I hope you guys watch the video below to understand the whole situation first. But in case you can’t, here is a 2-line summary of the video:
Girl: I’m calling off marriage with him because he is unable to satisfy me.
Guy: I have no such problem. Her accusation is a cover to conceal her true intentions.
Things I would like your opinion on:
1- Let’s assume the girl is lying, how can the guy prove it? Should he even bother?
2- Let’s assume the guy is lying, how can the girl prove it? Should she even bother?
3- If roles were reversed, would you answer #1 and/or #2 differently?
4- Let’s assume the girl accuses him of being gay, how can the guy prove otherwise? Should he even bother?
5- Let’s assume the guy accuses her of being lesbian, how can the girl prove otherwise? Should she even bother?
In my humble opinion if your relationship gets to a stage where you have to prove your sexual power to a third person, you need to run and run fast away from that relationship. What happens between husband and wife in the darkness is amanat that should not be highlighted in front of others even if the girl wants to take divorce.
Besides there is no way to prove such personal things.
[quote=““Pakistani Prince””]
In my humble opinion if your relationship gets to a stage where you have to prove your sexual power to a third person, you need to run and run fast away from that relationship. What happens between husband and wife in the darkness is amanat that should not be highlighted in front of others even if the girl wants to take divorce.
Besides there is no way to prove such personal things.
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In the video the girl did not involve a third person the first time she announced her decision to call off their marriage. How about contesting such a claim at that stage? Should the guy have not bothered about it then as well?
I think the guy was so much more invested in the relationship, hence his loss seemed greater when the marriage was called off. But, he is clearly done with it as well. He just does not want to be blamed for it.
You seem to be a misogynist, no one except the insecure guy thinks she is lying. That Indian man is a narcissist abusive insecure man child, everyone understands except for insecure men that sexual compatibility is a real thing.He could be amazingly compatible with someone else. In all my life there was so much compatibility and in some cases none at all. This is natural, why the ego trip.
Girls do lie though,one Pak girl married an older guy, came here had affairs, blamed guy for impotence and left. Next time he learned his lesson didn’t marry a model looking girl, has three kids
@Bobby1
It is ok if you think she is not lying. If the guy had used the exact same words and called off marriage in the exact same way. And the girl had used the exact same words that the guy spoke in reaction to hearing all that. Would you have then trusted the guy and called the girl the same things you called the guy?
he was using verbal violence, attacking her character, yelling and using veiled threats. It is withers perogative to leave
Diannes sister left Hans the rich dentist one week before wedding, he even took one year course to become catholic, they rehearsed tirelessly, all of Marielles family was supportive, he is still friends with family, he just left like a gentleman no yelling etc. She was way more mature, good for her to ditch the immature emotional egotistic man child
How is this a tangent? The guy cant satisfy the girl, she let him walk away with pride and dignity and he is getting all mad and vindictive and attacking her character. As a married person it should be very easy to tell he is lying. Any man with a bit of experience can tell if he has made the partner happy. His defence was oh but we did the act. If he thinks that alone will make a lady happy than he should not marry. If he was such a stud, she would not leave. Just the fact that she is ditching him is proof. Even if she needs to cheat, its on him as he was not able to be man enough to keep his woman. A real man does not have to force a woman into relationship, he would be pushing them away and they dont stop chasing them.
Do you think the guy yelling and becoming abusive was good behavior?
I tell my boys, they come and they go, be cool as a cucumber. She did him a favor.
I forgot to share my own views on this. I think 99% of the time this is a very selfish and brutal reason for breaking up a long established relationship.
Answers to the questions in OP:
1 & 2- If reason is shared privately, no need to prove anything and just move on. But if reason is shared with family and friends, then one should give counter arguments like the guy in the clip did. Some will buy the counter arguments, some won’t. But not providing counter arguments would’ve been stupid.
3- No
4 & 5- No need for a counter argument there to prove anything but a simple denial is absolutely a must.
