To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Firstly, your thread and this particular question is anything about thought provoking.

I don’t like stereotyping, but let me tell you that I have found greater generosity among the Desi/Asian group than other groups.
I don’t know what kind of Desis you socialize with but every time we have hosted a dawat…whether on a large scale or a small scale…whethher they arrive early or late…MashaAllah MashaAllah se practically every guest with the exception of a couple have shown up with a gift. But we don’t expect them to bring a gift nor do we hold it against them.

Oh and not only do these guests compliment the food and the hospitality (MashaAllah)…several of them get together to clear the table, clean the kitchen, and wash the dishes (MashaAllah again)

There are stingy and considerate people in every group. But EMPATHY is an INSAANI trait…instilled by God…and some people have more of it than others…it’s not a strictly or predominantly western trait. I can surely give you examples of Goray who didn’t thank me for a gift when I was in front of them…much less in the form of a card or email.

There are cultural generalizations about various things like concept of time, gender roles, individuality vs group etc etc. But on the whole (yes there are exceptions)…but on the whole…Asian culture…is known for its hospitality and mehman nawazi and I have seen this consistently. Whether someone is an invited guest a welcome guest or unexpected…the person who enters your home does not have to ask you for pani…the host usually asks if you want something and will insist.

We are the culture of “khana khaye bina na jayega”…and among indians “mehmaan is like bhagwan”…and among afghans “dushman bhi ghar aaye to us k saath bhi acha salook kia jaye”…and among the Arabs who would slaughter their one and only camel/goat to feed a guest.

The world all over is becoming increasingly materialistic, that’s for sure…and this can lead to people being more generous with themselves than others…and it can also lead to keeping score of gifts and hisaab kitaab. But on the whole…Asian culture…is not considered small hearted in this area.

You and the Mrs. may need to sit down and examine exactly WHY your guests are being stingy with you. If you act in real life with your guests in the same manner that you behave on GS…(bragging, etc etc)…perhaps those guests just figured k “chalo kuch ghanto k liye Bobby ki baatain bardaash kar letay hain…muft main acha khana khaa letay hain…and phir chalte hain.”

Because, MashaAllah se, I and other people have had more positive exoeriences with Desi guests on the whole.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Now I mostly socialise with Canadian people and they are very expressive in their appreciation and will mention their appreciation sometimes for years. Nathans mom is going thru hard times and one day she showed up at our house unannounced and insisted she will clean our house to show appreciation for us. Nikhil is tight financially and for Harris’s birthday he makes a drawing as a gift. This time he made a plaque for him at his Industrial arts class. I was just talking to a concerned customer and she very strongly thanked me for taking the time to talk to her and to answer her concerns. You are right about mufta and greediness attitudes in some. During a picnic I had cooked these huge 8/12 shrimps and this woman pushed her adult kids in front of everyone else kai bachoon ko pehle khaane do and these big boys cleaned up the entire shrimp platter before anyone can take even a taste. Big burps, no thank you nothing.

PS many other posters on the thread had same experiences as I have.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Culture and civility is such an endearing quality, please never let go of it. I now socialise with people who are more appreciative and positive.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Those “many others” do not qualify you to take the trait of empathy and attribute it solely to the WEST. Point missed again.

Bobby could look at the positive examples of Desis I shared in my post…as well ad take a look at positive desi posters in this thread…and he could choose to readjust his thinking to “Well. Gosh. There ARE well-mannered and considerate desis. I shouldn’t tar every desi with the same brush. I should not stereotype Desis.” But you’re gonna firmly cling to your stereotypes and create thread after thread on them. So carry on. Bob will give an “ikka-dukka” example of Kiran who picks up trash…and Samir who feeds the poor…and Khalid who helped an old lady cross the street…but rarely (if ever) have I heard Bob say anything positive aboyt Desis as a group on the whole. LOL. Desis are the scum of the Earth, Bob. They smell, they lack intelligence, they lack manners, and they are a wretched group of ingrates. Happy now, Bob?

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

OK, i hate to give this one to Bobby1, but i learned this from my Caucasian aunt.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

I thank others frequently too :alhamd: and I don’t have any Caucasians in my family. And I really mean it when I am expressing gratitude, not just for the sake of saying so.
My religion teaches me to thank others.
I was quite young when my mamu(who is 15+ years elder to me) had said JazakAllahKhair to me for something trivial and I was like mamu isme JazakAllah k kya baat hai and he told me that we are supposed to thank for everything anyone does for you.

