Marriage !
A man wants to have a WIFE because she can make his life
:
W : WONDERFUL
I : INTERESTING
F : FASCINATING
E : EXTRAORDINARYBut a woman will have to be careful in finding a
HUSBAND because he might be:
H : HOPELESS
U : UNACCOUNTABLE
S : SENSELESS
B : BORING
A : AUTHORITATIVE
N : NUISANCE
D : DISCRIMINATIVEWhy does a man want to have a WIFE ? Because
W : Washing
I : Ironing
F : Food
E : EntertainmentWhy does a woman want to have a HUSBAND ? Because
H : Housing
U : Understanding
S : Sharing
A : And
N : Never
D : DemandingWhat most husbands feel before and after marriage :
BEFORE
W : Wonderful
I : Instrument
F : For
E : EntertainmentAFTER
W : Worries (are)
I : Invited
F : For
E : EverThe Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist,
nor a friendly handshake from a proctologist.
The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people,
they have nothing to lose.The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap,
always leave room for the mouse.Law of Physical Displacement
Sometimes you are the dog.
Sometimes you are the hydrantLegal Rights
Everyone has a right to be stupid.
Some just abuse the privilege.Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed.Law Pertaining to Divorce
Be a good housekeeper. When you leave him…
get a good lawyer… and keep his house.Think about it before you decide to tie your knot.
Every man should get married some time; after all,
happiness is not the only thing in life!!
– Anonymous
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have;
the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
–Agatha Christie
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that
some men should be happier than others.
–Oscar Wilde
I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years.
–SamKinison
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if
they didn’t,they’d be married too.
–H. L. Mencken
Marriage is a three ring circus
–engagement ring
—wedding ring
—suffering
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
Love is blind ; but marriage is an eye-opener.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you
can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the
wife.
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I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her,
“How about the kitchen?”We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too
late for the garbage?”
Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in!”Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to
ever get married.
He says “the wedding rings look too much like minature
handcuffs…”
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you
let him in!
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
departed mother and started back toward his car when
his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at
a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to
die? Why did youhave to die?” The first man approached
him and said,
“Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private
grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than
I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment
to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first
husband.”
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned
over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife
decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was
stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”
WONDERFUL DEFINITIONS
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the
notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by
the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power…
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before
marriage.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things
straight.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to
open their mouth.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know
more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.
Experience :- The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher :- A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in
such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist :- A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last
letter in RO, Instead 0f the first letter in word
OPPORTUNITY.
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest… except
that he got caught.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and
late when you are early.
Politician :- One who shakes your hand before
elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you with his bills.