Inspired by Njgal’s thread, I started to wonder–have any of you ever thought about what would happen in the event of your death? Where you want to be buried, and if you are ill, where you would want to spend your last days?
seeing as how more and more families are becoming more scattered around the globe these days, situations such as in the above thread may become more common…
How do you broach the subject with your spouse/family without letting emotions come into play?
Tough question. Well!! At the moment I guess I don’t care where I die as long as I die peacefully, without too much pain & suffering… I would want to be with my spouse and kids, see my parents without letting them know anything… I don’t want to cause my parents pain by them seeing me dying, so it would be better if I’m far from them when I pass away 
Re: Thinking about the future
My wish would be .. (assuming that I am dying when I am old, although you never know) .. is to spend my last days closer to my daughters, but not with them as I am assuming that they must be married and living in their homes by that time.
I like to be burried in a local graveyard where they can come and do fatiha whenever they feel like.
Re: Thinking about the future
Sare you were recently born stop thinking about this.
Re: Thinking about the future
excellent topic sara!
I see very little thought given to this very subject amongst the desi population that I come across …
but yes … I have a living will … that outlines specifics of what i want done in case of my illness/disability that would leave me incapable of making such decisions or in case of death.
I am insured (life/disability/accidental death) to the hilt! … my immediate family are the beneficiaries of course 
I have taken the time to discuss these issues with my parents, sister and SO … of these … only my sis would hear me out.
My parents refuse to make a living will … their stance … "you two (my sis and I) will make the decisions when its time.
My SO’s jawab … “fazool batein na soocha/kiya karo” :pcg:
these are difficult, emotional issues … as you said sara … and immediate answers are going to rare …
But life is so very unpredictable and morbid as it may seem best you can do … decide for yourself and plant the seeds in minds of your loved ones.
My wish would be .. (assuming that I am dying when I am old, although you never know) .. is to spend my last days closer to my daughters, but not with them as I am assuming that they must be married and living in their homes by that time.
I like to be burried in a local graveyard where they can come and do fatiha whenever they feel like.
From what I know, women aren't supposed to visit graveyards.
I haven't given much thought to this really, though I have been thinking of buying myself a plot at the local Muslim cemetery.
From what I know, women aren't supposed to visit graveyards. .
I think you are right .. but is that only during burial or they cannot even come for fatiha, later on?
Lol, i like the way u put that..born recently…but still man, as uncomfortable a thought it is, you never know what could happen. 
Its kinda weird, cz i can easily think of myself dying but not my husband, parents, brother and close extended relatives passing In a way its kinda selfish.
From what I remember, they just aren't supposed to go, period (well not as long as they're alive anyway).
So they can be buried in the graveyard next to a na mahram , but they cannot visit the graveyard. I do not understand this . 
Is there any Quranic or Hadess reference to it ?
It is good if one can tell loved ones his/her wish for burial place. The other day I found out that someones dad dies and four graves were dug for him at four different graveyards based on the preference of the people he left behind. There was even a heated debate on it in the family. 
Re: Thinking about the future
I'll tell my kids to mummify me and place me in a glass box in the living room. That way i'll be remembered by my grand grand kids. I'll also be a family heirloom.
I'll tell my kids to mummify me and place me in a glass box in the living room. That way i'll be remembered by my grand grand kids. I'll also be a family heirloom.
LOL , not a bad idea.
I think you are right .. but is that only during burial or they cannot even come for fatiha, later on?
That's my understanding as well - women do not accompany the janaza for burial, but do go to a graveyard to visit/read fatiha.
I'm just not sure whether its a religious requirement or social convention.
Its kinda weird, cz i can easily think of myself dying but not my husband, parents, brother and close extended relatives passing :( In a way its kinda selfish. :(
welll u know... ur husband will get married eventually and your loved ones will move along with their lives as well.....
now what will happen to you if he goes first? (no hard feelsings, u know death is inevitable )... i wonder how many ladies (specially with kids) talks to their husbands about their (her and kids) future in this prespective?
guys will you take an offence on such questions from your wives?
Re: Thinking about the future
Even death with planning . Jeez you guys are boring . At least leave something to surprise .
Even death with planning . Jeez you guys are boring . At least leave something to surprise .
:D that's what happens to everyone, even the ones who have planned to the letter!
Death can come any s e c o n d ....guys!!!! Think about the grave rather than where your grave will be. Think about which side you will stand on the day of judgment. Think about what you leave behind, is it just money or something your kids will be thankful for even in the hereafter.
Saying that^ I too think having a will is a must and having some sort of plan for burial...etc so your kids don't take the financial burden is must..! But all this planning is secondary to planning for akhira!
Re: Thinking about the future
when you plan for your death, you are planing on the behalf of the ones you are leaving behind. It hardly matters to us what is going to happen to our body after we are gone.
Gee…thanks. My life means that much 
I think its clear that we’re both allowed to remarry in such a sitaution. But that doesn’t mean we necessarily will.
as far as financially, I know I will survive. Not sure about emotionally and mentally though
Inspired by Njgal's thread, I started to wonder--have any of you ever thought about what would happen in the event of your death? Where you want to be buried, and if you are ill, where you would want to spend your last days?
seeing as how more and more families are becoming more scattered around the globe these days, situations such as in the above thread may become more common...
How do you broach the subject with your spouse/family without letting emotions come into play?
I'd like to be close to my kids. I'd try to read up all my missed namazein. Do a lot of astaghfaar...that is if I had the opportunity to know a timeline...
But I'd give away all my jewelry to my girls, allow my husband to remarry, and stick around them. And then ask to be buried closeby.
Re: Thinking about the future
This is precisely why you should purchase your grave and make your will when you are fit and healthy. Make your wishes clear to your family as to what you want in the event of death.
It’s uncomfortable, but we all need to be more responsible when it comes to this and not just leave things for your kids to take care of when you die.
One thing my dad did (and I’m sorry if my talking about my dad annoys some of you), is he purchased his and my mother’s grave side by side 5 years prior to his being diagnosed with Cancer. He paid it, chose the dua he wanted on their stones and settled everything. So when he died, we (the children) didn’t have to worry about handling the burial, which was a huge burden taken off of our shoulders.
Women can go to the grave. One common belief is that women shouldn’t go to the graveyards because deceased males can see their bodies naked. Like are you kidding me? :rolleyes:
The reason why women are discouraged from going to the grave is due to their behaviour - culturally, I see this a lot with Arabs, they scream, shout, wail and cry.
Read this link. It explains why certain hadiths state that women shouldn’t visit graves … but if you exercise patience (meaning don’t do a matum at the gravesite) it is permissable.
Culturally, Pakistanis do not encourage it or like it. Islamically, we have every right to visit the graveyard and should.