I hope I read correctly but these weren't clothes that were for you right? You were giving them away to be sent to Pakistan anyway so I don't know why your expecting an apology. It was a mistake unless you think the story they are telling you isn't the truth but what can you do at this point. If your intension was to donate them for a good cause then don't ruin your good deed by making something trivial into a personal issue. Yes it's a waste, but get over it and if you think you can salvage any of the clothes then just pay to have them dry cleaned and move on.
She might have thrown away these clothes and it would have been fine, but in laws ruined it, now they are worth thousands of dollars, on top of that she pestered her husband to talk to her sister and made them offer her mother ey or dry clean them.
If this is not being mean then I don't know what else is.
It is not relevant whether OP was going to use the ruined clothes or some other folks that wouod have received the donated clothes.
The big picture is the in laws did OP a favor by taking a box full of clothes. OP was visiting them in a week or two. But somehow didn't have space to fit the box. But somehow the in laws had space to fit HER box in ADDDITION to their luggage.
Expecting old people to carry ur luggage itself.sounds bad. But NOT thanking them for this favor AND expecting an apology for what was CLEARLY an accident makes this unfair to in laws.
These Buddhas are in laws don't deserve any mercy.
It was an accident, if you pester your husband and force an apology out of your inlaws do you really think the situation will improve? There will clearly be resentment on their behalf at being forced to apologise, rightly or wrongly at that point it wouldn't matter. I am not saying you're wrong in feeling a bit put off at your clothes being ruined but this is life so making a massive issue out of this will only make things worse. Even if they don't say sorry I am sure you know it was an accident, your mil has said as much so why further blow up this issue? You have to pick and choose your battles.
You're right, she should've apologized. When you take the responsibility of transporting and holding someone's stuff, you don't leave it out where the kids are playing. And what kind of kids play with a 24 liter of cooking oil? If they're old enough to pick that up then they should be old enough to know not to dump it on a box of clothes.
She should've apologized but demanding an apology and then receiving one isn't going to make your anger go away. It'll just make things more awkward.
You've learned your lesson. They're irresponsible. Next time, don't trust them with any of your belongings.
By not apologizing, it makes it look like the "accident" was on purpose. I hate that desi mentality that elders don't ever need to apologize and they can behave however they want. If I make a mistake or hurt someone or destroy someone's belonging, I would apologize even if it's my 8 year old cousin.
You just have to try to let it go though.
I so agree with your post! Couldn't have said it better myself! I always aplologize to my kids ( and vice versa) when I do anything by accident. And my parents did the same, and yes we lived in Pakistan so it's not some gora thing.
Recently my friend agreed to buy and bring some small stuff for me and some friends from Pakistan. Her own things and some other friends' stuff was found missing from the suitcase. Opened by airport workers and stolen! She not only apologized to me but even returned the money I gave her to buy the stuff despite me insisting that it was not her fault. Finally when she insisted I told her we could donate the money if she was so insistent! Even I brought a friend's stuff from the UK and took great care if it and did not settle untill I got it delivered to her safely even though she said she would pick it up when she had the time. Most people were dissuading me saying it's her responsibility and she should be responsible but I said no, she entrusted me with her ammant so I am indebted to her.
But I also agree that you should let it go. My own in laws took my suitcases to Pakistan without asking me and some other things. I complained to my husband but that's all. Pethaps I am weak but just don't give them anything to carry for you in the future and leave it at that!
You're right, she should've apologized. When you take the responsibility of transporting and holding someone's stuff, you don't leave it out where the kids are playing. And what kind of kids play with a 24 liter of cooking oil? If they're old enough to pick that up then they should be old enough to know not to dump it on a box of clothes.
She should've apologized but demanding an apology and then receiving one isn't going to make your anger go away. It'll just make things more awkward.
You've learned your lesson. They're irresponsible. Next time, don't trust them with any of your belongings.
By not apologizing, it makes it look like the "accident" was on purpose. I hate that desi mentality that elders don't ever need to apologize and they can behave however they want. If I make a mistake or hurt someone or destroy someone's belonging, I would apologize even if it's my 8 year old cousin.
