To help a friend monetarily

[pak-one]

Re: To help a friend monetarily

@Paheli00

Few questions came into mind while reading your post:

1. Have you asked him directly why he’s not asking his own family for money to go help him back to Pakistan? If you’re good friends with this guy, you shouldn’t have a problem asking him bluntly why his own family isn’t helping him out with this.

2. In the past when you helped him out by giving him cash…did he ever pay you back any of that money? If the answer is “no”, did he ever even OFFER to pay you back that money?

3. Are you VERY close friends with this guy? You’ve already helped him in the past with cash…does he not have any other friends he can turn to?

As a grown man who has a wife and a child…I’m shocked that this man does not have any “emergency savings” that he can fall back on. Assuming you buy his ticket and “bail him out” this time…what makes you think he won’t ask you for help the next time an “emergency” comes up? How many times are you willing to help him out before saying “no”?

My personal opinion, do not buy his ticket. You’ve helped him out before. His own family should be helping him out with this. If this was a case where his father was still alive and ill, then my opinion would’ve been different. But since his father already passed away (and I’m assuming the burial is done)…I don’t see the “urgency” for him to go to Pakistan right now. Unless someone else in the family is ill and dying…I don’t see why he can’t wait a few months, save up the money on his own, and then take his trip.

Good points, let me try to answer them:

1. I did. His family (again the slimeball effect) is willing to pay portions of the ticket. It almost sounds like torture to me. Imagine if you wanted to do something important and your loved ones were like this is the best we can do or some other excuse.

2. He has not paid back the money. When we helped him out in the past, my uncle and I never considered it to be a loan, we wanted to help because he was working so hard for us/is Pakistani Muslim/has a family. He has always been apologetic about it and has said that if he has any income, he wants to pay us back. To that we have always said don’t worry about the payback, we helped because Allah gave us the money to help.

3. I am NOT that close. I live in the States most of the year and he is in the UK. As I mentioned before, he was helping us with one venture and yes we did meet his family. When he worked for us, he was available anytime, morning, noon or night - to solve our problems. So definitely respect him there.

You raise good points. I don’t know his spending habits or know his exact income - but its really not my responsibility to bail him out. I mean there are people in Pakistan who MUCH worse off, at least he is living in the UK where he won’t starve. On the other hand, I feel bad that this is someone who has been good to me and my uncle and we are being selfish with out help. As in we helped him when he worked for us, now we are shunning him because we don’t need his services.