I see many couples wanting to live on their own, ie; joint family system aint their cup of tea. Why is that? Is it because of the so-called* independent* mentality?
On the other hand due to this, IMO, there are more problems in the relationship including problems with the kids, which sometime lead to divorce.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live alone as a couple, **but a joint family system generally speaking works the best! **Tradition speaks for itself. Look east and west, joint family system is success!
You should not assume. It may be for you, but not for others. It depends on the individuals and the family as a whole in question. I know that I want a few years of living only with my spouse in a seperate home. That said, I would love for my parents to live with me in their older age.
for those saying its not in islam..living in joint family is not mandatory in islam..ok we get it but that is not going to change our pakistani culture..the way they'v ben doing things sadion se..if u say these things in front of them the will think u r an evil monster and the whole community will shun u..
like it or not living in joint family system is the way it is in pksnti culture..except for some exceptions and few individual preferences or tastes like those living abroad for long time or elite class..but we r talking about the 'main' largest class(to which the average pakistani belongs) which is middle class..
its nothing to get angry about..its just better to accept it and deal with it and look for positive things about it than fight it nd get in trouble and get stones thrown at u..
Joint family system is only good if you are living in the same building but not in the same house.
I don't get it CP, you seem to have good knowledge of islam, do you know that deywar and jhait are non-mahram for the bahu of the family .... how desis justify living with a non-mahram (in the same house) but make sure that the bahu does pardah from other men... I can never get.....
I have come across bhabis living in joint family who are too open with their deywar, wearing see thru lawn dresses, and taking pics standing too close with their hands around the deywar...that is just wrong on so many levels islamically....
Also those of you who are championing joint family system, have you been the outsider who has come into the joint family system or are you guys on the end who brings in the outsider.....
It might be great to know that ur mil/fil are gonna take care of ur kids but what abt other things, when it comes time to discipline the kids, is the mother of the kids allowed to discipline them as she likes, can she set an 8 pm bedtime. Can she spank her kids and get away without a scolding from the inlaws..... What abt buying what she wants for her kids, when she wants and in the quantity she wants.... these are all practical issues.
Not to forget, the issues of privacy between a guy and his wife when living in a joint family system..... pda's in the tv lounge.... sitting next to each other holding hands or maybe just having a lil romance time at the dinner table...can they be that open with each other while around others..... and then another issue..... Who cooks what, how do they cook it, who is welcome in the home and who is not welcome??? once again all practical issues....
Why can't desis just live close but not together..... visiting can be done on a regular heck on a daily basis. Joint can be done wthout breathing down each others' throats.....
Joint family is due to codependency : emotional, financial, someone is manipulating someone else or maintain their society izzat which seems to be more important to desis than food. Do yourselves a favour, get independent or do not marry otherwise your life will become a merry go round of blackmail, manipulation, stupid mind games & general nonsensical frivolous attitudes.
To my mullah brothers : kindly don't mold Islam to your circumstances, it promotes independence, self-sufficiency and makes yourself in-charge of your life, If you are married to your wife comes first, your parents second, obey the latter but do what is right for you as long as it within the bounds of religion. The problem is most people are grossly unaware of Islam and just do not know how to apply it in these circumstances, they just see what they want to see.
Usually parents want control over their sons & their future families, most manipulate them emotionally immature precious sons to stay, usually the mother is at the center playing the queen bee. The wife wants the hubby to be independent but is unable to break the umbilical cord, usually the hubby interprets the wife's attempt for independence as an attempt to alienate the parents which does not earn the wife any goody points in the joint family gong show.
Your parents have lived their lives, yes you are supposed to respect them not obey their every whim. If they start using you for their own interests it's time to make some tough decisions.
I see many couples wanting to live on their own, ie; joint family system aint their cup of tea. Why is that? Is it because of the so-called* independent* mentality?
I heard that stuff is damning good, try it dude...