You just have to try to let it go though.
I so agree with your post! Couldn't have said it better myself! I always aplologize to my kids ( and vice versa) when I do anything by accident. And my parents did the same, and yes we lived in Pakistan so it's not some gora thing.
Recently my friend agreed to buy and bring some small stuff for me and some friends from Pakistan. Her own things and some other friends' stuff was found missing from the suitcase. Opened by airport workers and stolen! She not only apologized to me but even returned the money I gave her to buy the stuff despite me insisting that it was not her fault. Finally when she insisted I told her we could donate the money if she was so insistent! Even I brought a friend's stuff from the UK and took great care if it and did not settle untill I got it delivered to her safely even though she said she would pick it up when she had the time. Most people were dissuading me saying it's her responsibility and she should be responsible but I said no, she entrusted me with her ammant so I am indebted to her.
But I also agree that you should let it go. My own in laws took my suitcases to Pakistan without asking me and some other things. I complained to my husband but that's all. Pethaps I am weak but just don't give them anything to carry for you in the future and leave it at that!
No comments on 1st 3 quarters of ur post. Re ur in laws they took ur luggage WITHOUT asking you. Here, OP REQUESTED the in laws to take the box because she had other stuff to take to Pakistan. In other words, she ASKED her in laws for a FAVOR.
She didnt mention she THANKED them for agreeing to do this. A Thank you was not expected from the inlaws. Neither is an apology warranted here.
Forget the age part. Culturally sorry thank u etc come easier in the west. Doesn't mean ones from South Asia r less apologetic or grateful. They may have other ways of showing these sentiments
I so agree with your post! Couldn't have said it better myself! I always aplologize to my kids ( and vice versa) when I do anything by accident. And my parents did the same, and yes we lived in Pakistan so it's not some gora thing.
Recently my friend agreed to buy and bring some small stuff for me and some friends from Pakistan. Her own things and some other friends' stuff was found missing from the suitcase. Opened by airport workers and stolen! She not only apologized to me but even returned the money I gave her to buy the stuff despite me insisting that it was not her fault. Finally when she insisted I told her we could donate the money if she was so insistent! Even I brought a friend's stuff from the UK and took great care if it and did not settle untill I got it delivered to her safely even though she said she would pick it up when she had the time. Most people were dissuading me saying it's her responsibility and she should be responsible but I said no, she entrusted me with her ammant so I am indebted to her.
But I also agree that you should let it go. My own in laws took my suitcases to Pakistan without asking me and some other things. I complained to my husband but that's all. Pethaps I am weak but just don't give them anything to carry for you in the future and leave it at that!
No comments on 1st 3 quarters of ur post. Re ur in laws they took ur luggage WITHOUT asking you. Here, OP REQUESTED the in laws to take the box because she had other stuff to take to Pakistan. In other words, she ASKED her in laws for a FAVOR.
She didnt mention she THANKED them for agreeing to do this. A Thank you was not expected from the inlaws. Neither is an apology warranted here.
Forget the age part. Culturally sorry thank u etc come easier in the west. Doesn't mean ones from South Asia r less apologetic or grateful. They may have other ways of showing these sentiments
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My in laws took the box from US to Canada. They came to visit us and they drove. That's why they were able to take the box with them. They had enough room in their van to keep the box. I was traveling from US to Canada a few weeks later with my 2 young kids and did not have the luggage capacity to take it. And yes, I did thank them when they agreed to take my stuff. It was them who insisted that I should send whatever doesn't fit in my luggage with them. Please read the post carefully before making accusations and assumptions.
I think they're kind of embarrassed and don't know what to do so acting this way. Ever hear of a MIL apologizing to her Bahu? People do stupid things when put on the spot.
If I were you, I'd really try to forget this even though those clothes were to be donated. I realize you intended to do something good but since nothing can be done about it...I don't know how good it will do to dwell on this.
And for those who keep insisting that it doesn't matter what happens to the clothes because they were gonna be donated anyway:
You don't donate garbage...you donate things other people can use and benefit from. On top of that, taking someone's belongings is a responsibility...its an amanat and was intended to be used by someone in need. Not thrown in a trash can.
