THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

[Afridi786]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

Can you provide some stats?

[Sara516]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@Anil Khan

I don't know Khan bhai; speaking from a male persepective I don't know if I'd agree to an arranged marriage. HOWEVER, we must agree on the defination of an arranged marriage, for me its: FORCING someone to get married to some other person. It is not arranged if, say a parent or relative, introduces a person to you. Who knows maybe the two can hit it off.

Personally, I would want to spend some time with the girl and get to know her. Tell her my views on life and how IMPORTANT my parents are to me. If she understands all this then we set a date for nikkah (after a year of engagement ofcourse).

Arranged marriage is exactly what you said.

Forced marriages are not islamic.

Nothing wrong with arranged marriage, but not when its forced.

Love marriage I think is alright too. Afridi, not every love marriage is just "dating" and "god knows what else". If you find someone in school, work, talk to them, u dont have to be doing "stuff" to be "dating" someone. Someone told me the difference between "friend" and "girlfriend" is the latter implies physical contact, whereas the former doesnt.

And also, parents will need to trust their daughters n sons to find decent people. Like, I know my parents criteria and I know my criteria.. they dont really clash, but one complements the other so t speak.

[Mamaof3]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

From a gori point of view, I just couldnt imagine an arranged marriage. Not that theres anything wrong with it, it just wasnt part of my cultural/social upbringing. The thing that matters is committment and suitability of the partner because it is indeed the most important partnership there could ever be. Its the biggest decision of your life, and if you look at it that way and choose your life partner accordingly then you - inshallah - will have a long and happy life together. I dont understand those who "meet" their spouse on the wedding day, I just couldnt do it (again cause of my background) but hey, thats a pretty huge chance you're taking - with your LIFE, the rest of YOUR LIFE. Just be SURE.

[system]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

^ meeting spuses on wedding day is forced marriage i suppose.

Islamically, the guy or girl can choose their partner, inform their parents, get their advice on it (in case of the girl her father has to be ok with the marriage) and they are allowed to see each other and talk to each other (evaluate etc). Look but no touch :)

The guy or girl can always say no to what their parents choose for them, it is their right, however that right is not always enforced unfortunately.

[shawn]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

you are right kodiak Islam gives right to woman and man to choose their life partner but not in wrong way of cource
but some pplz :(

[S02]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

It doesn't matter how you get there. In the end it is about how much effort, love, respect, and time each person puts into the marriage after the wedding day.

[arshad5]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@Kodiak

Ever think that marriaged dont work as much anymore because people are always finding faults with others, no matter how minor, and making a big deal out of them ?

Previous generations were more forgiving. The newer generations are in search of that ever elusive perfection of all things material and immaterial, and there is no such thing as a perfect human anymore.

I agree with the above quote....It does not matter who you marry or whether its arranged or love...during marriage you will come across problems and you have to deal with them and be prepared to compromise and see others points of view. You have to be able to understand and trust each other. There no perfect partner...if you are looking for a perfect person then you will be like the goras....marrying and divorcing..forever looking for that elusive love..but never finding it. Even if you find someone that is perfect sooner or later you will grow out of them. In my book if you get 80% of what you are looking for in a partner then you are doing well.

Love is not a perfect science...it is just a matter of coincidence...meeting a certain person at a certain time in certain circumstances when you have a certain frame of mind...you can change the people but the outcome will be the same.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@Kodiak

Previous generations were more forgiving.

exactly!

[hussain87]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

in love marriages ur lust always win:o … end of discussion:o …btw i don,t believe in love thingi…just crap.:halo: …arrange marriage all the way:D …

[Afridi786]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

Yah, however since most you think arranged marriages are forced marriages, than in that view it prolly is true that the divorce rate is high, but when its an actual arranged marriage , they fare better than love marriages.

[hussain87]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@Afridi786

Yah, however since most you think arranged marriages are forced marriages, than in that view it prolly is true that the divorce rate is high, but when its an actual arranged marriage , they fare better than love marriages.

true most forced marriages don,t work… afridi bhai kiya baat hai why do man often want arrange marriage and gals rather choose for love marriage:halo: …it almost sounds to me that girl are more werternized then guys. …don,t
u think:) …

[Afridi786]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

They want to have the ideal bollywood indian movie type love story whereas guys don't.

[PrinceMS]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

I keep telling people!

1 reason for Divorce is MARRIGES!

If we all work together, we can eliminate DIVORCES altogether!

[hussain87]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

^^
u mean …no marriage:confused: …

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

why argue about what works best. like one poster mentioned earlier (perhaps on another thread) that the term "love marriage" is a misnomer..same goes for "arranged marriage". people automatically assume that someone that had an arranged marriage was forced into it...the same way one assumes a love marriage means that someone fell in love and dated etc. It doesnt necessarily have to work that way. BOTH terms are very misleading. BOTH types of marriage may and may not work...neither is better then the other.

[Afridi786]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@AnGeL EyEs

why argue about what works best. like one poster mentioned earlier (perhaps on another thread) that the term "love marriage" is a misnomer..same goes for "arranged marriage". people automatically assume that someone that had an arranged marriage was forced into it...the same way one assumes a love marriage means that someone fell in love and dated etc. BOTH terms are very misleading. BOTH types of marriage may and may not work...neither is better then the other.

Good enuff for me...lets close this thread. :D

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

@Afridi786

Good enuff for me...lets close this thread. :D

lol

one more comment about this.....

once this imam told me (from sudan) he said that out of all people the majority of desi's come to him for marital counceling because they are contemplating divorce .....The main reason......too much parental involvement within the marriage. ALSO...he said so many times young adults (desi's) have come to him wanting to get married (doing something that is halal) and the parents wont let them (which can lead to haram)...once again ...too much parental involvement.

he asked why is it that he see's this happening so much ...particularly among the desi community.

hmmm something to ponder :D

[hussain87]

Re: THESE DAYS DO LOVE MARRIAGES WORK BETTER THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGES?

^yes i agree mostly there is too much interference from parents and family in general in ur marriage specially if u are a desi:) .................