Re: this may also be silly but
save your complaining for the important stuff
Re: this may also be silly but
Nad's my parents and Inlaws live in same city...i went to my parents house 1 week before my flight...so when i was coming here...no once from my inlaws came to see me and didnt even called...one day before leaving i called them and said im leaving tomorrow..but next day no one called or came to airport
Nadz, I agree with **Muzna. **This behavior (comparing) should be curbed. I know that it can be tough, but it'll drive you crazy to dwell on these differences all the time.
Even if your MIL was crazy about you......she still wouldn't treat you like her own child. Think about this. There are many examples of cousin marriages where the daugther-in-law gets treated like crap by her own khala or phoopo, who happens to be her MIL as well. In such scenarios.......the MILS don't give a rat's butt that their bahu shares the same blood as them. They still feel insecure that the bahu (even it's their own blood-related niece) is stealing their son away from them. And your MIL is not blood-related to you. Sure, she's your moomani.......she's the wife of your mom's brother. But she's not blood related. SO..............IF...............blood related MILS have the potential to treat their DILS wrong...............keep your expectations reasonable from those who are not your blood relatives. IF that makes sense.
Some things to remember:
Nobody can love you the way your parents love you. A mother-in-law will never be the equivalent of your own mother. Therefore don't expect her to take into accound special considerations for you. She did not bring you into this world........she did not raise you. Having the desire to pamper you or to make you feel special is not going to come naturally to her because she's not mom. She's more inclined to make her son feel special because it's comes naturally to her as his mother. Once you understand and accpet this, hopefully you'll develop a tougher skin toward her lack of consideration.
**** Desi culture is a male-dominated one. Divorce is a huge social stigma especially for women. Because of this the girl's family tends to treat the son-in-law better so that hopefully he won't divorce their daugther. The girl's family tends to be the more compromising side. The guy's family KNOWS this and will take advantage of this...........thinking they have the upper hand........and are not as "obligated" to treat the bahu as nicely...........as the girl's parents treat their son-in-law. Is it twisted? Double standards? Hell to the YEAH! But.....fighting generations worth of deep-rooted erroneous attitudes is not easy to do.
********** So, you get the vibe that your MIL is not too fond of you. Okay, that's fine. She ain't your biological mother. She's not obligated to like you. You have plenty of people in your life who love you wholeheartedly......the lack of a couple of people will not make such a huge impact on you. Your MIL may not be super crazy about you to the point of doing special things for you such as throwing a small party or taking you out to a restaurant...........................but does the woman at least like you enough to give you basic respect? Does she brainwash her son against you? Does she manipulate situations? Does she beat you up? Does she lie about you? Does she verbally abuse you? If she doesn't do ANY of these things............consider yourself MORE FORTUNATE than many other DILS out there. Because all you have to put up with is lack of tact.
********** Try not to dwell on it. You can't change her. Neither can her son. Enjoy the people who sincerely care about you. ALWAYS try to be the bigger person.......don't stoop to the level of others. Just because someone doesn't have tact doesn't necessarily mean that you should adapt their ways as well.
Stop worrying about these tiny matters, like all threads have indicated, no matter how wonderful you are, you are still a DIL and he is their SON, there will always be a difference in the way you are both treated.
You are newly married, enjoy this time with your husband and your In laws, your behaviour in the early days of your marriage will have a lasting effect on all fo them.
Its up to you to build this relationship, accept them (in laws) with all thier flaws, and remember your one of the lucky ones, you dont have to live with them day in day out, you and hubby have your own lives.
Re: this may also be silly but
Look at the bright side- they are only dropping him off at the airport, not flying to UK with him ;)
Nadz, if I were you I'd ask my parents NOT to give him any special treatments just to make things even. ;)
haha good one bajz!
Re: this may also be silly but
nadz, I hope you don't share your computer with your husband, but if you do, I hope you are at least smart enough to delete GS history & cookies before your husband uses it.
Re: this may also be silly but
shouldn’t this thread be moved to Complaints / Moderation Issues ?
**If you are gonna obsess about EVERY , TINY , MINISCULE , DETAIL like this .......then God Help You ! **
well said
Look at the bright side- they are only dropping him off at the airport, not flying to UK with him ;)
yessssssss
and plz develop a thick skin where inlaws are concerned.
Re: this may also be silly but
Nadzz just read some of the threads posted in Life1 by many married girls regarding the REAL MARRIED LIFE PROBLEMS they are facing .....may be then u'll be able to realise that MA you are not going thru any problem at all.
U r one of those people who consider "not having a problem/tension" a big problem itself.
How can you expect your inlaws to treat you same way as they are treating their son. Inlaws are mostly HORRIBLE and you dear don't seem to have such inlaws Thank God ! So just try to be happy there is nothing for u to worry abt. Believe me inlaws can hurt your feelings in many many awful ways and most of the times u cannot even say "uffff".
Grow up girl or u'll may end up having alot of problems and tensions in ur married life (God Forbid)
Re: this may also be silly but
Your previous threads/posts show that you don't really have any affection towards your mother in law, so why are you complaining when she doesn't show any affection towards you?
yes but cmon, i dnt expect tears but a meal wouldve atleast made me feel important enough. she was quiet and didnt even talk to me properly. i know i shudnt expect, but i know my own mum and dad would have doted on him had it been his last day..
and its not the first time hes getting on plane, its his 3rd time, to come here.
i think its gonna be different to how ur mum n dad would treat him cos hes their daughters husband and they have to treat him nicely so he has no room to complain and make ur life difficult...but ur in laws have no such duty to make u happy...and i know how little things can build up...try not to worry though....
Re: this may also be silly but
Nadz....pls don't mind!!
But are you a queen or princess of Zimbabwe or something?? Why should everything be perfect in the way you want???
You don't have problems with your inlaws YET...but your childish behaviour will create problems for you in the future...
SO pls instead of changing the attitude of your inlaws and changing evrything around you..CHANGE YOURSELF before doing anything!!!
Gandhi has said:
You must be the change to see it in the world!!
Re: this may also be silly but
^ Why Zimbabwe?
^ i think she wanted to call her kaali kalooti princess in a nicer way
Re: this may also be silly but
^Then I'm sorry I asked the question. Thats not nice.
Re: this may also be silly but
Nadz,
Please stop looking for trouble. I could care less if my MIL threw my husband a farewell party/dinner and nothing for me. I wish I cared, but I dont. I wish I could join the I Hate My MIL club but it just takes so much work and effort to dislike people...I get sick of it midway and start to think about how much more fun my own family is. Then, I cook up a storm, have my sisters over for a movie night and forget all about it in 2.5 seconds.
You need to start looking at your blessings more. That much is obvious.
Re: this may also be silly but
^ I think it's also an issue of maturity, quite frankly. The constant need to be a drama queen, to create issues where there are none, is very adolescent. Though I certainly know people who remain this way well into adulthood. I just tend to avoid them.
This is why I wish people would really think before marriage and children.
Re: this may also be silly but
Nadz open a blog please - it'll be much more fun and entertaining than opening a thread every time. And I could get my fix of the never-ending complaints that you come up with on a daily basis, and that is not said in a condescending manner because you are one of the funniest people I've seen on here in a long time.