.

29

Re: To help a friend monetarily

1) Just to make sure....his father is already dead and buried right? He's not wanting to go to Pakistan to attend the funeral is he?

2) The issue isn't whether or not your and your family considered the cash a "loan" when you gave it to him. I'm assuming that this happened (his accident/you giving him cash) years or months ago. The issue is that HE himself has not given you back a single dollar. I've been in situations in the past where friends (even my own family) had given me money. They made it clear that they weren't "expecting" it back. But out of self-respect and dignity, I INSISTED and always paid back the money as soon as possible.

3) Despite having a wife and a child, if this man has chosen not to have a steady job and has no savings....then this is not the last "emergency" he will have. So if you help him out this time....based on what you wrote about his currently family situation....it's pretty much guaranteed that he WILL ask you for "help" in the future. The question is....where do YOU draw the line?

4) You wrote that you have no clue what his income is OR what his spending habits are. So you're not sure that this man isn't spending money on "crap" and running to you when he needs $. A big "red flag" in my opinion. All you have is his "word" that he has been unble to earn enough money or work on savings.

5) How has this man ever "helped" you? He worked for you/your uncles....and you paid him for his services. I work for my company and they pay me....I'm not "helping" my company...I'm a paid employee.

Putting all emotions aside....using logic only....I see no reason for you to spend more money on this man. Giving him money (or spending money to buy him a ticket) doesn't benefit him OR his wife OR his child. Yes the trip sounds all great from an EMOTIONAL point of view.....but do you really want to continue making decisions regarding YOUR hard earned money based on emotions? As you stated before, there are familes who are much worse off....and who would be willing to learn how to EARN their money instead of asking for it. Wouldn't you rather spend the money sending someone to school or to some sort of certification program that will help them get a career so they can earn the money to support themselves and their family?

30

Re: To help a friend monetarily

I don't know Firenze, thats pretty calculating. I am kinda sensitive to the fact that we helped in the past while he was working with us. I really hope that this turns out well.

31

Re: To help a friend monetarily

calculations. f.

life is short, do as you please.

32

Re: To help a friend monetarily

  1. Yes dead and buried, inna wa ilayhi rajioon.
  2. I agree, I mean our hearts were clean because if you expect the money back and don't get it, its a different situation. I definitely agree, I would do the same thing if I took money from someone even if they thought of it as a gift.
  3. I am not sure if he has much of choice. Socio-economically, things are really bad for people in the UK, when they can't read or write. Good question on drawing the line, I really feel unsettled by this situation because its not a circumstance where we SAW the accident or saw the electric company come round to shut off services and felt COMPELLED to act.
  4. I don't. I wouldn't be able to peek into his bank accounts or see whats going on on a day to day basis. His living environment is poor and he has a family. The rest is his word and nothing else.
  5. Well heres the difference between helping and being an employee. An employee works 9-5 and goes home. We had many situations like break in at one of our office buildings, where the alarm rang at 2 AM, my uncle called him in a panic...he gets up and meets the uncle at the crime scene, stays through the night (front door was broken) to make sure that additional damage does not happen. He does stuff like this for his brother, other people that give him work, etc.

I mean logically your points are right on target. I guess the emotional end of it is what I struggle with (the guilt of not helping). If he had been some random person saying no would be much easier.

33

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Exactly!

If one can afford, then do it especially if there is some legitimate reason. Its not like the guy wants money to go to a cruise!

No need to make a big philosophical or detailed discussion.

34

Re: To help a friend monetarily

how much does the amount matter to you?? if its like less than ....lets say 20% (or any other percentage ur comfortable with) of ur monthly income.....then just give it.........

35

Re: To help a friend monetarily

A Pakistani gentleman, buying another Pakistani gentleman a ticket from the Turkey to the UK one way, using one name and the card or purchaser is someone else and you worry about the money?

Seriously am I the only one seeing serious security concerns for both these gentlemen in this scenario?

36

Re: To help a friend monetarily

Allah help your friend, ( if he is friend) you helped him in past because he was working for you now he is not, so you are thinking about a situation where the amount needed for help is not more than $200... unless you are broke urself, this amount shouldn't be a problem or something to think about...