Yeah I have to ask my in-laws for permission even if I have to use the washroom.
I don't show them my shopping because I am not allowed to shop. I can only shop for my mother in law. If I even buy deodorant for myself, my mother in law gets offended.
I am expected to wake up at 5 and make breakfast for everyone, then lunch and then come up with an entirely new menu for dinner. On top of that, I have to clean the entire house while my mother in law sits on the couch watching ARY dramas.
I am not allowed to work. I work for my in-laws without pay or just compensation.
My 'jeetani and nand' not only give me a headache but a backache, stomachaches, and other gastrointestinal problems.
My mother in law treats my 'jeetani' like a queen and me like a pauper.
They treat me like a bad bahu....so I don't talk to them very often...If you can't get the respect that you give them...then you'll never threat them like your own parents....
After my marriage I said amiji to my MIL...But when I went to PK...she treated me really bad....from that time i call her aunty....She isn't my mother...and she'll never be....
I'm ok to have a distant relationship with my Inlaws....coz when I wanted to be a good DIL they were like they don't care about me....so I don't hate or love them....
When I'll go to pk (with my husband) I will not spend a lots of time with them.....will keep distance....I will ignore them...I will do my thing and further I don't care about them...
is ur hubby ok with this?? doesnt he ask u to treat his parents like this like that whatever..???!!!
This is ridiculous. If you are going to live with the in-laws, in thier house, then unless everyone of them is an angel, you should go in expecting at least some conflicts already, esp if your sharing their space. As a family member, you might get the 'guest' treatment for a while, but after that you be will be treated the same, or worse depending on how 'decent' the inlaws are.
For the new comer though, the slightest comment will come across as harsh or impolite at the most, considering they probably havent adjusted/bonded within the family as much and probably feel as an outsider, that they deserve atleast some respect.
On the other hand, if you want a peace of mind and a little independance, the best way to go is to get you're own place, or at least a self contained floor in the same house. It is cruicial for the couple to keep thier own breathing space, only for the reason that they have a much better chance of establishing better in-laws relationships, and in effect a more successful marriage. Any other way, and the chances of success and peace are much much lower.
Self contained part of the house is a really good idea for those who don't want to or can't afford to get their own place imo..
i live with my inlaws, actually me and hubby are in the basement apartment - separate kitchen, entrance, living areas.
I clean my apartment and my MIL cleans her place upstairs.
for food, if I make something I'll bring it upstairs and share it with everyone. And if I dont want to cook, I'll just go upstairs and eat. Some days I will tell her that i'm making something for dinner, so she wont have to make anything, or there will be too much food.
for grocery, i do my own, but i need to borrow anything from upstairs, i do. And if im going grocery, i ask her if she needs anything. They do the same.
for going out, we dont have to tell them, but i do it as a courtesy. In case they invite people over, or we are invited somewhere as a family for a dawat. I mean, if you were living at home , you would tell ur own parents about ur plans, dont see the reason why you cant tell your inlaws.
when I was single and living with my parents, i hardly did any cooking and housework.my bhabhis did everything. And they are my role models. now that im married, my nand is busy with school and work, so she hardly cooks and cleans. But honestly, i dont mind, cuz she is single and shoudl enjoy those days like how i did :)
i love shopping and love showing what i get. i do it sometimes. no biggie.
the more people think there will be issues, then there will be.
is ur hubby ok with this?? doesnt he ask u to treat his parents like this like that whatever..???!!!
I don't know if my hubby is ok with this...He knows that I felt very bad coz of them...But further we don't talk a lot about his family....
My husband and I lived apart for about a year...During that time he always kept saying to me that you have to call them about every two days....pff.....every time I called I got feelings like I'm calling them but I don't want to...and they talked nice if they wanted to....
When he came here....he said a few times you should call etc etc...or you never call them....you don't care about them etc etc...And I said yes I don't care about them because they don't care about me....every relationship is about giving and taking....
Now my husband call them often...never infront of me...a few weeks ago when I asked if he has called to PK...he said you never ask how they are....I said do they ask how am I??? They know I've been very sick....
He knows I'm right....
Now they are prentending to be nice...My parents went two times to pk since my husband is here...they sent my 2 suits....I never wore them...and IA I never will....
His parents and bro/sis had created a HUUUGGEE distance between me and my husband...though we weren't living together....
But we love eachother very much!! I feel like a princess whenever I'm with him.....he's the best....I'm glad that all problems have gone to the background...even his familyissues.....
If a man is happy with his wife he'll never give her tension coz of his family....