So my parents relos ignore me. I mean its getting to the point where its pissing me off and my parents dont do anything about it. It kind of starts with everything being okay, they taunt me about my previous failed relationships that were arranged by my parents, in front of my parents. I don’t say anything as for the respect thing. My parents dont say anything also, I complain to my parents about their behaviour, then me and my parents have a big arguement.
My parents dont stand up for me and they go on like normal talking laughing and discussing my future, as these relos are very interested in who i am getting married to, when i am getting married etc. Its beginning to affect my relationship with my parents and on my health.
I feel like I am a spare part, that anyone can come and taunt and throw things at there is no one to stand up for me. I am not telling my parents to break ties with them all i am saying is for them to lay some ground rules.
Relatives do that cos they are sick and twisted, they enjoy listening to stuff like this because it's juicy and it makes them feel superior. Your parents are very simple minded then, cos although they shouldn't be sharing your life with these relatives, perhaps they think these relatives will offer their help? (They rarely do, because they don't really give a damn)
Don't argue with your parents about it, just explain to them that if you really wanted people to know you could easily announce all of these details yourself, that you don't want random members of the family gossiping about you, therefore your parents should avoid telling these relatives about your life. If they ask just tell them to say something like "sab teekh taak chall raha hai, aap kay bachay kaise hai?"
Just let your parents know how upset you get, I'm sure they'll understand.
I love my relatives and all, and we're all very close but they like to taunt about every thing possible. I assume it makes them feel stronger and over the years I've come to the conclusion that they especially pick on those who are weaker (no back-bone, no one stands up for them i.e parents). My cousins constantly say minor stuff to me which is hurtful but they can get away with it because they know there is no one to stand-up for me now. My mother's been diagnosed with a mental illness so she's basically a baby that we take care of and my dad is not into the whole family scene, so I see them take full advantage of that. Remarks about my fiance, my lifestyle and choices and they're very small and simple remarks.
I plan on saying something eventually but on the spot I chicken-out. Stand up for yourself and try not to be disrespectful.
My parents are like the peace-makers. Even when they know that the relos are being idiots....they show patience. So, growing up they didn't (especially my mom) stand up for me. While tend to be patient most of the times....I also feel that as an adult woman....I don't need my parents to stand up for me.....I can put the relative in their place myself...and I don't need to be ugly about it (depends on how yo word things) And it can be effective. People sometimes think they can get away with their crap because nobody calls them on it.
My parents are like the peace-makers. Even when they know that the relos are being idiots....they show patience. So, growing up they didn't (especially my mom) stand up for me. While tend to be patient most of the times....I also feel that as an adult woman....I don't need my parents to stand up for me.....I can put the relative in their place myself...and I don't need to be ugly about it (depends on how yo word things) And it can be effective. People sometimes think they can get away with their crap because nobody calls them on it.
RV said everything I wanted to say . Now that you know that your parents won't say anything you take the matter in your hands and just say what you want to say ek do dafa sun do gi then they wont have the guts to taunt at you again. I have done that and it works like RV said you don't necessarily need to use ugly words .
Ok serious post now. Why do you care what they say? It's not like if and when you do get married, they're going to contribute to anything in your weddings, besides eating the biryani. People talk. Even if they are blood relatives, they will talk and b!tch and moan about things, and try to make you seem insignificant. You can choose to ignore it. Everything in life is a choice. Right now you're choosing to pay attention to the crap they're saying to you. How is that benefitting you? Instead you said it's messing up your relationship with your parents. Is that worth it?
You can do this. Either ignore what they say, or say something back to them, or option C, discuss the nastyness of your relatives and be sure to share the any and all dirt against them with your parents. It will make you feel SOOO much better.
Also, please please please use the word relatives instead of relos. For the longest time I thought you were complaining about your parents, not your relatives.
i understand the significance of wanting to be given notice from your relatives, but really...to the point where it is affecting your health? you need to grow some balls, and fast. your parents can only do so much, granted that they should be sticking up for you...but they also can't have a huge b!tchfest with your relatives JUST because they're going on about your failed r'ships...which btw, is none of their business and you should tell it to them. seriously, respect is a two way thing and if you don't get any from them then you're not compelled to give it back. on that note, like RV said...choose your words carefully which will keep your sanity but will also prove to be effective in getting the message across to them. or ignore it, ignore ignore ignore...there's no point in retorting to something you know will continue to happen whether it's behind your back or to your face.
Relatives can be intimidating to stand up to. If it was my friends or even siblings, I'd stand up for myself but when it comes to my relatives I just can't seem to say anything. I know how these things end up, one person says one thing then it blows up and everyones talking here and there.
Regardless, standing up for yourself without being disrespectful is a skill indeed. we need it through out our lives, so might as well start now.
Whose up for some threads about family drama because some girls stood up for herself?? lol
So my parents relos ignore me. I mean its getting to the point where its pissing me off and my parents dont do anything about it. It kind of starts with everything being okay, they taunt me about my previous failed relationships that were arranged by my parents, in front of my parents. I don't say anything as for the respect thing. My parents dont say anything also, I complain to my parents about their behaviour, then me and my parents have a big arguement.
My parents dont stand up for me and they go on like normal talking laughing and discussing my future, as these relos are very interested in who i am getting married to, when i am getting married etc. Its beginning to affect my relationship with my parents and on my health.
I feel like I am a spare part, that anyone can come and taunt and throw things at there is no one to stand up for me. I am not telling my parents to break ties with them all i am saying is for them to lay some ground rules.
I am just at breaking point.
bite. thats what all these people deserve.Dont expect your parents to fight your war.
I had an aunty do some serious badtameezi in my own home with me recently. I cried first, got mad about her being so horrible and told her off (privately). I didnt yell or scream at her, but was very blunt and let her know she is NOT allowed to make personal comments about like that again.
the reason we tolerate relatives is because Allah SWT asks that of us...dont be disrespectful etc
but allah also says stand up for the truth and if that is different to what your relatives are saying you definately need to reply..
sometimes it's just finding the right remartks in urdu which i find is a problem,to be polite but get the message across.
my parents never stuck up for us,but I never let anyone say anything to my kids..If I think they are wrong I tell them so in private but the relatives DO NOT put my kids down...