I have been pondering upon something and let’s see how members of the audience feel about the issue. Let’s say you spend your childhood with your cousins and stuff…some young some old…some you view as younger siblings, and some as older. When you finally grow up, yes…a concept many of us find difficult to attain…so when you finally reach that age where parents start to look for appropriate matches for you, would you consider marrying a person whom you grew up thinking as a brother or sister?
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no, ewwwww :)
borderline incest if you think of it that way
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thanks MP...your response was the first response I was indeed expecting. Now, where is Shikra.
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^ Why is he gonna mary a cousin?
Nothing wrong with marrying ur cousin. Islamically it's allowed, so who are we to say if it's gross or "ewwwww"? I personally wouldn't marry any of my cousins simply coz 1) there aren't any available ones in my family, and 2) even if there were, i wudn't marry em if i'd been raised with em..
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No, the way he put it, like thinking of them as a brother or sister and then wanting to marry them, not ewwww, cousins
borderline incest that way
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^ Arrite well, if u were raised alongside them, regular visits, and daily/weekly contact, then that wud be kinda creepy..
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Not if we grew up together, thats like being brother and sister.
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where cousins grow up together 
So do American kids grow up with cousins ?
Last i heard, Joint family system is a story of very distant past for Americans. May be I am wrong.
In eastern countries, people regard neigbhours very much, kids literally grow up playing with kids from neighbourhood, They are often more close than one’s cousins (or even siblings). So will it make them bro and sis like in blood relationship ?
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I know I grew up with my cousins on my mother's side, were you just assuming you know american lives? I can't even imagine marrying any of the boy cousins, they are like my brothers.
Sorry: It seems that way in the big cities but in the smaller areas and towns, extended families are more common. Most immigrants settle in big cities because of the opportunities and how easy it to blend in and base their general opinions on the people they come in contact with in cities. Even in Pakistan, I assume that people living in crowded cities live a bit differently than outer areas.
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Parents can be somewhat short-sighted when it comes match making with cousins. They can't see how we feel about the 'incest' thing, especially if we've grown up with them. But at the end of the day they want whats best for us and choosing a candidate they know well and trust is to be expected. In most cases they'll accept your decision and reason for saying no.
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But so is with neighbours in Pakistan, specially in smaller towns :)
I lived in a big city, but we grew up playing with neighbors with whom we were more close than our cousins. Similar is the case with many people. So does it mean that one can not marry neighbours ???
believe it or not ... But their is a saying in my language
Humsaya, Ma Jaya means A neighbour has same rights as the one who is concieved by your mother.
It is partly traditional and partly religious.
errr. I know marrying a cousin is not allowed in christianity so it is not an issue. Whether you think of them as a brother does not really mean any thing ! :)
But in Islam it is allowed. So growing up together and thinking of them as sibling is really very trivial, you can think of anyone as sibling, but it wont make you brother and sister.
Islam, prohibits intermingling of cousins of opposit gender after they become adults, as they should not think themselves as siblings which they are not.
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Cose_Red - In the neighborhood I grew up, everyone took responsibility for the kids. Half the time, when it was dinner time, if you were a kid, you were fed or if you did something wrong you were disciplined on the spot. I understand the sentiment and the saying :)
I really didn't answer as a Catholic or as an American (with either it isn't acceptable) just as someone who grew up with cousins.
The way you explained makes sense, I just cannot see being comfortable marrying a cousin after growing up as siblings. Mentally.
I have a cousin about my age and we used to joke about that, but as we got older, he was like an older brother to me and I was like a sister. As much as I admire his values and his way of living, I could never imagine marrying him, even if it was legal because of the way I think about him.
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I am an American who also grew up with cousins - there is definitely the "ick" factor for me. As my husband, who is Paksitani puts it - "for 20 years this girl is "bhaji", your sister, then, one day, you come home from uni, and your parents say 'you know __ bhaji, well, now she's going to be ____ biwi". I know some men who still refer to their cousin-wives as bhaji! When I was in several Arab countries, I noticed that male and female cousins did not linger together the way they do in the subcontintent or refer to each other as brother/sister. Maybe Majestic could elaborate on this.
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^ I've never lived in the Middle East. However, I did grow up very close to my cuz, and so did my cuz back home.
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Better the devil you know!
but not for me............. actually Ive never grown up with cousins so I couldnt possibly say.
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Well, so many replies....you know, may be I didn't make my self clear. I expect only one or two replies....so kindly don't overwhelm my senses with your overwhelming responses to my threads. I actually don't mind having any responses to my threads....it makes me feel special. :D
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^ haha.. funny
It depends.
Some people have this notion that they'd like to marry someone they've known for a number of years (well at least thats the criteria a lot of my friends have), but when u say, then how about a cousin.. they get into a hissy fit.. its rather.. ummz, hypocritical i'd say
it all comes down to an individual and what they're comfortable with. Ur the one getting married to this person (be it ur cousin) not the people around u. If u think its incest, then dont get into it, if u dont, then go for it... who really cares what ur neighbours aunt thinks?
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Sadzzz...first of all you are not in my shoes. Secondly, I am not "getting married to this person"...it was a thought that a recent discussion brought up; and I wondered how most other people felt about this issue.
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i grew up with my cousins and i would never even think about marrying them. i didnt even know it was allowed until i was 10 or 11. none of my relatives are married to cousins. and i dont think any of my cousins would want to marry each other.i guess it is the way people are raised.