Im going to be getting married in a couple of weeks. Ive been talking with my fiance few times a week on the phone as I live abroad. I was born and raised in the US and never had many desi friends or family here so i dont know many of the traditions. I really dont feel comfortable asking my parents so please help me out. What my question is that what do i say when I first go into the room with her. Ive been thinking last few days that it would be very awkward and I dont really know how to start the conversation. So whoever has gotten married what have you or what has your husband first said to break the ice.
Just give her a hug- I’m sure both of you will need it and appreciate it. Do/say what feels right and don’t overthink it.
Tradition dictates that the man gifts his new wife a present or a token of his affection when he first sees her alone. This ‘moun (face) dikai (viewing)’ can be anything but I’ve heard of people getting small pieces of gold jewellery like earrings, to full on gold/diamond sets. It’s up to you what you give to your new wife. You may choose not to give anything but be warned as this doesn’t usually go down too well with Pakistani wives.
Is there anything distinctive that needs to be said? I think it can be a normal convo, no? Like asking a glass of water or making a compliment.
Btw from what I know, unless you are marrying a rural girl or a super religious person, all girls in Pakistan are highly confident and know whats coming next. It wouldnt be hard to make it a two way conversation no matter how you start.
PS: This might be the last time you are starting a conversation with her. After that you’ll be on the listening end forever hoping her to stop talking.
Ok just kidding. Congrats on your wedding!!
Don’t over think things and make it complicated. Start by telling her how beautiful she looks and how happy you are that you two are finally married. Read through the thread I’m posting below.
Empathy is a good quality to have and we should realize that the girl would be a lot more nervous compared to the guy so it really is important to put her at ease, let her know that all her wishes will be respected and what happens that night will depend on her. Some girls like to get emotionally comfortable before they get intimate so you have to appeal to the emotional side. Give her a gift, make her feel special. It should be all about her and not you.
I don’t have anything extra to add from all the excellent answers. I would just say that you should start with asking her how she is feeling and how the day has been for her. Weddings can be overwhelming especially if one of the couple has to move overseas. She would probably have a lot on her mind especially if its the first time she is living overseas. So you should be reassuring during the day of her importance in your life. .
Ask her fav Pakistani drama beforehand and be like the lead character.
Also 8/10 of the Pakistani friends I have from Pakistan are natural poets so you should try to memorise few lines of poetry. If she is Punjabi learn some Bulleh Shah, Faiz or Mirza Ghalib. If she is Pashto speaking then some Rehman baba and if she is Sindhi maybe Sheikh Ayaz.
Learn some words in her language if she speaks another language apart from Urdu/English
If she is very religious then maybe she will relate more to the character in Khuda aur Mohabt .
If she is more left of centre she may like Ibn e Insha poetry
If she is both liberal minded/religious or conservative/religious then probably you would want to do dua together.
ALso don’t forget the moonh dikhai gift