A Pakistani colleague of mine shared with me once how her SIL hurt her family for more than a decade. My colleague's brother married when he was 18. They decided not to have kids till they complete their education. SIL later got into medicine and asked for more time. Nearly 7 years later, they still had no kids. Then SIL agreed and they tried to have kids but nothing happened. SIL diagnosed her husband with several problems which ruined the guy emotionally. And everyone believed her because the guy never argued otherwise due to shame, until it was found the SIL was secretly on birth control pills. Later on they had kids and SIL repented but did huge damage nevertheless. Moral of the story for me is not to stay quiet due to shame when wrongly accused of such things.
Denigrating and stigmatizing each others' sexualities is becoming more and more common nowadays.
When a person is unable to consummate marriage/relationship, it could and should be sorted privately among couples. Nobody has the right or 'freedom of speech' to publicize someone's sexuality in attempts to tarnish their dignity. Far less if these are false accusations. People that falsely defame others of being impotent, for their own agenda, deserve the lowest section in hell.
When and if someone stoops to such levels, do not hoist them with rebuttal. Step away peacefully and be grateful to the universe for separating you from this filthy being. Nobody deserves to be around such horrendous souls.
Tum ne meri respect nahi kari. Meri izzat nahi kari. Way too many inedible kariiis in that video.
Now back to the video:
Bhabi Jee wanted to achieve reconciliation between Sooraj and Neha and their respective families by airing their dirty laundry national TV. You bholi majh, what were you thinking? Now she must be hearing taanay from her in-laws for the humiliation this episode brought their family as well as her own.
It’s very clear that the host is on Team-Neha, lol.
The guy will be mocked for this, but the mocking will be far, far, far worse for the girl…because it always is in our society. Imagine the jeers and taunts she (and her family) will have to face after this spectacle. “We are interested in your daughter for a rishta, but can our son test ride her a few times…and only when she has indicated her 100% satisfaction on paper complete with her autograph and notarization will we ask the pundit for a most auspicious date for the engagement.” But if you’re gonna go public with your affairs, then be prepared for all kinds of ugliness that comes your way. Sad. But I doubt they care much for their izzats to begin with or they wouldn’t have gone on TV.
Another thought that comes to mind is that the response varies according to culture. Goray and Kalay and Harray, Neelay folks can get away with giving their parents a vague explanation for the demise of the marriage such as “incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, lack of chemistry, not connecting.” Their parents might push a bit, but once they sense that their adult child is not willing to share details, they respect that decision and leave well alone and that helps to curb the drama. In desi families, marriage and impending marriages are a family-affair. So, even if sexual incompatibility is indeed the reason for the breakdown of relationship despite multiple attempts to resolve the matter, the parents won’t be satisfied with vague reasons. They will badger you and badger you to be more specific and they want to take it upon themselves to patch things up and that can result in a drama chit-storm. Basically, it’s messy enough even when you try to contain your messes within your own home without publicizing it and inviting more wide-scale embarrassment that will be harder to live down. The guy and the girl are at each other’s throats, the girl is resolute in her decision to not marry him, and these signs should be enough for their respective families to let it go. Yes, you lost a lot of money, and time, and people are gossiping. But because you have fricking siblings (way to go Bhabi) who can’t let it go and want to repair something that is beyond repair, now you have invited more gossip and baizzati.
[quote=““The Last Straw””]
In desi families, marriage and impending marriages are a family-affair. So, even if sexual incompatibility is indeed the reason for the breakdown of relationship despite multiple attempts to resolve the matter, the parents won’t be satisfied with vague reasons. They will badger you and badger you to be more specific and they want to take it upon themselves to patch things up and that can result in a drama chit-storm. Basically, it’s messy enough even when you try to contain your messes within your own home without publicizing it and inviting more wide-scale embarrassment that will be harder to live down.
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When genuinely trying to resolve such issues, it is essential for a woman to know what she is doing. Doing good in this department is far more important for the self-esteem of men than it is for women. Improved self-esteem of a man lets a man try to do even better next time. There was a post here a few years ago in which a lady was trying to fix the job her husband was doing by scolding him and even taunting him out of frustration, hoping he would do better but he kept getting worse. I told her she was unwittingly only crushing his self-esteem, and advised her to praise the job he does even if he doesn’t deserve the praise if she wants improvement.