I was really upset when I wrote this post and after I calmed down realized demanding an apology is not a smart idea. I still think an apology should have been given when she was telling me what happened though.
Her explanation doesn't entirely make sense either because she said 'the kids' put the container on my box. There are no kids in her house...her youngest child is 24. And at 24 (or older for my husbands other siblings) they should have had enough sense to leave a huge container of oil on the ground...not put it on a box.
Anyway...what's done is done. Whatever could be somewhat salvaged, I will give to the dry cleaners tomorrow to see what can be done, but majority of the outfits are drenched and can't be saved.
Also, yes most of the outfits were for donation, but about 5-6 outfits were mine to be worn while I was here visiting.
My in laws took the box from US to Canada. They came to visit us and they drove. That's why they were able to take the box with them. They had enough room in their van to keep the box. I was traveling from US to Canada a few weeks later with my 2 young kids and did not have the luggage capacity to take it. And yes, I did thank them when they agreed to take my stuff. It was them who insisted that I should send whatever doesn't fit in my luggage with them. Please read the post carefully before making accusations and assumptions.
I certainly made assumptions where information was missing. If assumptions are wrong, you get a chance to correct them. That's how it works.
I am not sure you had pointed out if they had insisted you should send whatever doesn't fit in Ur luggage through them. I am also not sure u had stated u had thanked them for doing so. If yiundid, I might have overlooked or forgotten. It happens.
But u are missing the big picture. They did you a FAVOR. If your thank you was sincere, you would take into account what they did was a favor.
It is clear they - I think it was a young man - did not place the oil can or bottle or whatever on the cloth box with intent to damage it. I don't recall the circumstances that led to the box being damaged by the oil. But that is not imoortant.
What is important is, you are holding them responsible for an accident, OVERLOOKING THE fact their INTENTIONS were good. They wanted to help you.
In my book, if someone tried to help me, and things went wrong, I would still be grateful for their intent.
One good thing that stood out - you care that the poor get good quality clothes. You want them to have quality. And that is probably why you were so uoset. And that is a good thing.
OP, if your intention was to donate those clothes, you will be rewarded for this even if you can't donate the clothes now. So relax.
i would say that expecting pr demanding an apology from your MIL is unfair on your part, they did you a favor by taking the box with them, they insisted you that they could take it, shows that they wanted to extend their help to you and this is great of them. What happened to your box was clearly an accident, even then your MIL washed your clothes that were drenched in oil. this is not easy, is it? they could have easily left them as it by saying that it was an accident and they are under no compulsion to wash them for you, but still they washed the clothes. and in return you didn't thank them or appreciate it instead you want an apology from them for something which they are not responsible for.
After my wedding I had stored my wedding clothes at my Inlaws place in Pakistan . My sister in law who also got married around the same time stored some of her jahaiz there too. A few months later we found that someone had broken in and stolen everything. My in laws kept lamenting about how my nands stuff had been taken. And no one uttered a word of sympathy for my dresses. It bothered me a little but then i realized they were embarrised to admit that this had happened to my stuff in their house. It happens. I dont demand apologies. Not every one is the kind who apologizes verbally. In your case atleast it was stuff you wanted to give away. You get the sawab for your intention.
A sorry from them certainly would have been ideal situation but world is not ideal. Here are few things:
Firstly, did you sent them a thank-you card when you shipped the box of YOUR cloths for them to carry? If not why expect (or rather demand) a sorry? After all if you are expecting them to be this formal, you should be formal too.
Secondly, will an apology "fix" your cloths? if not why make some elder feel embarrassed?
and finally, STOP trying to find a conspiracy in this. Take what MIL told you for its face value and move on. Trust me, you will live a happy life with moving on from small issues.
Nikammay susraaleeyon ne maasoom dil ko kitna dukhaaaya hai Meri khwaahish he ke kaash inn zaalim saas aur nand ke eid ke kapron pe sheer khurmay kee pateeli giray, phir pataa chalay gaa
Meri khwaahish he ke kaash inn zaalim saas aur nand ke eid ke kapron pe sheer khurmay kee pateeli giray, phir pataa chalay gaa 