Before anyone judges me I have to say I have the most precious thing living inside me that I dearly love & couldn’t have been anymore blessed BUT
I am losing it.
In my 33th week. Only 7 more weeks to go but I don’t think I can handle it anymore. I developed gestational diabetes in my 25th week. To make matters worse I have been on insulin shots since 1 month now, check my sugar 6 times a day, inject myself 3 times a day, follow a strict diet plan & eat 6 times a day & the darn thing still isn’t under control.
On TOP of that I have the worse left side abdominal pain & NO its NOT round ligament. That is separate which I have to bear these days (but then all women go through it so its all good).
These two things are besides me being anemic, constipated (tmi I know), scarred with the worse acne ever, leg cramps, knee cramps, worse back ache, swollen legs & in my 8th month still not being able to keep a freakin prenatal tablet down.
I supposedly have an inflamed muscle or a torn tissue since 1st week of November. Have been to ER thrice because of the pain. Now I don’t even bother & just cry silently because of it. My OB wants me to take Vicodin which I am not comfortable with at all. I feel like the baby doesn’t move as much if I take even one of those tablets & they just help a little bit with the pain anyways & even that I can take no more than 2 days in a row, otherwise baby can be born addicted to it.
Have had my kidneys tested. They came out clean. Have my cervix & ovaries checked. They seem to be in good shape. Was sent for physical therapy but that actually made the pain even worse. My Ob did tell me that the pain will get worse with my growing belly but its unbearable & when I say unbearable I really mean it.
We have moved the guest bed down stairs since 2 weeks. But for showers I still have to go upstairs & it sucks because even that is a 3 day debate :s I can barely walk to the rest room which is only 3 feet away from the foot of my bed without being teary eyed. I can’t walk more than 5 steps without aggravating the pain. Even going out for my prenatal appointments is a painful experience. Last visit I had to be escorted out in a wheel chair. The most humiliating experience of my life.
There is more & I can keep on my writing but even at this moment it feels like someone is twisting my insides. Even when the little one moves & for some odd reason she likes to kick me right where the bad muscle is, it hurts like hell. (mind my language there)
Me & hubby have talked to a doctor not the same one who always sees me to see if we can induce the baby i:e as long as there is no harm to her & he completely refused saying that my OB won’t do that & its not how things work at their place. They are pretty strict on this matter & the only thing they might allow is anytime 6 days before the due date. He also scared us by mentioning so many abnormalities that can occur if we don’t let the baby go full term.
I know the best is thing is to go full term but I just wanna know what other mommies think about this matter & trust me for me nothing is more important than the baby’s health but I just can’t take it anymore. I am going into depression because of this. I feel bad that I am more in a state where I wanna have the baby so I can be normal again & hopefully get rid of the pain & the diabetes rather than being excited about seeing my little munchkin.
Hate being stuck up in the bed all day like this. She is my first child & I hate not being able to do all the little exciting things all mommies to be do while preparing for the baby, shopping, setting up the nursery & all.
When I am in my worse pain time I get so frustrated that I say things like “she is your baby & not mine, other wise she wouldn’t be hurting me so much” to my hubby & I don’t know what not. Poor hubby. Bless him, has been supportive & always encourages me but lately I have started to feel bad for him too now. I want us to be excited & happy & really look forward to it in a good way. But all I do is just cry & whine in front of him. Even if he tries to cheer me up I have been so hopeless lately that I always end up saying something negative to him.
Anyways without judging me I need honest advice on the whole inducing thing. Fine maybe not 7 weeks but 3 weeks. Does that sound okay? I personally know many babies who were born before their due dates & are mashaAllah perfectly healthy now.
Requested for prayers couple of months back in my blog. Requesting again.