My wife Norah was afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease. She could no longer function as a person in our marriage. Slowly I had to take over the various duties she had performed. After that I took over her financial affairs. Then I had to take care for her personally: choosing, buying, and looking after clothing, dressing and undressing her, combing her hair, and feeding her. Slowly our conversations ceased. She could not think rationally anymore. She could not understand the words that were being used, and she did not know the names of the objects she saw. She no longer knew who I was either. “Norah is gone, there is nothing left in your marriage. You need to look after yourself again”, is advice that I have heard and felt. Fortunately, I did not yield to this advice. Despite all of Norah’s disabilities, we continued to have a rich and enjoyable experience together. I learned to communicate with Norah in other ways. How I spoke the words said more than their actual meaning. She watched for the smile on my face and the fun in my voice. My disposition had more effect on her than my words. She let me put my arm around her and hold her hands whenever I desired, or needed to do so… Now Norah is gone, but I’m glad I stayed with her “till death do us part.”
Daniel Heinrichs in his book called "Caring for Norah, 1996 p 48
In the blink of an eye we are going to be old, then older still. Do you ever think about it? I think about it all the time, the finality of life. It’s easy to forget it and focus on the transient but death and disease are unavoidables, their probability increasing with age. How will you deal with your own illnesses and those of your spouse? Will you put her or him in an old folks home or hospice or stay with him or her as Heinrichs did? Does “till death do us part” come with conditions?
There are two trends I've noticed over the past two decades: the emphasis on individuality and enjoying life and living it to the max and more options and less stigma toward old folks homes. Whereas previous generations did not really have an option about what to do when their spouse had a mentally or physically crippling disease and were forced to keep on taking care of them, I wonder will this change when our generation gets old? For men especially, aging is not necessarily a negative thing, getting married again is easier than it is for elderly women and they have better finances than women their age. What kind of influence will that have on their decisions when their spouses get sick?
If I were to marry somebody and well, something unfortunate happened, yes I would stick with that person until the end.To me marriage is a very special bond...its about loyalty and courage ...its about staying with the person when they need you the most.I dont think I would ever abandon that person.I mean my focus in life would be that very person.Its not that I would have to stay with that person just because he was my hubby, but rather because I would want to stay with that person.I mean I think of myself in that situation, if I was ill, and the person I cared for the most in the world-- if he left me at that moment...how would I feel.I guess sometimes its impossible to understand unless you're that person in that situation ,but personally loved ones mean a lot to me.
Btw abandoning that person to me- is not an option.
Just wanted to add another part of it. Very beautifully written and original.
I love this part:
*“It’s not you, it’s me. You changed me, and now because of me, you might get changed too… although not in a way I would have liked you to change! But you have to know this: our paths seemed to be, and actually are, “alike”. But the thing we failed to notice was the “direction” of our paths, and that was a big mistake. Coz when I realized that the direction was actually “opposite”, my world came crashing to a halt! We were so amused by the “likeness” of our paths that we didn’t notice that every step we took, actually took us farther away from each other. And now we have crossed the threshold! The attraction can not return… we can never be the same… but your aroma will always be there with me… till eternity…
…good bye”
As he read the last line he noticed some spots on the paper. The dark, rounded, smudged spots clearly indicated that the writer had wept and some of the tears had found their way onto the paper. It was all over, and he knew it.*
divorce is actually a sin for them…for us it’s halal but one of the worst halal things, whereas catholics view it as a total sin. ur nto allowed to remarry in teh catholic church if you’ve had a divorce
totally off topic but us muslims r so funny! We complain about all these things being haram n when something is halal we say its the worst thing that could be halal
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*Originally posted by ~Tikhi Jalebi~: *
i know its allowed but discouraged..nevermind :p it sounded like u were saying its better for divorce to be a sin
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no no, i was just pointing out the differences between divorce in islam and catholicism
we are so concirned abt some stuf that is halal but least favt one . but i guess we r just ignorin all that stuff which is haram n each n every muslim shud avoid to do . so i guess we shud prefer that instead of discusing such topicz . (dont mean this topic isnt important . it got its own significant but food bill is more imp then tip ya know)
divorce is actually a sin for them...for us it's halal but one of the worst halal things, whereas catholics view it as a total sin. ur nto allowed to remarry in teh catholic church if you've had a divorce
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Yep that's right..and even marrying someone who's divorced is a sin.