I have even had people thank me for doing what was actually my job. And I barely come across Caucasians.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

As I have mentioned previously, you are one in a million. If the general culture was made up of people like you, we would be the most respected people on this planet.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

I was with Dianne for seven years and she was an extremely cultured person, she would hand write me lovely notes all the time. All her family showed extreme grace. Even my children say thank you to me almost on a daily basis and I to them. Like hey Saif thanks for mowing the lawn, and them hey dad thanks for making me lunch etc.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

My 7 and 9 year old niece’s have the habit of thanking. Sometimes they make little thank you notes and cards and decorate them and give. They write stuff like ’ thank you for teaching me’, 'thank you for being the best aunt in the world ’ etc.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

I have come across many arabs who express gratitude. That too to a non arab (like me). The amount duas they give after the expression of gratitude is overwhelming. You end up thinking if you really deserved the amount of gratitude you got. There are many good people out there too.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

So all the stuff I read about abuse of Indians and Pakistanis, exploitation and human rights infractions is not true? I did socialise a lot and met with many Pakistanis, Egyptians, Palestinians etc who gave me horrid accounts of abuse in ME countries.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Lovely, I wish my children had an aunt or cousin like you.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

I can talk about my experience only and I’ve had good experiences :alhamd: Maybe because I’ve been in their social circles too and not just work circles. I’ve known the religious ones as well as the moderately religious ones. I don’t have a language barrier when communicating with them. I’m not saying all are amazing. But in my personal experience with them, except one instance, all the others have been good.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

I have learned many good things from other cultures. But MashaAllah and Alhumdolillah… Allah ka lakh shukar that I learned the bulk of it from my parents. MashaAllah se I didn’t have to look farther from my own home because my own parents taught us how to show appreciation/consideration for others. And then even in my extended family…among relatives that live in a small city in Pakistan…even among them I have seen display consideration/appreciation. I did not observe/experience a severe lack of positive examples among Desis. The good experiences outnumber the bad…to the point that if I do come across negative examples of Desis…I don’t make them my primary focus and shift the good examples to the peripherals of my mind where they are forgotten/omitted/ignored…nor do I use those few negative examples to tar a whole group with the same brush.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

You beat me to it, LP. But I’m glad that you did. One can learn from other cultures, but the bulk of our tike is spent with out own family…our own khandaan…our own people. To kya hum ne apni hi family se…apnay hi logon se…koi achi baat nahi seekhi? Kya hum ne aone hi logon main koi achaayi nazar nahi aayi…k hum aik poori trait ko…whether it’s empathy/generosity/mercy…kisi aur culture k hawalay kar den. Ridiculous. That’s the opposite of an open-minded soch. Ofsos hai aisi soch par.

And good for you for bringing up religion. When I give gifts even to those who have wronged me or I don’t like…in the back of my mind I do remember the hadith that the giving of gifts fosters affection. Our religion/sunnah is chock full of examples of consideration for others that we really don’t need to crane our necks soooooo far to search for examples of goodness from other cultures and then to award a while entire human TRAIT exclusively to one group, lol.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Deleted upon request

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

LOL …*shakesheadslowly" :hehe:

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

:hat: :jazak:

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received

Does it not depend on the nature of relationship, level of closeness & comfort between both parties? For example, I never say thanks to my parents. Does not mean I am not thankful.

If I have given a gift & did not receive a verbal thanks, would not be much bothered. If someone likes my gift and is happy is all that matters even if they dont say thanks. So I try to check if they liked my gift. It does not matter if they said thanks because many people would just say thanks out of formality even if they dont like your gift.

Maybe your friend did not like your gift. So you should make sure to call and ask if she liked it. I usually inform in nice words if I dont like a gift if it came from a close relative/friend so they wont make a hassle and gift me anything similar again. But most people wont be that straight forward and honest. So maybe they dont thank if they did not like your gift. That’s a big hint to take. So check with your friend. If she is not too preoccupied with shifting, that could be the reason.

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Re: To acknowledge/ not acknowledge , or say thanks for a gift received