Is it normal for a family to say yes to a rishta then later change their mind without a reason?
Details:
Me: US citizen
Her: Pakistani
My parents talked to this one family for months and they did their research and ultimately decided yes. I have never talked to the girl herself because this time I wanted to do it the "right" way and in accordance with the Pakistani culture. My parents spoke with the girl and on multiple occasions asked her if there's someone she likes or if she doesn't want this then they will not pursue this but the girl said whatever my parents decide I am okay with it. After they said yes, my mom spoke with her and she was happy about it. She even said when people stop teasing me about the rishta then I tell them to do it more.
My Dad wanted to talk to her Dad to finalize details but her Dad had stopped responding. Then they messaged us that the father isn't okay with this rishta and we can't move forward.
Her mother said that the girl said "I don't want to marry anyone else now, but him"
When we spoke to her father, her father said my daughter told me "what kinda father am I that you are giving me away to someone so far away that you don't even know"
I wanted to fight for her based on the response of her mother but then the response of her father is completely opposite. I don't know what's going on or what to do?
Should I move on? Should I find a way to contact the girl herself?
I think it would be better for your mom to talk to her and try to find out how she feel about the whole sceanrio.. You will get an idea if they are making excuses
^ I dunno about that. If I do not want to marry a guy, I would not feel comfortable talking to his mom about it. That would be an awkward conversation that I would rather confine to the elders.
Aden, if the only reason that her father gave is that he feels uneasy about sending her so far away to live with someone who feels like a stranger, did you try to mitigate the father’s fears by addressing any doubts or concerns he may have about you? If so, how did he respond?
Since you weren’t involved in the beginning it would be awkward to reach out now. If they don’t want to proceed so be it.
Next time I’d advise for you to get married to someone in the states and get to know them. There’s nothing wrong with having a few conversations beforehand.
His wife and family wants the rishta to happen. She’s been trying to change his mind but from what I hear he’s getting upset at them and now just says “she’s my daughter and I can give her wherever I want.” He won’t return the girl’s aunt phone calls who lives in the states. His side of the family (his sister) is not happy with it and he will listen to her and not his wife or children.
Normally, I would move on but because they said yes, I had mentally prepared myself for it and then when I heard that the girl was upset and had said “I don’t wanna marry anyone but him” then I got really stubborn with myself and told myself at least I will try to fight for her if there’s a chance she has said that.
It happened to me and it is the worst. But yes, some people do wake up one day and simply decide they have changed their mind. It is difficult when there becomes some sort of attachment but you must believe there are better things to come your way.
I guess they don’t wana send the girl so far away to usa. because there are very negative stories being heard from the guy side being bad later, treated the girl bad etc.
Move on…you’re attached to this girl, she is not special. They’ll be plenty more. If marriage is meant to happen, it’ll happen easily. Not with all this drama.
Gone are the days when girls used to marry on the name of “larka Amrika men hai”. Things have changed. More awareness, more education. Looks like you arent offering what they were looking. Its simple. And since you are still hanging around her, it seems like she must be worth making extra efforts. Anyhoo accept the fact that she has her own priorities. Girl power!